


Bound for the Skies

by OblivionQueen



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Badass mages, Drama, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Game Dialogue, Guilt, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Psychological Torture, Romance, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-06-01 14:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 68,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6522829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionQueen/pseuds/OblivionQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tessa Trevelyan, a young Mage of great ability, spent her last year on the run from the Templars after the Ostwick Circle of Magi fell. She was chosen by her peers to attend the Conclave alongside her mentor to represent the fallen Circle, being the only survivor of the explosion that destroyed the Temple of Sacred Ashes.<br/>After misunderstandings and distrust, Tessa becomes a key member of the Inquisition, while she tries to deal with her guilt and emptiness as she forges new alliances, friendships, and finds something she was not expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Destinada aos Céus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659362) by [OblivionQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionQueen/pseuds/OblivionQueen). 



> So, first things first. This work is being originally written in Portuguese, and I'm gonna have the double of trouble: writing the story and translating it to English. All I ask is your patience and your feedback, so that I know if I should keep doing this, haha!  
> Second, in the early chapters, there will be lots of game dialogue (I mean lots!), specially while in missions. Other than that, pretty much the rest is original.  
> Third, I took the liberty of creating a brand new Trevelyan, which has some of the game history (she is from Ostwick and went to the Circle of Magi), but you will soon see how she differs from the game character.
> 
> Other than that, I just hope you have a good time reading it!
> 
> ps: if there's anything wrong with the grammar or the spelling, please let me know too! :)

The woman fell from the green rip that shattered the sky. She got up on her hands and knees, and tried to drag herself forward, while fighting to stay on her balance. That seemed to take away all of her remaining strength, as she collapsed on the rocky ground of what was left of the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

Cassandra Pentaghast noticed an odd blaze on her left hand, which had the same color of what had taken over the skies. Carefully she got closer, one step at a time, followed by her wary soldiers; she did not need to tell them what to do anymore, given their trust to one another, and their loyalty. They knew their duties. Her archers took their positions on the high ground of the ruined temple, tensioned bows aiming at the woman lying on the floor.

The Seeker got down on her knees to check her pulse. _Alive, at least for now_. That piece of information would make her the sole survivor of the explosion at the temple, and, of course, the only suspect of causing that enormous chaos. _The entire Conclave… The Divine…_ She could not think of that, not now, as she still needed to question the woman.

Rolling her, Cassandra saw her face bruised on the cheekbone, probably from the fall. Except that and the green mark on the woman’s palm, her new prisoner seemed physically well. Looking over to where she had fell, just a bit further, she saw pieces of a broken staff spread on the ground. _A mage. Great._ She didn’t understand how she hadn’t realize that yet and she grunted. _All that training to panic at the first moment of despair_. The Seeker asked one of her soldiers to carry the woman back to camp, making him insecure and fearful, as she gathered the pieces of the staff to have people looking into it.

Her soldiers were apprehensive, at times looking at Cassandra, the woman, or the massive green from where she had fallen. Then Cassandra stopped to watch the rift above her. Thick, giant, a pulsing crystal in a variety of shades of green that reflected in their skin. That made her nervous and uncertain about what would come next. What would it be for those people there? What would it be for Ferelden and Orlais? For Thedas? For her?

Immersed in her own thoughts, Cassandra didn’t realize that the Breach floating above them, so high in the sky, started to stir. She heard nothing but a shout of pure pain, which made her tremble from top to bottom, a dying cry terrible to the ears. She turned to look at the prisoner, still unconscious, squirming in pain as the mark on her hand flared in the rhythm of the Breach. The soldier she had assigned to carry her was terrified and had no idea of what he should do. _Poor bastard_. The prisoner soothed slowly after the Breach stopped pulsing.

Back in Haven, reports from Leliana’s agents were pouring, and each one of them said the same: a huge number of rifts were now in all Thedas, and demons spouted out of them. Those reports made her wonder why that particular rift did not released any demon.

“Where’s the Commander?” Cassandra asked Leliana, after giving very specific orders to her soldiers on how to proceed with the prisoner and asking Adan, the apothecary, to check the woman’s health.

“He is further along the advanced post with a few soldiers fighting demons”, Leliana said in her usual calm, without any emotion passing through her face, “There’s a rift there, and it is far too close to the refugees. I will go there soon to give them assistance.”

“The rift doesn’t close?” While Leliana was always good in hiding her emotions, Cassandra was clear as water, something her instructors always reminded her.

“No. That apostate elf is studying the possibilities, but there’s nothing to do for now, only protect the people.”

“She is a mage, by the way”, Cassandra said as if she was remembering a small detail. She and Leliana worked together for Divine Justinia long enough so she knew that a tiny shift of expression in surprise had hit the other one, as she noticed the slight lift in the Nightingale’s eyebrows, “Do you know where Solas is?”

After the former Left Hand of the Divine answered, Cassandra went to see him. She opened the door of the tiny cottage harshly, and called out to him.

“I need you to come with me. It’s urgent.”

 * * *

 The Divine was dead.

_Dead._

Leliana was not willing to accept, she couldn’t believe what her eyes were watching when the temple exploded. All those people, mages, templars, clerics, the Divine. Every single one of them trying to get into a point on how to bring peace back to Thedas.

She was standing still at the Chantry, watching the big green tear that was dripping in the sky after the explosion. It was as if she was not there, or how unbelievable it was to think of the Divine as a mortal person. The despair was settling at the camp as she watched, static, the beauty of the Breach. Nothing around her would touch her.

If they weren't running, the people were screaming or crying, some were doing the three options. However, Leliana was still there, with her hands hanging on the sides of her body.

She felt someone touching her, but it didn’t matter. It became a shaking, gentle at first, but then violent as they tried to get her attention. So she finally saw who was there.

"Sister, we need to go, now!" Commander Cullen was screaming, shaking her shoulders strongly.

She blinked many times until she nodded. She grabbed her bow and quiver – always well provided – and started to look for Cassandra with her dark green eyes.

"Where is the Seeker?"

"She went to the temple with some soldiers and archers", the man answered, breathless. He clearly was trying to organize the camp for both of them. "I need you to stay here, Leliana. Protect the pilgrims."

She nodded again, watching him turn and walking away with some of his soldiers. She needed to find Josephine.

Not long afterwards, she saw the Antivan running through the tents, making sure of who was there and who was not, forbidding everyone to cross the perimeter if they were not soldiers. Leliana ran to her, and hugged her friend of years strongly and carefully, unwilling to let her go. Actually, she wanted to cry on Josephine's shoulder, but could not let herself. Not now.

"Are you alright, Josie?" She asked, holding her shoulders with preoccupation and finesse.

"Yes. And you?" She replied, with the same feelings.

"Yes... I don’t know. I can’t think about that right now. I’m going to send some agents to field. I just needed to know that you are fine."

They smiled at each other, and Leliana went back through the path she came from. She met with her bests agents, and send them to every single place at Thedas to know what the fuck was happening. She needed to focus on the job or her thoughts would start to cloud her judgment. She needed to let her feelings locked inside a dark place of her mind, and needed to be whom she was. It was what Justinia would have wanted.

 * * *

When the Conclave exploded, he couldn’t quite piece together what was going on exactly. Then he realized. There was huge fucking problem coming their way.

“Commander!” He heard one of his captains calling him, while coming to meet him, “What should we do?”

Cullen took a long look around at the chaos that was spreading through the camp in just a few seconds. The running, the screaming, the crying. He let out a sigh. He needed to find Leliana and Cassandra.

“Find Sister Leliana”, he ordered the soldier, who obeyed in a heartbeat.

Cullen ran through the tents, making his eyes travel over the camp until his attention was caught by the Chantry, as he watched Cassandra opens the massive wooden doors, looking directly at the sky, with her lips slightly parted. He turned his gaze to what she was seeing and his jaw dropped. An immense hole in the middle of the sky, higher than all the mountains combined, letting its color drip to earth. _Maker help us_.

There wasn’t time to mourn or to say hasty prayers, as he was heading towards Cassandra.

“What is happening?” She asked, trembling and with wide eyes. Cullen had never seen her like that before, and he was afraid that his response would do little to soothe her, “I heard a noise… the Divine…”

“There was an explosion at the Conclave”, he began, “I don’t know what happened. We need to go there.”

He watched Cassandra grabbing her knees while she started to cry out a sob. He was sympathetic to her desperation, but at that moment he needed all the help he could get, and Cassandra was an inestimable warrior.

“I need your help, Cassandra. I can’t let you panic now. We still don’t know what happened. She may have survived.”

She got up slowly and looked at him with her typical mockery gaze when she thought someone was being or saying something stupid. And he was, he knew that.

“It’s not possible, Commander, you know that. I’m going there now.”

“Cassandra, I can…”

“I was her Right Hand”, she cut him off abruptly.

She wiped away her tears and call out to her soldiers and archers to follow her to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

Cullen saw his captain come back and heard him say that Sister Leliana was unreachable in front of her tent, watching the hole in the sky. He didn’t know what "unreachable" meant in that case, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. Those people depended on him.

When he found Leliana, he needed to shake her hard to make her get back to her faculties. He noticed that she also considered that Divine Justinia was dead. After being sure that Leliana was on control of herself, he went to the temple with some of his best soldiers and archers, not to let Cassandra fighting alone.

On his way, he was sweating cold under the snow at Frostback Basin. He was having enough trouble to forget the events of his past, and now the Maker was testing him with one more torment.

Waves of demons made their advance on him and his soldiers, who needed to fight through the path, with Cassandra just a little bit ahead. Cullen made sure that she would get there with her group and made sure that the demons were finished. He went on his path to the Temple, passing just a little, where more demons were lumping together and screaming. _Andraste preserve me._


	2. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prisoner finally wakes up to prove herself to be the only one with any power to close the Rifts and possibly the Breach.

Her eyes have not gotten used to the lack of light. She was lying on the ground over her right side, and pressed her eyelids one more time. She couldn’t feel her hands, and tried to move them, only to feel pain in each one of her knuckles. She moved her right hand to her face, but the left one came along, making her look without really understanding that she was handcuffed.

Then she saw it.

A green smudge, a _mark_ that was glowing sorely on the palm of her left hand. She kept watching the thing for a while, trying to figure out what kind of magic that was, trying to remember what had happened, and trying to find out where she was.

She tried to get up, and felt heavy. She rolled over her body, and tried to sustain herself on her hands to bend her knees and sit on them. Her coppery hair was still up, but loose and messy in the bun she knew she made only Maker knew when. She hated when her hair fell over her face. She pulled it back the best she could, tucking it behind her ear.

A wave of pain coming from her hand, from the mysterious mark, crashed her violently, making her feel the most intense pain that she had ever felt in her entire life, even in her Harrowing. It was excruciating, and it made her fall back to the ground, screaming and squirming. _Andraste, make it stop, I beg you_.

Maybe Andraste really heard her, as the pain ceased after a few seconds, but the woman was still feeling the vestiges of it. It was as if her nerves were burning, but she was used to that, given that fire was her element, nonetheless it was somewhat different. It was as she was _scalding_ from the inside, something her magic never did to her. Her fire was gentle and it was as a caress.

With her mind on it, she put herself back on her knees, finally realizing she wasn’t alone in that enormous cell, as she saw a guard in each corner of the room with their swords drawn and pointing to her. They were definitely Templars, meaning that whoever captured her already knew she was a Mage. And _that_ brought her problems almost every time.

“What is this place?” She risked asking, knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer if they were good soldiers. The silence in response made her know she was right.

The sound of rusty hinges made her turn her head to see the door being opened. Three silhouettes she couldn’t quite see due to the lack of light entered.

“What’s your name?” Asked one of them. A woman.

“Where am I?” She asked back, seeing that the woman in front of her was short and thin, with a short, black hair, and furious eyes that seemed to be trying to cut her throat. She had a long, thin scar in her left cheek, probably from battle. She was a warrior, and, by the way she was posing, a Seeker of Truth. She had met a Seeker once, when she was still in the Circle. The woman was close, prowling, as the other one revealed herself from the shadows and stood in front of her. She had short, red hair, with a purple hood covering her head; if she was feeling something, anything, it was impossible to tell. The third silhouette was standing still by the door, impossible to be seen because of the darkness and the distance between them.

“Haven”, the Seeker answered in derision. The next question she made haltingly: “What is your name?”

“Tessa”, she responded with a sigh. So she was still in Haven. “What happened?”

“Last name. Now.”

“Why do you want to know?” The question Tessa made seemed to take the woman’s patience away, as little as it was. “Trevelyan.”

The silhouette scampered out of there, and Tessa just followed her – or him? – with her eyes.

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now.” The Seeker’s voice came from behind her shoulders, it was gruff and just _too_ close. “The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you.”

The Seeker was now in front of her, next to the hooded woman. Tessa didn’t reply, and just stared at them. She didn’t have an answer to give them because she didn’t even knew what happened.  The Seeker grabbed her wrist and lifted to her face.

“Explain this”, then she tossed Tessa’s hand back down.

“I… can’t”, Tessa answered with her brow furrowing.

 “What do you mean, you can’t?”

“I have no idea what that is.”

Given the response, the woman grabbed Tessa by the shoulders and lifted her with an amount of strength she didn’t think was possible for a woman of her size, and she could swear the Seeker wanted to slap her face – or punch her.

“You’re lying!”

“I am not!”

“We need her, Cassandra”, the hooded woman pushed the Seeker away from Tessa.

Tessa let her head drop so she could face her knees, as she finally thought about what Cassandra had just said. It wasn’t possible, it _couldn’t_ be possible.

“I can’t believe it… all those people… dead?” She looked up to the two women standing, her eyes watered, as she remembered all the people she was with. She couldn’t care less about the dead Templars, they wanted her dead even when she was in peace, but her peers, her _friends_. Every one of them escaped with her from Ostwick through Ferelden, they faced all the dangers the world could throw at them, just to die in a mission of peace. _Jonah, Klint, Frida, Desmond, Lana, Tanya, Georges... Lydia. Dead_.

“Do you remember what happened? How this began?” The redheaded woman asked her.

Tessa searched deep through her mind, even if it was hard. She was terribly confused.

“I remember… running. Things were chasing me, and then… a woman?” Tessa shook her head, trying to make her memories come back to her, “She reached out to me, and then…” She let out a sigh. She didn’t remember.

Tessa heard the Seeker call the woman “Leliana”, and asked her to go to the forward camp, so that she could take her to see the rift. _What is this rift? What is going on?_ Nothing made sense to her, and she was able to shoot fireballs with a simple thought.

As Cassandra set her wrists free just to tie them with a rope – which, at that point, was a welcome small comfort –, Tessa asked her what did really happen.

“It will be easier to show you.”

* * *

The Commander took Leliana's place in the valley so she could assist Cassandra. When he found out that the prisoner was a Mage, he knew for sure that the Seeker wouldn't keep the control on herself for too long, not with the only suspect of causing the explosion at the Conclave under her custody. He wouldn't be able to calm Cassandra down, hell, not even _he_ would be able of doing so. She was a mage. _A mage._ Leliana would be capable of getting things in order, at least during Cassandra's interrogation. In addition, she needed a rest. _Not that keeping Cassandra calm is an easy task._ He sighed, feeling guilty. _I assigned the hard mission to Leliana._

She refused to leave the place during all the time that the prisoner was unconscious. Cullen knew that the Divine's death left a deep scar on Leliana, and he couldn't blame her for doing that to forget it. He knew it too damn well how much the action could help on keeping some thoughts away.

The waves of demons seemed like they would never cease. They kept coming out from the rift as soon as they soldiers killed the ones that were there.

"Keep the formation", he shouted with a strong voice, almost a roar, to give confidence to the men and women under his command. "I know we're all tired, but we can't stop right now."

The archers needed more arrows, and the knights, new shields. Those demons were savage and wicked, fighting hard and eager to kill them. They managed to kill almost half of Cullen's soldiers, even with the rotation for them to rest. The squires were bringing needed supplies, and the younger ones were hiding while the older ones were fighting. The Commander didn't like that, but it was necessary at the moment.

He looked around during the break the rift was giving them, and checked the wounded, telling the younger squires to take them out of the battlefield and to leave them in some place safe. Cullen had his back to the rift as he was examining a wounded soldier, and didn’t see that it was already pulsing again, releasing demons, and that one of them got too close. When he realized, the demon was flat on the floor by his and the injured man’s side. Looking back, he saw the dwarf Varric Tethras waving and screaming something like “You’re welcome, Curly”. _I cannot let my guard down_. Then he stood up, fighting the demons as they came, killing one, two, three, four in a row with his shield and his sword.

And the rift was closed.

Without having a clue about what happened, he found Cassandra, followed by Varric, Solas and a woman he had never seen before. Maker, he had never seen such beauty, he didn’t even know it was possible for someone to be that beautiful. His breath got stuck in his throat as their eyes met, making him blush a little, as he thought of how ridiculous he was being. He soon started to speak with the Seeker, thinking to himself that it was probably safe to talk.

“Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift? Well done”, he said walking towards her, happy to stop fighting with demons for a moment. Cassandra let out a sigh.

“Do not congratulate me, Commander. This is the prisoner’s doing”, she casted a glance to her, and he couldn’t help but to look at her again.

Now that he was truly paying attention to her, she seemed very young, around her 21-24 years old, with a thick red bun on the top of her head, as hot as fire itself. Her skin was sheer and pale, and she had a small injury on her cheekbone that did not affect her beauty at all. Her eyes were like the waters of the lake near the place he grew up, blue and deep. She was easily a head shorter than him, which he thought was rather adorable. _Maker’s breath, I am ogling the girl_ , he thought, as he felt the blush in his neck growing strong to the tip of his ears.

“Is it?” Apparently, he remembered talking. _You stupid_. “I hope they’re right about you. We’ve lost a lot of people getting you here.”

“You’re not the only one hoping that”, her voice was soft and had a pleasant tone to the ears, and he thought he sensed a jocular shade on it.

“I think will see soon enough.” At that moment, he turned his gaze on Cassandra, needing to share the troops’ progress. “The way to the temple should be clear. Leliana will try to meet you there.”

“Then we’d best move quickly. Give us time, Commander.” Cassandra answered.

“Maker watch over you…” he said looking at the prisoner “…for all our sakes.”

With that said, he commanded the rested soldiers to stay put, and went back to the camp in Haven through the way he came from, offering his shoulder to one of the wounded soldiers. He needed to know how many were lost and how many were injured, and Josephine would most likely have the answers he was expecting.

All of that seemed so familiar that made him nauseated. Remembering Kirkwall and the Circle Tower was something he was trying hard to avoid at each passing minute. What was already difficult without the demons would certainly be even more painful with them. His sleep was already uncomfortable and unnerving, to say the least, and his headaches were already a pain in his ass. He surely didn’t need another reason not to sleep.

That girl though… she was _nothing_ he was expecting her to be. When he tried to see her while she was unconscious in the Chantry cell Cassandra stopped him, certainly because she was a mage. With that, he could only imagined what she would be like. His early experiences with mages didn’t improve her case, so it was easy for him to picture her as someone awful and disgraceful, and hating her would be effortlessly. However, she was young and beautiful, the very antithesis of what his imagination had drawn. She had wit, and didn’t use her magic on them. It was terrifying to think what mages could do, the pain they could bring, especially Inferno mages. Yet her targets were only the demons.

After several minutes of walking, Cullen arrived with his small army, and he asked the healers to take care of the injured. He looked for Josephine Montilyet, the friend Leliana had brought to help restored peace from chaos. He knew politics were important, and that neither he nor Leliana – or Cassandra – would be inclined to talk, meet or even write to nobles on a regular basis to design courses of action outside the heat of the battle. Josephine was a bard, but her most powerful weapons where not daggers, but words. She could be a feral beast that would mangle her prey with a few well-placed words, smiles and looks. And at that she was very good. He could be the commander of the military, but perhaps he wasn’t as lethal as she was.

“Commander!” He heard her call him from behind, the distinctive Antivan accent on her voice made him know right the way it was Josephine.

“Lady Montilyet”, he greeted her with a nod, “I believe you have information.”

“Yes”, she replied, setting a slow pace to the Chantry, “but not about the dead.”

“Oh?”

“It’s about the prisoner.” Hearing that made him be stand upright; he didn’t want to talk about the prisoner, not right now, not while there was a job to be done for the families of the deceased. He thought Josephine saw the restlessness in his look, but chose to ignore it: “Her name is Tessa Trevelyan. I thought I knew the Trevelyans from somewhere, but I wasn’t quite recalling, not with everything that’s been going on. They are an important family from the Free Marches, nobles and very devout. Before they discovered her magic, she was promised to the Chantry, much like her older brothers. Well, three of them were, as the oldest is the rightful heir and stayed in Ostwick to prepare for his role as lord. Two of her brothers served your former Order, one in Nevarra and the other one died in Ferelden Circle Tower. The one that was in Nevarra requested a transfer back to Ostwick, after the Circle there fell; he was apparently concerned about his little sister. Did I mention she is the youngest of five? Her other brother is a freelancer mercenary, who rebelled against the family, I don’t know why, but the Trevelyans are known for giving no voice to their children.”

On occasions, Cullen found amusing to see Josephine daydreaming aloud, but they were discussing over the primary suspect of killing the Divine and the entire Conclave. This shouldn’t be so lightly-toned.

“So! When the Ostwick Circle fell, one of the Templar recruits suspected a Mage was possessed and struck him down. He was not. Then, a Senior Mage counterattacked the young and terrified Templar, and casted a spell so the others would not strike him. However, he was not aware that there was an archer, and he died with an arrow crossed in his throat. Lady Trevelyan was training with her mentor, Senior Enchanter Lydia, inside one of the classrooms, and Templars overran the room. According to my sources, Lady Trevelyan and the Senior Enchanter were able to defeat them and managed to escape the Circle with seven of Lydia’s students, who were all friends with Lady Trevelyan. All of that happened last year, since the superior officers of the Ostwick Circle were doing a good job keeping the Templar-Mage war outside their walls. This part is interesting”, Josephine said casually, shifting the weight of her clipboard graciously from one arm to another, “The nine mages did not join the rebel cause right the way. Instead, they wandered throughout Ferelden, just trying to survive as Apostates, but we all know how Apostate Mages are being treated, don’t we, Commander?”

She winked and smiled acidly to him, trying to get on his nerve. He was aware she only did that to irritate him, like his little sister used to do back in his childhood, and she always succeeded – maybe that was why she kept teasing him. They arrived at Josephine’s office within the Chantry building, and she opened the door so that they could get in.

“Anyway, I do not know how or why, but her group did join the mage rebellion some time afterwards, and Lady Trevelyan was elected to attend the Conclave accompanied by Senior Enchanter Lydia as representatives of the Ostwick Circle. The others went with them, but the two were the ones supposed to do all the talking.”

Cullen let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes with his gloved fingers. So Tessa Trevelyan was a noble from Ostwick, who was already facing grave dangers on her life. He felt a tip of sadness for her, as a small feeling of empathy agitating in his stomach. He didn’t want Josephine to see his light shift of mood, so he tried to speak of something else other than the tragedies in Tessa Trevelyan’s life.

“That probably means she is greatly skilled in magic, if she was elected to be the Circle’s representative. With a Senior Enchanter.”

“Yes, to say the least.” Josephine was searching for something in her desk among the huge pile of papers, neatly organized. All that organization made him ache to mess everything. “Found it!” She was holding up a light-yellow parchment, and handed it over to the Commander, as if she was telling him to read the content. After a few seconds, Cullen sighed, appreciated that he didn’t had Lady Montilyet’s job.

“Shit.”

“I know”, she said, “Lady Trevelyan must have communicated frequently with her family during her travels.”

The parchment was a concerned letter from her older brother. He asked for information about his little sister, who had coppery hair and blue eyes, with a distinguished Ostwick accent, that had attended to the Conclave. He was offering a reward for those who had legit and accurate information about her.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to send a letter back that says: ‘she is the only survivor of the explosion, and she is under out custody wanting for trial, that will most likely find her guilty and sentence her to death. Oh, and by the way, there’s a magical mark on her hand that seems to be the only bloody thing that seals the rifts, and possibly the Breach’.”

“No, it is definitely not a good idea”, Lady Montilyet answered, laughing quietly, “I will just tell him that we found her after the explosion, and that she is our guest. Maybe I’ll ask her to send a letter as well, for reassurance.”

“Yes, that would be better.”

Something in his heart was telling him more trouble would come their way.


	3. Dear family...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Trevelyan family got word from its youngest child, tension grow between them.  
> Meanwhile in Haven, Tessa and Cullen finally get the chance to talk to each other outside the Inquisition environment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks!  
> I really liked writing about Tessa's family and her relationship with them. That's something I wanted the game to develop, but since it didn't, I will in the way I think it's gonna be loving and heartbreaking to see them apart.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_Dear brother,_

_I am all right. It is odd to write this, for everyone I knew is now dead. It is hard to live with this, but people here are kind to me, especially now that they know I am innocent for what happened at the Conclave; living together has become quite easy. Much more than when I wrote that last letter, so, please, you do not have to worry._

_How are you? And how is your lordship training? And Gregory, mother and father? I hope I wasn’t subject of concern to you, I wasn’t sure about what to write last time, I just wanted you to know I was alive. Now, I am well._

_I miss you all deeply. If I could, I would ride a horse home at this very moment. Do you remember why I did not return home last year, when you asked me? I was afraid for your safety, for what protecting nine fugitives mages would do to you. It is not different now. The Chantry does not acknowledge the Inquisition, and everyone here is considered a heretic for sheltering me. The false prophet of the Maker, the lie that is the Herald of Andraste. Besides, they need me here; I am the only one who can seal the Rifts._

_By the way, the Mark doesn’t hurt anymore, and I consider that a victory. Solas says it stopped spreading after I stabilized the Breach, and I believe him. I do feel better about it! I’ve been talking quite a bit to him lately – and not because he is the only mage who is not taken by the anger towards templars – he is rather nice to me, and is wise in ways I wouldn’t be able to describe. Cassandra is not annoyed by my presence anymore, which is… weird. I was getting used to that, so I’m not really sure about how to handle this kinder side of her. The Ambassador and the Spymaster are both so very fun that I just love being around them. Varric is amazing. The stories he tells, the way he tells them… It is as I am there, living them! He brings an easiness to us that is all so welcome. And the Commander… well, he is certainly a professional, and a great leader, but he is just so surly and rough. I am not sure if it is because he was a Templar, and I am a Mage – and we know old habits die hard –, or if that is just his way._

_I will soon leave to the Hinterlands to encounter a revered mother who may assist us to deal with the Chantry, so my letters will get infrequent. I will send one just before my departure._

_I have only one request for you, Philip. Do you know of James? Where he is, what he is doing or even if he is alive? It kills me not to know of our brother. If he could just give a crap to us and tell us on which company he is working, I would be relieved – and I’m sure you would too. Please, send me news of him, anything._

_May the Maker and Andraste preserve you all._

_I love you infinitely, and I can’t wait to see you again,_

_Your sister,_

_T._

 

Philip finished reading the letter his youngest sister had sent him, and sat back behind the enormous table in his chambers to write her a response. He and his siblings had always been very close, and even with the age difference, they were always protective to one another. Including James. His brother always had a bad temper, he was easily annoyed, he was too sarcastic and had a humor too acid. However James was the one who fought the hardest for his siblings, and he was always willing to take the blame for them, even when it was not necessary. That is why it was so painful to watch him leave.

It was on the edge of impossible for Philip to watch his siblings depart – to serve the Order, to join the Circle, to be exiled. They were the best friends he had and the best people he knew, and that was why he would always keep in touch with them, although he couldn’t ever track down James to write him, it was always James who sent news. His brother never stayed in the same place for more than one week, which made impossible for Philip’s letters to reach him.

He hated being the eldest one and left behind and alone in Ostwick, learning to be a lord. It was an incredibly boring, exhausting and hellish job. Philip didn’t know how his father kept doing that for so long, though he did seem relieved to share the burden with his eldest son.

It was easy for him to remember everything he went through with his brethren: Gregory distracting the cooks so that Tessa could steal the cookies from the kitchens, James forging an excuse so Philip could meet the merchant’s daughter in secret, Tessa entertaining their parents so Frederick and Philip could play Wicked Grace – the game Lord and Lady Trevelyan abhorred so much. The memory of Frederick made his stomach ache. _To the Void with Ferelden_.

His letter got, somehow, longer than he expected, so he read it twice to make sure he was not leaving anything out. Tessa would be happy to get a detailed message from him, as he was. He wrote about his “lordship training”, like she was so fond of calling it, about Gregory’s betrothal, about their father’s attempts of getting Philip a bride, and, of course, the attempt of getting her back home. He knew it would be useless, though. His sister was too caring and stubborn to leave those people without doing everything in her power to help.

After he personally sent the raven to Haven, Philip went to the summer gardens to meet with his parents with Tessa’s letter in hand. They enjoyed being there every morning, just savoring each other’s presence, and his father would always give his mother the most beautiful flower they had there. They found happiness in an arranged marriage, and seem to love each other deeply now. He only hoped Gregory would find such joy in his marriage as well.

“Did you ask her to return again?” His mother asked after reading the letter, “Were you clear on your request?”

“Yes, mother”, he reply, keeping his gaze on her, with his hands behind his back. The woman rose to her feet from the bench she was seated, and kissed his cheeks tenderly.

“For what I know of my daughter”, Lord Bann started, “and I think we all here know her well, she will refuse again. There is not much to be done here, Adelaide.”

Philip watched his mother’s lovable look shift drastically to one of pure rage, completely dismayed with her husband waiver about bringing their only daughter back home, back to them, where she belonged.

“Have you lost your mind, Bann? I will not leave her there, our baby girl, not after everything she’s been through!” Adelaide Trevelyan was crying, and Philip couldn’t tell if it was out of anger or sadness, “She survived the explosion of the Conclave, she was the suspect of doing so, she nearly died because of that damn mark on her hand, and, if it wasn’t enough, she fought demons, Bann. _Demons_! You should be preparing an army to march over this Inquisition, and bring her back by force!”

“I think _you_ are the one who lost your mind, mother”, Philip had to talk, everything about the idea was absurd, “Would you really risk a war with the Inquisition to bring Tessa back, even against her will? This is not up to us. Besides, she is not a child anymore, she is a grown woman.”

Lord Bann said nothing, but by the way he was staring at them, he was clearly supporting his son on the matter. He didn’t like the thought of an unnecessary war. Who would?

“You are the lords”, Lady Adelaide said solemn, retreating back to the castle.

* * *

The afternoon was falling upon Haven with a gentle white light as the squires and scouts of the Inquisition were rushing through the camp, preparing for the Herald’s departure to the Hinterlands. Cullen was instructing some of the scouts and a small group of soldiers that would accompany their trip, while Rylen, his second-in-command, was training the recruits. Leliana was giving orders to her agents inside her tent, and Josephine was inside the Chantry building dealing with Marquis DuRellion. Cassandra was near him, destroying the training dummies. Again.

He saw by the corner of his eye the Herald approaching Cassandra, perhaps to set a few details of their upcoming trip. Much to his surprise, the Seeker laughed loudly about something the other woman had said, making one of his eyebrows lift almost immediately with curiosity, having no idea of what was happening. He preferred to get back to his duties feeling stupid and gossipy, paying attention to other people’s interactions like he was. He had a lot of work to do.

When he completed the instructions, Cullen began to supervise the training of his new soldiers. Not that Rylen needed a babysitter, but it was good for the men and women to see their Commander engaged in their training routine. A few minutes later, the conversation between Cassandra and Tessa had ended, and the latter was walking towards him, with her usual bun and dark winter clothes. It had been weeks since they started working together, and he had never seen her any different in the way she dressed.

“Good afternoon, Commander”, he heard her greeting him as he responded with a rigid nod, “How’s the training going?”

“Well.” He answered stiffly. It had been weeks, and he still didn’t know how to conduct himself around her. He knew his dry and brief responses annoyed her, but it was better that she kept her distance; his struggle against the lyrium withdrawal was hard enough without mages near. He watched her blue eyes narrowing and her jaw clenching, and decided to give her a more eloquent answer: “We have a long work ahead, but the recruits seem willing to learn.”

She seemed relieved with the reply, and unclenched her facial muscles, lighting her expression beautifully, “Walk with me?”

“I– uh… of course.”

They had never been alone before, so they walked side by side immersed in an awkward silence, unsure of how to act, as the trees were painted in the peaceful white of the falling snow.

“So…” she started shyly, a new side of her he hadn’t seen before. She was always with a grin smile on her face, laughing and making jokes, “I think we should get to know each other. After all, we have been working together for weeks now and we haven’t said a word to one another outside work environment. I think that would maybe make things more… tolerable between us.”

“ _Tolerable_?” He chuckled. That would be the word he would use to describe the next step of their relationship.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true.” She said, joining his laughter. It was a gracious sound, pleasant to his ears, “You are too serious, you could relax a bit and talk to people.”

“I talk to people”, he protested. _Now she is just being unfair_.

“Talks about tactics don’t count, Commander.” He had to smile, and noticed she was smiling too. She was right and she knew it.

“All right.” He said, defeated, “What do you want to know?”

“Hmmm, do you have a family?” She asked after considering for a brief moment.

“Two sisters and a brother. We grew up in a small village near Honnleath. When the Blight came, they fled to South Reach”, remembering his family made his heart ache. It had been awhile since he last wrote to Mia, “What about you?”

Tessa giggled and arched her coppery eyebrows in surprise, “You don’t know?”, she hid her mouth behind a small gloved hand, “I’m sorry the surprise, but everyone here knows everything about me, maybe even my favorite season of the year.”

“I don’t”, he smiled, lifting slightly one eyebrow.

“I exaggerated. Maybe. Leliana probably knows it. It’s summer, by the way, the best season in Ostwick, when the days are warm and the nights are cool, and the beaches are just marvelous.” She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the memory.

“It must be quite a change.”

“It is.” She agreed, with her gaze on him, “I could wear lighter clothes, and I like the sun touching my skin. Not mentioning the landscape, which was just perfect in all the colors in the world. My brothers and I used to play by the beach near our home, building great sand castles, and they pretended to be seahorses and I was always a mermaid. It’s too cold here.”

“It definitely is”, he agreed, also preferring the warm of summer to that chilly breeze that could freeze his bones during the nights. “Josephine mentioned you have brothers, but I don’t know anything about them.”

“Well, Philip is the firstborn, and he will be the Lord of our House. Gregory is a Templar; he was serving in Nevarra, and now he’s back in Ostwick. Now I learned he is betrothed to an Antivan princess. Frederick and James…” She paused, and sighed, letting her gaze drop to her feet. “I have no news of James for a while. Frederick died at the Circle Tower here in Ferelden. Maybe you knew him.”

Then he remembered he served with a man named Frederick who was just a bit younger than he was when he was serving at the Circle Tower, and the man shared the Herald’s last name, Cullen felt a punch in his stomach. How could he not have remembered?

“He was a good man”, he smiled shyly, and touched her shoulder lightly, as she smiled back at him, thanking him with her big blue eyes. “What happened to James?”

“Father exiled him for disobedience and almost causing a war in Ostwick.”

“What?”

“I know, it sounds crazy. My brother didn’t want to serve the Order for he had fallen for a girl from an important family – which is, by the way, our rival. He wanted to marry her, but father wouldn’t let him, and demanded from James to go to the Order and take the vows, including the chastity ones, so that he wouldn’t run back to the girl. Of course, it didn’t work, and now my brother is a freelancer mercenary. I don’t know where he is or even if he’s still alive.” She sighed again, long and deep, and looked away. “That’s not really a matter I like to discuss.”

It was just at that moment that Cullen realized he had been too nosey, and all he could do was apologizing. Even when Tessa said he didn’t obligated her to talk, he couldn’t possibly forgive himself for his indiscretion and kept on feeling terrible.

“I thought you had a problem with me”, she whispered after a few uncomfortable minutes of silence.

He wasn’t expecting that, so he choked on his own breath, “What– I… what do you mean?”

“You know, your harsh and way too short sentences to me. You avoiding me on a daily basis.” She said, smiling timidly.

“No, I don’t… I don’t have a problem with you, Herald. It is just an old habit of mine”, he responded rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit guilty about the way he was treating her.

“Oh, yes. The mighty Templars can’t socialize with the dreadful Mages”, she chuckled, teasing, clearly enjoying his annoyed gaze melting away by the sound of her laugh, “you’re also too formal. You can just call me by my name.”

“I don’t think that would be proper.”

“Oh, _come on_. I am not giving you any especial treatment, everyone calls me by my name. Except that creepy cleric, who insists on calling me ‘heretic’. Honestly, who talks like that?”

Cullen couldn’t do anything else but laugh, because once again she was right. He noticed the long distance they strolled, and knew they had to come back to the main camp. When he informed her he still had a lot of work to be done, she stared at him with such intensity he shuddered.

Now that he had taken a closer look at her, he saw a few details he haven’t seen before. Her hair were of the color of the fallen leaves of autumn, in shades of copper, brown and red, depending on the luminosity. She had freckles spread over her cheeks and thin nose, and her lips were full and pink. The eyes were definitely her most remarkable feature, for they could penetrate any armor with that blue and bright ocean. The wound she once had on her face had fully healed without any trace that it was ever there, and her pure and pale face was just flawless. Cullen blinked and cleared his throat, strolling back to the path they came from, with Tessa humming by his side. He thought that was rather funny and simply charming, and couldn’t contain a smile from growing in his scarred lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't forget of leaving your feedback, it's really important to me :3
> 
> Good week to you all :*


	4. Little blaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa finds herself recollecting some family memories as a ghost from her past comes back to haunt her, while Cullen remembers his own demons, and reluctantly faces his longing for the Herald.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there :)  
> I don't know how often I'm gonna be able to keep posting this, because I have to write my final paper for college and it's killing me D: but I promise I'll try to keep posting.
> 
> Meanwhile, here's a chapter to establish some background on our main characters. I promise this is going somewhere!

Tessa never shared her chambers with anyone, even in Ostwick. Her mother insisted that one of the handmaidens would sleep in her daughter’s room, but Tessa never allowed it. She always enjoyed her privacy – even as a child –, and the handmaidens rarely gave her that. Being the only girl in the house was a tough job, especially with Adelaide Trevelyan lurking at every corner in the family’s small castle. She was overly protective and severe, always demanding perfection in everything. Her daughter _had to_ be the best, her little girl _had to_ be perfect.

In her young age, Tessa liked being around her brothers. She would meddle in their training at arms, and she learned how to use a bow when she was 3 years-old. Of course, her arrows didn’t get far and they never hit the target, but the effort was there. Her brothers treasured the company of her, and Frederick made her first – and only – wooden shield. It was small and fragile, but she always had it with her. When she went to the Circle, she took what was left of the shield with her, long destroyed, and when the Circle fell, she lost the shreds of it. That made her ache deep inside.

Her father used to call her “his little blaze” because of her intense coppery hair. The memory of her sobriquet always made her smile; it was as if he always knew somehow. Bann Trevelyan found amusing to see his little blaze running after her brothers wherever they went, so he authorized the master-at-arms to train her with them. Ostwick was a traditional city, and that would certainly be seen as a treason to customs, but the Lord Trevelyan cared more about his family than about stupid traditions. “Maker take them”, he always said.

“When you’re older, Tessa, you are going to be a great woman”, he told her once, when she was 7, “I see a splendid future ahead of you, little blaze. I am certain Andraste has only grand plans for you.”

Her father always gave her everything she needed, and he would move mountains for his children. That is why it was very confusing for her when she learned he had promised them to the Chantry. She asked him once, but he simply reply she was too young to worry about that. When he exiled James, Gregory and Philip told Tessa that their father kept himself away from everything and everyone, locked alone in his private chambers for more than a month, refusing to leave. Frederick’s death, which occurred before that, nearly took Bann Trevelyan to the Maker’s side.

The memories of her back in Ostwick were not always sweet, and one in particular haunted her since the day she fled the falling Circle with her friends. Tessa was 9 when she began to notice changes in her body, changes she didn’t understand. Her brothers didn’t know what they were, for they weren’t visible, and her mother gave her felandris tea so that she could stop feeling whatever she was feeling. One evening, when she was too tired to argue with her mother about leaving a handmaiden in her chambers, Tessa had a nightmare, which showed James being consumed by red claws that grew in his neck. She ran and ran, but she never reached him, as the red demon inside him made red and black drip from his eyes and nostrils. An evil laugh flooded her ears while James screamed and bled, and Tessa never got close.

She woke up weeping and shouting Philip’s lap, at the main hall. Tessa looked around, uncertain of what was happening, and saw servants rushing with buckets of water to her room. Her chambers were completely in flames, and the handmaiden was dead.

Tessa woke up gasping, her breath, heavy. She looked around, realizing she was in her comfortable cottage in Haven. The sound of the crackling fire began to soothe her slowly, as she sat on the edge of her bed, touching the cold ground with her bare feet, making her spine shiver. She breathed deep, blinking to accustom her eyes. It was always difficult for her to go back to sleep after such dreams. Ellanya was the first person she killed, and the elven woman was kind and caring to Tessa when she was a child. She constantly told herself it was an accident when her magic manifested for the first time, but she was never able forgive – and forget – what she did. If she had insisted harder, her mother could have let her sleep alone that night, and Ellanya would still be alive.

Sighing and stretching her arms above her head with a yawn, Tessa walked to her boots and her white wool coat, put them on and opened the door. The cold breeze kissed her face, and her entire body clenched automatically to the frigid touch making her cross her arms in front of her chest. The lights in the camp were out, and the only sounds she could hear were the owls peeping and metal crushing something stuffed. She turned her head to the latter, and witnessed Commander Cullen in an intense – and rather unfair – fight against a training dummy. Tessa noticed he saw her, so she nodded friendly, and he reciprocated. He seem intended to interrupt his training to go and talk to her, but she quickly made him change his mind with a soft gesture.

She walked around her cottage, driving herself to the frozen lake a little beyond the camp. She turned again to see Cullen and perceived he wasn’t wearing his armor and his furry coat, only the clothes he possibly wore underneath. That was probably the first and only time he left his cottage not heavily dressed. Then she noticed, even at distance, the muscles of his arms and legs, finally visible, and his broad shoulders. She bitted her lower lip, as broad shoulders were always her foible. _Damn, of course he has broad shoulders_. She was physically attracted to him, but she didn’t daydream about it. She did have more important things to do with her time. Besides, he was still a rude man and at least a decade older than she was. Her opinion on him hadn’t change, even after their pleasant conversation on the day before.

Tessa turned and trailed her path to the lake. When she reached the lakeshore, a young man stepped from behind a tree, a new squire who had arrived at the week prior, maybe three years older than her. She swore she had seen him before the Inquisition, although couldn’t place him anywhere when she searched through her mind.

“You scared me”, she said frowning.

“Forgive me, Lady Herald”, he answered taking a bow. Tessa recognized her own accent in his voice, “I was not intending on doing so.”

“What were you doing behind that tree?” She asked, expecting a lie as a response.

“Relieving myself, my lady.”

“Don’t you have a latrine?”

“It was full, my lady.”

 _Liar. The latrines are cleaned every evening before sleep. And you are not wearing nightclothes if you are just ‘relieving yourself’_.

“What are you doing so far from the camp?”

The man sighed. He let his hands rest on his hips, and then dropped them to his sides.

“My name is Lazarus, my lady. I work for your mother. She sent me from Ostwick to bring you home, Lady Trevelyan.”

Tessa knew he was telling the truth at that moment, because it was extremely plausible. Her brother told her in his last letter, weeks back, their mother insistently required her return home. She shook her head softly, unwilling to believe her mother would behavior like that behind her brother and father’s back, even if it was so typical of her.

“I am sorry to say this, but I am afraid your trip to Haven was in vain, ser Lazarus. You may return to Ostwick and tell my mother I will not be returning.”

“Lady Herald, your mother has authorized me to use force if necessary. I do not wish to harm you, my lady.”

Hearing such sentence made her tilt her head delicately to the right. She observed him carefully, not spotting any visible blade. _A bard, possibly_. Then, she smiled almost friendly. “I would like to see you try, ser.”

That said, Tessa watched him for a brief moment until his hidden blade slipped through the sleeve of his tunic to his hand. She knew he wouldn't kill her, he seem to have a shred of intelligence on him not to anger Lady Adelaide at the same time he was foolish enough to challenge her to combat, even if she didn’t have a staff on her. _I don’t need one now, anyway_. He advanced, quick and easy, trying to scare her with his blade. She took a step back, cautious; the wound on her face had just healed, he wouldn’t mark her. She threw a weak fireball at his feet, trying to make him come back to his senses, as mage fire would normally fright those who were sane. _Apparently, he isn’t_. Lazarus moved graciously, almost as a dance, she had to admit it. He tried to cut her, and she ducked, holding back as long as she could, not to use her magic.

She felt a pair of strong hands on her shoulders, pulling her back and then pushing her violently against a tree. A second man was now holding her, trapping her against him and the bulk with his forearm on her neck. She didn’t know where he came from, as she could only feel him pressing her while the other one was smiling. _They think it’s over. Good_. She felt her fire burning down through her arms to her hands as it emerged on her. She pressed her palms against the man’s face with a swift move, and made him burn as they were falling to the ground. He tried to scream, but she slid one of her flaming hands to his mouth to shut him up. Lazarus had his eyes open wide, while the other man was burning in silence. Tessa rose to her feet and casted a weak immolation spell on his left leg, making him fall and scream in pain. She walked to him and rapidly put her hand in his mouth and an index finger on her lips. He nodded, understanding what she meant, and stayed quiet.

“You are going to go back to Ostwick, and you will tell my mother I was already gone to the Hinterlands, and you were afraid that our Spymaster would uncover your disguise. About your friend here…” she pointed to the burned man with her head, “…he died on the trip back. Do we have an agreement?”

* * *

The Commander stayed up after everybody in the camp went to sleep, checking the last details to the Herald’s trip to the Hinterlands. The reports he was getting were not good as the Mage-Templar war, demons, Rifts and bandits consumed the region. The Herald also had to convince an old horseman to give his horses to the Inquisition, and, as far as Cullen knew, it wouldn’t be easy. He drove himself to his rough bed already off his armor, rubbing the back of his neck. He threw himself to the thin mattress and tried to sleep. After Uldred and Kirkwall, sleeping was never easy. In his best nights, he could sleep three, maybe four hours. In his worst…

Cullen knew lyrium withdrawal made everything worse. Lyrium at least made his nightmares softer, and gave him more hours of rest, but that was a decision he made and was intending on keeping it. He wanted to be free of the leash the Chantry and the Order had on him. He _needed_ that, for everything he had been through, for everything and everyone he lost and for the life he left behind.

In almost every moment, all sort of thoughts and things occupied his mind. It was difficult to be focused. Many memories took him at a way it was a battle to stay concentrated, and the battles he had fought were somewhat easier than the traps his mind made.

He rolled in his bed for minutes that seemed like hours before he finally realized he wouldn’t get any sleep that night. He got up and put on the tunic he usually wore under his armor, tiptoeing not to wake Rylen up; it wasn’t fair not to let anyone else sleep. He took his sheathed sword and stepped out of his cottage.

Unsheathing the sword, he put it down to stretch his arms and neck, knowing he would regret if he didn’t. He stared for a long moment to the dummy when his eyes tracked back to Tessa Trevelyan’s cottage. He sighed heavily, his mind racing. After their talk and his discovery of so many things of her life, he spent the rest of the previous afternoon remembering Frederick Trevelyan melancholically. He was a young man, in his 17 or 18 years old, cautious and loyal, a good fighter and a good soldier. _I didn’t lie to her, he was a good man_. He knew in his heart that Tessa did not know how her brother died, only that it occurred in Ferelden, during the rebellion on the Circle Tower. He had to admit he was immensely relieved she didn’t ask him what happened. He knew, he _saw_ it. That was one of the things that haunted him even after all those years.

Before he could notice, Cullen was already striking and assaulting the training dummy with the sword. He tried to focus on his technique, not to seem sloppy and just angry, but his mind was on Tessa. On the intensity of her copper hair, on her freckles, on those big lakes that inhabited her eyes, on her lips. _Andraste preserve me, those lips_. He caught himself thinking about her small, delicate hands on his body, feeling an arousal growing on him, as he thought of how mysterious those hands were to him. He met hundreds of mages before, but the hands were always a mystery to him, and Tessa’s were so graceful he couldn’t picture them doing magic.

He spent long minutes fighting the dummy, sweating his arousal out, striking here and there under the moonlight and the owls’ singing, when he heard a creak behind him. He turned to see Tessa sliding out of her cottage, a welcome vision, completely different that he had ever seen before. She had her hair loose for the first time – that he saw, anyway – and it was longer that he imagined, forming the perfect frame for her face. It was a cascade of fire, bathing her breasts and back. Her coat was of a pure white, intensifying the copper color of her hair and hiding her skin. He barely saw her nodding, and maybe the Maker thought he was pathetic and made him nod back not to look a complete fool. He wanted to go to her and say something, but her gesture made him stay put. It would be better this way, he would only embarrass himself. He was getting too distracted about her and her beauty. Rylen kept saying she was the exact type of woman he would imagine Cullen running after like a stray pup, because she was the exact type of woman that _any man_ would run after like a stray pup. She was pleasant to talk to, gentle, polite and smart. _Who wouldn’t want her?_ He kept his distance precisely not to fall under her charm. _I have to train, keep these thoughts away_.

When Cullen thought of her, he thought of her in a physical way. One night he felt himself hard for her, and extremely ashamed, he masturbated until his pleasure was released. He felt his neck burn in his blush while remembering the situation and a wave of relief hit him on the realization that Tessa was not there anymore. Even at distance, he couldn’t let himself be seen embarrassed, the Commander still had an image to keep. He sustained his training until his muscles complain, but he didn’t give in.

During his strikes, he turned himself facing the frozen lake and saw an orange gleam coming from between the trees, and then another. His soldier's instincts took over him, as he ran with urgency flooding his entire being to that direction with his sword at hand, passing through tents, extinguished fires, rocks, half-frozen drunks and trees.

He reached the lakeshore sweating and breathing hard, and his gaze dropped to a dead man with a head as burned as charcoal, and Tessa crouched beside another man who was crying quietly and squeezing his leg.

“What in the Void is going on here?” He asked urgently, worried about the scenario, and driving himself to Tessa, “Are you alright?”

“Yes”, she answered staring at him. Cullen offered her a hand to get up and she took it, standing up quickly, sighing. “They tried to kidnap me.”

“What?!”

She didn’t seem concerned, she was actually a little relaxed and was looking at him directly in his eyes. She passed her hand through her hair in a way that showed her neck, which was a bit red as if someone pressed it.

“Mother sent them here to take me back to Ostwick. I knew this would happen eventually, my brother warned me. However, I never thought she would let them use force.”

“Is that what happened to your neck?” He questioned, seeing her pulling up the collar of the coat around her neck to hide it, nodding timidly. He pointed with his head to the dead one, “Was that the one who attacked you?”

“Yes, so I defended myself. I let the other one alive to return to Ostwick.”

“We should keep him under our custody, Herald.” He said without waiting for a response, walking towards the weeper.

“No, Cullen.” He heard her say, feeling her wrapping her hands around his elbow, pulling him gently but firm enough to make him stop. Cullen turned to see her now intense worried eyes upon him, making him feel a bit uncomfortable with the touch and the look. “Please. This is a family business. Don’t drag the Inquisition into this, it is not necessary.”

“Tessa, he infiltrated our camp. I can’t let this slide.”

“You are not letting this slide. Look at his leg. I did that. He has his punishment.” She freed his arm without taking her eyes off him, “Let me handle this.”

He sighed and rubbed his hair. _I can’t believe I’m agreeing with this. Cassandra and Leliana will kill me. Painfully_.

“Alright. But we’ll tell Leliana and Cassandra everything that happened here.”

“Of course”, she agreed. Tessa grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it gently, “Thank you.”

Quickly she released his hand as he stared at her foolishly, imagining how everything took place. She harvested some elfroot, and threw at the man that had just stopped weeping.

“Treat his burn, would you? And do not forget our agreement.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed :)


	5. In Haven, the refuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the lakeshore, Tessa and Cullen get the chance to know each other a bit more.  
> Tessa starts to feel more comfortable in Haven as she prepares to leave to the Hinterlands.

After they woke Leliana and Cassandra to report what happened in the lakeshore earlier, Cullen and Tessa returned to her cottage. All of them – except Tessa – agreed it would be better that she had company just in case someone else tried to get to her. Cullen volunteered to stay with her during the evening, for he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep; Leliana and Cassandra were so somnolent they barely kept their eyes open throughout their brief meeting.

Tessa opened the door to her small and cozy cottage, which had a weak and warm light due to the dying fire lit in the hearth on the corner, and everything there had a soft smell of honey. There was a bookshelf by the door, filled with books, tomes and journals; to its right, many rolls of parchments, letters, quills, ink and a single wildflower within a vase were atop the small desk that had a padded chair accompanying it. Against the opposing wall was Tessa’s messed bed, sheets at one end, pillow at the other. The hearth was strategically near everything, with a tiny end table to its left. On top of it were a set of tea and herbs. Her trunk was on the other side of the door, majestic and huge, with a hatstand and an old lute on each side.

“Josephine’s done quite the work here.” Cullen said, admiring that little refuge.

“That is true.” Tessa agreed smiling, taking off her coat and hanging it on the hatstand. “I don’t know how she’s done it. I also have no idea on how she was able to get my stuff back; I thought everything had… exploded.”

She indicated the padded chair so that Cullen could sit, and he gladly did. Once he was settled, he saw Tessa bent over, taking off her boots and tossing them at the corner, driving herself towards the basket of logs she had by the hearth and she flung some to the weak flames. He detected a small spark leaving her index finger, inciting the fire to burn strong. _Maker, those hands_. She rose to her feet, and walked to the nearby table, and he saw the elegant curves of her body hidden under the thin robe she was wearing atop her nightclothes. While she shifted graciously the weight of her body from one leg to the other, Cullen’s eyes paid attention to every inch of her, taking their time on her perfectly rounded behinds, making him breathe hard and blush furiously. He closed his eyes and leaned his elbows on his knees, letting his head rest on his hands.

Not long after, Cullen felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, sighting Tessa by his side offering him a cup of tea. He took it with both hands, thanking her and waiting for it to cool down a bit.

“I just don’t have anything to offer as a side.” She said playfully, taking her own cup and sitting on her bed, in front of him. She pulled her clothes up a little so she could cross her legs on the mattress, and that small portion of naked skin made a shiver run through the back of his neck, making him rub it almost instantly.

They spent several moments in an awkward silence, savoring their tea. Their eyes met a few times, but they still didn’t know what to say, so they would just smile in embarrassment and quickly paid attention to something else. Cullen was the first to break the silence.

“I– hm… you… have a lot of books.”

“Yes”, she said starring at the bookshelf, “they are mostly tomes. Some are novels, the rest are journals. I don’t know how you people managed to get all of this back.”

“Josephine’s doing”, he said with a weak laugh, “Don’t ask me how.”

“Many favors, perhaps”, she wondered, biting her lower lip, “Some of them I know are new, mine were too worn and I had some notes between the pages. But my journals… most of them are here. I think Josephine might be a witch.” She whispered faking fear, making him chuckle.

After his laughter died, they fell once again in a morose silence. Cullen noticed that Tessa parted her lips slightly a few times, shutting them afterwards, uncertain of what to say until she finally did.

“Tell me, Commander…” She started with a mischievous look, “what do you do when you’re not training recruits, planning troop’s movement and spanking poor, defenseless training dummies?”

“Ah, I…” He chuckled _again_. What does she have to make him laugh so much? Maybe it was her choice of words or the tone she used, or both, but he couldn’t possibly understand. He _never_ laughs this much. “I enjoy chess, although it’s been a while since I last played it.”

“Why is that?” Tessa asked interested.

“With everything that’s been happening, the Conclave, the Inquisition, demons… I have little time left. Also… well, I can’t remember where I left my board.” He admitted a little ashamed of his sloppiness, listening to Tessa’s amusement laugh.

“I’ll try to find it for you, how is that?” She offered with smile. “Then we’ll play.”

“Oh, you don’t have to waste your time with this.” He said surprised by her proposition.

“I won’t be wasting my time. It will be good for you to distract. We don’t need our Commander upset and angry”, she smiled again, “Tell me all about this board of yours.”

As he described his chessboard, he noticed more details about her. Tessa had at least two scars, a small and soft line in her left foot, as if a sword was dropped quick and not strong enough to penetrate, only to rip her skin a little; the other one was a thick mark of poorly healed tissue on her right calf, probably made by an arrow. He had one scar of those himself, and he remembered how much pain he was in when the arrow hit him. Cullen began to imagine how she got those scars and if she had others. He got curious, wondering if she had any hidden marks on her body, on secret places of her only a lover could see. He felt a wild flush growing in his neck as he realized he had stopped speaking, and Tessa was calling him back to reality, where she was fully dressed and he didn’t know about her scars.

“Cullen?” She called him with open eyes and arched brows, “Can you hear me?”

“I– yes.” He finally verbalized _something_ , even if he couldn’t remember what they were discussing, hoping he didn’t make a fool of himself. She tried to hold her laughter, but she was excessively amused by his confusion. “Hm…” He rubbed the back of his neck, his face was red as her hair, “What were we talking about?”

She laughed loudly, throwing her head back. It was an amazing and sweet sound, one he could never get tired of hear. “Your chessboard”, she said after she calmed. He described it, focusing hard not to get distracted by anything and look stupid again.

“What about you?” He asked.

“What about me?”

“What do you like when you’re not… well, being the Herald of Andraste?”

She was reluctant to say anything at first, demanding that Cullen would promise he would not ask her to do any of the things she was going to tell him. After his promise, she told him how much she enjoyed music, dancing and art, told him about how much she liked being creative. She relished on stepping away from magic for a moment – as much as she loved it – and make, as she said herself, “normal and non-magical stuff, for a change.” She appreciated to see her hands designing art instead of spells, and liked to charm with her voice and lute instead of tomes and staffs.

“You are making me rather curious, my lady.” Cullen said with his lips slighted curved in a wry smile, “It will be difficult to keep my promise.”

He chuckled when Tessa told him to deal with it, and their conversation went to such a relaxing point that she sneaked under her blankets and fell asleep as he rested his head back on the chair. It was comfortably inviting him to slumber and he lazily slid into the Fade.

* * *

Tessa Trevelyan fell asleep under the sleepy Commander’s husky voice, while he was sharing a story that happened long ago, when he was only a recruit of the Order. She never heard the end of it nor saw if he stayed in her cottage after she was slumbering. She thought he did, due to the situation on the lakeshore; and if he truly stayed, she didn’t know if he had dozed off or not. The tea she gave him always made her numb of sleepiness, but she wasn’t sure if it would have the same effect on him.

Everything she knew is that, when she woke, he wasn’t there. She got up and prepared for the day, choosing thick leather breeches, a navy blue tunic she loved and a black furry cloak to wear for the chilly breeze she was not yet accustomed of Haven. She put on her boots, extinguished the remaining weak fire with a gesture, and left her cottage. Tessa was about to have a long day ahead of her due to her upcoming travel to the Hinterlands on the morrow.

She had a lot on her to-do list. First, she had to visit the forge to check on her new equipment and staff. Had to retrain her riding skills, since the horses she was used to were generally light, quick on their paws, resistant, able to endure a long march; the Inquisition’s horses were strong and heavy, bred for work. She had to study her tomes once again, to recollect certain spells that might come a handy for her and her companions. She had to pack a bag, and finally, meet with the war council to coordinate the details of her journey.

But, before all that, she needed to eat.

Cassandra, Varric, Solas, Josephine, Leliana, a hand full of soldiers, squires and scouts were gathered around the main campfire, each one snatching a piece of bread and sipping tea from their tankards. Solas was a little outside the circle people formed – which didn’t really surprised her, she knew how much he enjoyed solitude like her, at times – as Leliana and Josephine giggled from a joke Varric had just told, while they were eating berries from a wooden bowl. Cassandra snorted with disdain each time Varric spoke, as usual, but Tessa was certain it was all for show. She searched, but didn’t find Cullen in the circle, and looked around for him with her eyes, spotting him chatting with Rylen, his second-in-command, while drinking from his huge rustic tankard. He was indescribably attractive. She never really cared for blonde men, still he managed to take her breath away with those curls and shoulders of his. _Andraste, he is gorgeous_. He didn’t see her, and she sighed, unwilling to greet him. _At least not at first_.

“Good morning”, she saluted them all, with a friendly grin on her face.

“Good morning, Herald kid”, Varric said with a teasing smirk. She thought intriguing that he would call her ‘Herald kid’, but she assumed it was due to their age difference. She couldn’t blame him – or the others – for remarking her age, for it must be weird to follow someone as young as she was, but she was eager to prove them she could be a leader they could trust, “Did you sleep okay?”

She nodded confirming, and stole some berries from Josephine and Leliana’s bowl. It was pleasant to be around them. Varric kept on telling his story about Kirkwall, as she was listening in silence, she could almost read back the words from his _Tale of the Champion_ , one of her favorite books. However, it was more vivid and easily to picture the scenario from his voice and quirks on storytelling.

After breakfast and friendly talks, Tessa went on her path to the forge to meet with Harritt as everyone else retreated to their own duties. The blacksmith explained with precision all the perquisites of her new armor; it was simple and beautiful and magnificent. The breastplate was made out of obsidian, it was well polished and shiny. The most resistant leather Tessa had ever seen was the material of the gauntlets, and the same metal as the breastplate would protect her legs. The tunic his apprentices made for her to wear underneath the armor was from a tough fabric, painted in her favorite neutral colors: dark blue, with details in black and white. Tessa got so excited she began to take off her cloak so she could try on the armor right there, at that exact moment. Harritt helped her to put it on, letting the breastplate rest on her slender shoulders. She put on the greaves gauntlets as they fasten the buckles and tied the laces, making sure it fitted her perfectly. She was still getting used to the extra weight and balance of the armor when Harritt grabbed the staff to show her. They had worked on it together; it was their combined effort that assembled it. She made the material studies, confident about the properties she wanted her new staff to have, while Harritt made the magic happen – so to speak. She grasped it in her hand, experimenting the balance, feeling her power concentrate effortlessly.

“It’s perfect”, she told him, still admiring his great work. She had one of those feelings when there is someone watching, and she turned to see Cullen staring at her from far, but he soon looked away and returned to his duties. Tessa got off the armor, and hugged Harritt vigorously, thanking him for all his care.

She took a few steps and was already at the ‘stables’, which were beside Harritt’s forge. The stables were actually just a pathetic corral, with a few workhorses. The horse assigned for Tessa was a chestnut stallion, strong and just too big for her, with a red mane. _Is that why they chose him for me?_ , she thought to herself, laughing alone. She stepped inside the fences, grabbed the reins, the saddle and a thick cloth, and walked towards the horse. “You’re not going to bite me, are you?” She asked him, carefully approaching to caress his neck, watching him closely to see if he would allow her. Thankfully he did, as she thought the last thing she needed was a horse bite. She put the reins on him and guided him out the fences, struggling with the saddle under her arm and the cloth she was holding.

“Can’t you summon a cart to carry those?” Tessa heard Varric’s spirited voice behind her, making her smile at the sight of him.

“Unfortunately, no.” She answered, while he took the saddle from her and threw it over his shoulder to carry it. “Excited?”

“To fight demons again, and mages and templars and bandits? Of course.” He replied sarcastically, complaining. Varric was _always_ complaining, but she found it hilarious.

“Don’t forget the Chantry sister”, she reminded him. He snorted in disgust, shaking his head with disapproval. She smiled wryly while they strolled to the open field nearby.

“Herald kid, I’m afraid I can’t help you any longer”, he said putting down the saddle, “the Maker didn’t favor me with your heights.”

She knew he was mocking her, because the height difference between them was not significant. Tessa was shorter than most people of her age. In fact, she was shorter than most people, _period_. She suspected that if one day she had nephews or nieces, they would certainly be taller than her before they reach adulthood. Her brothers were much taller her when she last saw them, and they reminded her of that fact in very opportunity.

She thanked the dwarf for his help, and gently placed the thick cloth on the horse’s back. By the time it was on the precise part of his body, she bent down to take the saddle and started to do it careful so she wouldn’t hurt him. Tessa had to raise to the tip of her toes and push the saddle a bit so the stirrup went by the animal’s back; she adjusted it before she crouched to fasten the binds around his belly.

“I was just about to offer assistance”, she heard Cullen’s grave-toned voice from somewhere behind her, much more vibrant than the night before, “but I see you don’t need it.” Tessa turned her head to look over her shoulder, but she had to twist her body completely to see him leaning against a wooden stake a little far from where she was. “You know, I’ve never seen a noble lady saddling her own horse before.”

“I guess there’s a first time for everything, doesn’t it?” She teased, finding Cullen’s statement funny. Nobles did not usually saddle their horses, but during her escape from the Circle, learning it became inevitable and a matter of survival. In times of need, she even rode horses without reins and saddle, but it was still too difficult and she would just seem arrogant and a show-off.

“Do you need help with anything, Herald?”

She made sure the saddle was steady and secure, and supporting one of her small feet in the stirrup, she boosted herself up and mounted on the horse’s back.

“I don’t think so, Commander”, she said gazing at him. Then she smiled, looking down to the animal beneath her, “We are just getting to know each other.”

She spent her training thinking about how wrong she was about Cullen, for he had been cordial and pleasant to her. Tessa imagined if he was naturally like that, once you get to talk to him a bit further.

Many hours later, back in her cottage, she was sealing the letter with a red wax Josephine gave her. Tessa rose from her padded chair, and opened the window just enough to see if the night had already fallen on Haven. She had spent the entire afternoon inside her cozy hut, after meeting with the war council, studying her newly acquired tomes and old journals. She shoved the letter into one of her inside pockets, and head out to the ravens Leliana maintained.

As soon as she arrived, she took the letter out, rolled it tightly and secured it in the raven’s claw, while she could see the scars on her hands and the green mark glowing slightly. She sighed and looked away, feeling her stomach clench by the memory. She dispatched the raven and leaned over her arm on the wall near her as she watched the bird fly away. Low and soft steps were behind her, and she knew it was sister Leliana.

“Is everything alright?” She heard the Spymaster’s smooth voice ask, without quite getting her tone. It seemed indifference, but she wasn’t sure. Tessa confirmed with a rigid nod, still looking at the bird. “With your family?”

“Yes”, she responded, crossing her arms in front of her chest, posing seriousness.

“Should we worry?”

“No”, she turned to look at the other woman, leaning her back against the wall, “Mother is just barks and growls, never bites. I am sending word to my father and brother, letting them know about what happened.”

“Good”, Leliana said with a slight smile in the corner of her lips, “Don’t take long here, Herald, the supper will be served soon.”

Tessa nodded, following Leliana not long afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my fellow Brazilian friends, the original work is being posted (slower) in this link right here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6659362/chapters/15440461  
> Check it out if you're interested :D
> 
> Good week :*


	6. The haze and the release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [NSFW]  
> Things in Haven are quiet under daylight, but become somewhat tangled at night for the Commander.  
> The Herald has left to the Hinterlands, and everything seem to go smooth for her. She remembers her promise, and get teased about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)  
> So this one is a bit saucy (as saucy as it can be, story-wise). I will put small warnings in the summary to let you know if the later chapters are NSFW.  
> I hope you enjoy! :D

It had been almost a month since the Herald and her party left Haven to the Hinterlands. Cassandra sent a letter as soon as they arrived, informing that the situation there was worse that they had anticipated: Templars and Mages hunting each other, demons spilling out from the rifts, maddened wild animals, bandits stealing and slaying innocents, refugees suffering from hunger and cold with no support except for a hand full of soldiers. The Seeker communicated in the next letter, a few days later, that Tessa had been running throughout the Hinterlands, seeking to aid in any way she could. She hunted rams for the meat and the pelt, led the group through the attack on the Mages’ and Templars’ camps, giving all the spoils to the refugees. They met with the Revered Mother Giselle, which had called for Tessa. Their conversation went smoothly, and the cleric try to help the most, sharing her knowledge of the Chantry. In addition, they went to Master Dennet’s farm to discuss about his animals, with no success at first; however, Tessa convinced him to give them his conditions to persuade him to follow the Inquisition. Because of her title as the Herald of Andraste, he gifted her a magnificent female, thoroughbred and impeccably white, agile, of good temper, and strong as a druffalo. The very first war-horse of the Inquisition. In another letter, Cassandra mentioned they were dedicated to seal as many rifts as they could before their return to Haven, but still there would be many more to go. The rift near Dennet’s farm was tricky, there were too many demons coming out of it and only the four of them wouldn’t be able to close it; they needed reinforcements.

The advisors agreed that the Herald’s journey through the Hinterlands was being successful so far, as they believed Tessa and her companions would be able to make the Inquisition as trustworthy as possible to the people, making them come on board on their boat. There was already a small queue of people in Haven wanting to be a part of the Inquisition, all of them from the Hinterlands or near arlings, and all of them heard about the Herald’s effort to provide some kind of help. Many wanted to be a member of the Inquisition, and many were refugees strong enough to make it through the trip from the Hinterlands to Haven.

Since he slept in Tessa’s cottage, Cullen wasn’t capable of sleeping an entire night. His neck and his back were aching – it was a bloody chair – but he did rest at last. He was often visiting Adan, the apothecary, requesting him potions for his headaches, his backaches, and his lack of sleep. For three days in a row, he slept under the potions effect.

“My stock is running out thanks to you, Commander”, the apothecary told him once, when Cullen asked him for a headache potion and a sleeping potion. He thanked the man, apologized and left feeling somewhat awkward and ashamed.

Rylen believed it was lack of sex. When he said that, Cullen chocked on the water he was drinking and spluttered, nervously trying not to look this gawky and definitely turning red.

“You can’t possibly live only with your hand, can you, friend?” He pronounced, enjoying the reaction and slapping his knee. “I told about that brothel, right? Will you keep refusing to go? You need it. Seriously.”

“Rylen, that is…” Cullen began.

“…‘extremely inappropriate, I am the Commander of the Inquisition, blablabla.’” Rylen mimicked him the best he could, annoying him enough so he clenched his jaws and hands. His voice didn’t sound like that at all.

But then again. It had been a long time since he had sex – many years, in fact; so many he lost count –, his head was exploding in pain almost every evening, and he was about to give Adan a nervous breakdown. Rylen slept like a baby, he  _never_  had any headaches, and he was an assiduous client of the brothel. Of course, he wasn’t dealing with lyrium withdrawal. However, where was the harm of Cullen going there to try assuaging his troubles?

Cullen rose from his bed, and put on his cloak, “All right.”

“What?”

“Let’s go, Rylen.”

“Go where?” He knew Rylen was holding on to last of his strength not to smile openly and he knew Rylen would make him talk eventually.

“To the brothel.”

His best friend jumped out of bed, now letting his smile grow in his face with the joy of a child getting a present in Satinalia, and he quickly put on his mantle.

Cullen regretted it at the moment they stepped in the brothel. All the eyes there were anchored at them.  _Every single one of them_. The drunks, the prostitutes (women and men) and the bar attendants. He could feel fingers touching every inch of his body, followed by giggles and words as “gorgeous”, “strong”, “serious”, “delicious”, among others. He glanced at Rylen cursing him, and his friend just chuckled and drove him to the bar. They started drinking and talking as Cullen tried to endure the increasing harassment from what he imagined being every employee of the place, trailed by the developing pain behind his eyes. A woman, in her mid-thirties with raven and short hair, who strangely looked a lot like Cassandra, approached Rylen, and he could minimally hear their conversation.

“Who’s your friend, Rylen?” She asked leaning on Rylen and brushing her breasts against the man’s arm.

“This”, he started with a broad smile, clearly having more fun than he should, “is the Commander of the Inquisition, Ser Cullen Rutherford.”

 _Maker_ …

“Oh!” The woman gasped, arching her eyebrows in a mix of surprise, interest and excitement, “Will he be joining us tonight?”

“Haha, Maker’s balls, no.” He laughed and leaned over the woman’s ear, whispering to her.

“Don’t worry, love. I know exactly who to call.” She said, pulling Rylen by the hand and dragging him through the room. The man casted him one final look of amusement and disappeared in the crowd.

 _Of course he would leave me alone here. Bastard_. Cullen thought to himself that he must not forget to give Rylen a toilsome job in the morning. Cleaning the latrines, perhaps.

He drank two more tankards of ale before he paid the bar attendant. He started rising from the small bench, straightening his cloak, when he heard a soft woman’s voice coming from behind him.

“Are you leaving?”

He looked over his shoulder and saw a young woman, redheaded and with grey eyes.  _Shit, Rylen, Maker take you_. Then he knew Rylen asked the Cassandra-like woman a girl similar to Tessa. Only she wasn’t  _anything_  like Tessa. Her hair was mussed, short and was of a different tone of red; her eyes were a lot clearer and had no joy in them; she was too thin and too tall, and she had crooked teeth – even with a pretty smile. And he had _no_  desire of bedding her.

“Yes”, he said leaving the bench and looking away.

“I know I’m not your Herald, but I’m sure we would have a great time together”, she spoke behind him, grabbing his arm gently, “I heard you need to loosen up a bit.”

 _Damn, shit, fuck. Couldn’t you give them any more details, Rylen?_  He sighed.  _This was a terrible idea._

“Forgive me”, he said to the woman, “I really must leave.”

She smiled and brushed her fingers through her hair, “Alright, Commander. In case you change your mind…” She leaned forward and grabbed his cock tightly and unceremoniously, winking with a mischievous smile, “…I’ll be here.”

He freed himself from her grasp clumsily, losing his balance and almost falling, to run back to the camp like the foolish coward he was. _I don’t know what I was thinking,_  he sighed feeling like a green chantry boy.

Reaching his empty chambers, he closed the door with the consummating fury that grew within him during his walk back from the brothel. He then was sure that at least half of the camp were awaken by the sound of the slamming door.

He threw himself to his bed and immediately thought of Tessa. Her coppery hair, her dense blue eyes, her freckles, her fleshy pink lips. Her waist. The scars he saw and the ones he imagined. The body he fantasied. Her breasts. Her arse. Her cunt.

He soon got hard as rock and felt his hand tracing down his body to his length over his breeches. His touch almost made his cock ache, stuck inside that cloth prison, throbbing in need. He slid his hands to the laces that kept his trousers up around his waist and loosened them to take out his length. Cullen was experienced at it, he knew how to pleasure himself quickly, and had a creative mind, which would only grow his arousal.

He shut his eyes closed, and saw her in front of him, her pale skin revealed in her nudity – just as he imagined her to be. He imagined what it would feel like the contrast between his rough and calloused hands on her soft skin. He imagined what it would feel like to skim his hands on her nude breasts, how it would feel to touch them and suckle them. He imagined what the taste of her would feel like, the sensation of her warm, wet cunt in his lips and tongue. Would she be salty or bitter? Or even sweet? What would the scent of her be like?

He pictured her in his lap, sinking down on him, around him, clenching and moaning. His hand was mimicking the movement he saw her making on top of him, letting his ears flood with the noises of pleasure she would make. He would let her mount on him and ride him before he take her the way he intended. He wanted all of her, he wanted to trap her between his body and the floor and fuck her all night long. While the fanciful images of them swamped his mind, he pumped himself in the rhythm of his thrusts into her, hard and fast.

Cullen spilled himself not long after, with images of Tessa inundating his mind and locking his vision and his best judgment in a haze.

* * *

The trip was too long and too tiring, and Tessa knew it would be nothing compared to what was expecting her in Val Royeaux, if she took everything Mother Giselle told her in consideration – and she did. With luck, the Trevelyan family was devout enough so she would have some respect there.  _I hope so. Andraste preserve me_. Varric was trying to calm her down, saying she could use her charm to soothe the clerics, while Solas reminded the amount of good she did in the Hinterlands, stating they couldn’t simply ignore it. Cassandra said little about the situation, and between her three companions,  _she_  was the Right Hand of the Divine Justinia, she knew more about the Chantry than the other two combined, and her quietness made Tessa uneasy.

After dealing with the battle between Mages and Templars in the surroundings, sealing as many rifts as they could manage, and slaying the wolves that were causing trouble to Dennet’s workers – and finding out it was a demon triggering the strange behavior –, Tessa and the others returned to tell him they took care of everything, hoping he would now pledge himself to the Inquisition, only to hear one more request. He wanted watchtowers to eye the bandits and protect his people. It was a reasonable request, one Tessa would gladly grant. The biggest obstacle was that they had to return to Haven and ask for reinforcements, working hands and materials to make it become reality. Cassandra sent a letter letting Haven know they would be returning in the following morning.

Before retrieving to camp, Tessa invited her companions to harvest some herbs for their journey and maybe take some back to Haven; they all refused and she didn’t insist. She mounted the beautiful mare Dennet gave her, which she named her Silver, and rode, harvesting some elfroot, embrium and blood lotus, all in great amount, and some royal elfroot. Then it struck her.

As much as she tried, she couldn’t find Cullen’s chessboard  _anywhere_  in Haven, until she simply gave up, thinking he lost it before he joined the Inquisition. Tessa remembered an antique vendor near Redcliffe Village, in maybe 20 minutes riding and decided in a heartbeat to go there. She asked the man if he had chessboards, and he showed her two. The first was made out of wood, very simple and worn out, with paint peeling from the pawns, too tiny for the size of the board; the other one was bit smaller and was made out of a common ivory in the Free Marches, but rare in Ferelden, with pawns perfectly carven and in an adequate size. She sighed when she heard the price.  _Well, I guess it’s more expansive here than in Ostwick_. She paid and took the ivory board with her back to camp.

It was night when she arrived, and she saw Cassandra rubbing a whetstone through her blade while chatting idly with Varric – that was cleaning his crossbow Bianca –, Solas more sociable than usual, and scout Lace Harding. They were laughing at something the dwarven woman had said, and Tessa could understand why, for she was a funny and spontaneous person, even when she tried not to be. Tessa lost count on how many times she chuckled at the scout’s digressions during her reports about the region.

“Good evening”, she greeted them as she drove herself to her pack to safely keep the board and to the basket to keep the herbs.

“What you got there?” Varric asked in his typical wry tone.

“What a gossip.” She gasped, putting the herbs on the basket while looking over her shoulder.

“Oh, come on”, he insisted, “tell us.”

“It’s nothing worth noting, Varric.” She said seating with them as she bit an apple. “It’s just a chessboard.”

“I didn’t know you played chess”, Solas declared, “Perhaps we could play sometime?”

“I would love to, but it’s not mine. It’s a gift.”

 _Oh, crap, I said too much_.

“Oooh,  _a gift_?” Varric’s eyes were wide of delight with her statement. “Who is it for? No, wait. Don’t tell me. Let me guess. I have one chance.”

“One chance?” She giggled, “I don’t think you…”

“It’s for our dearest Commander”, Varric interrupted, with a cocky smirk on his face, “Am I right?”

“How did you…?”

“Please, Tessa!” He chuckled satisfied as she heard Cassandra snorting her disapproval, “Even Chuckles notice the way you two glance at each other. And he spends most of his time in the Fade.”

Tessa stared at Solas, who, for the first time, was struggling not to burst in laughter. He confirmed with his head, and then she frowned to Cassandra, seeking help. The look she gave Tessa was one of pure “it’s true, we all saw it”. She was defeated, red in shyness and sighed.

“Oh, my!” Harding panted joyful, “A love story in the Inquisition? Maker, Haha!” She was all too delighted by it, and Tessa thought she needed something to trigger her imagination, as she appeared to get bored easily.

“Look, I don’t think it comes to that yet.” Varric considered, ironic as ever, “Maybe it’s just a lust and physical story.” Cassandra sniffed, and Tessa wasn’t sure if the noise she made was from disapproval again or an attempt to hide a giggle. Varric turned to her: “Unless you haven’t done anything yet. Have you?”

“No!” She gasped perhaps too quickly and too loudly, and she was  _sure_  she had never been more coral in her entire life as everyone around the fire spurt a noisy laughter. “Maker’s breath, I was only doing him a favor.”

“Yes, right.” Solas cleared his throat as he was too teasing her.  _Oh, Maker, even Solas_.

“I am going to bed, since I’ve been beaten enough for one night to your amusement.” She said rising to her feet and entering her tent to prepare to sleep.

She woke up with her breath slow and heavy. She could feel her face burn and her heart bounce inside her chest. Her toes were aching, and she noticed she had been pressing them just moments before. She realized she was wet and warm between her thighs, and she loosed her pants just enough to slide her hand inside. She was wetter than she expected.

She closed her eyes, recalling her dream. His rough hands – as she thought they would be – on her, rubbing, squeezing. His heavy and hot breath against her skin, her breasts, while he suckled them. His fingers flowing between her breasts, sliding down her abdomen, laying in the middle of her legs. He introduced two delicately inside her, back and forth, careful and patient, slowly and deliberately. She moaned, and he swallowed the noise with a long, hungry kiss while increasing the pace as he pressed his thumb against her clit, and she could feel his muscles clenching in pleasure. His lips separated from hers only to meet her  _other_  lips, and one lick was all it took for her to come, but he didn’t stop. He was savoring her, the taste of her fluid while still masturbating her. She grasped his curls, arching her back and screaming in delight. He separated once more, this time to penetrate her, slow and deep until she took all of him, trapping her between his body and whatever surface she was lying. He was smiling, watching her jerk as he was inside her.

Tessa sighed and buried her face in her hands, scratching her forehead after. She looked over her side and saw Cassandra sleeping noisily in the bedroll. Varric and Solas were resting in another tent, while some scouts where keeping watch of the camp. Since they arrived at the Hinterlands (and now leaving), she couldn’t take her mind off the Commander, and that dream was the confirmation of her rising crave for him. And apparently everyone knew.

She glanced at Cassandra once more to make sure she was still sleeping, and hoped she would stay that way that night, rolling over her shoulder turning her back to the Seeker, sliding under the blankets. Her fingers ghosted inside her pants and she started touching herself, still thinking of Cullen. The scar on his upper lip against hers, his golden skin rubbing hers, imagining how he would feel like in his most intimate places. How the texture of his cock would feel against her tongue, and what would his come taste like. Her fingers were coming and going, deeper and faster, dancing inside her and playing with her clitoris. The sensation made her bit her lower lip to prevent herself from groaning his name when her climax hit her.

She slept with a relaxed smiled on her lips, knowing that the trip that waited for her the next day would be bearable.


	7. A dangerous line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Herald and her companions return to Haven, it's time to plan the Inquisition's next move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one has a lot of game dialogue, but I took the liberty to make a few changes in the order of events not to look ~exactly~ like Bioware's storyline.
> 
> Also, crying Tessa for you. Brace yourselves, she is a bit of a crybaby.

Tessa and her companions were about to arrive at Haven in any moment. Cullen, Leliana and Josephine worked tirelessly after the success of the Herald on her first mission, and they were rather proud of her, proud of her accomplishment in getting influence for the Inquisition during her quest in the Hinterlands. New recruits, deals, information and donated supplies were pouring thanks to her, but they knew none of that would be useful if the Chantry kept its denouncement towards the newborn organization. That would certainly retain other opportunities at bay. Chancellor Roderick surely was not making anything easy for them, remaining there insistently to openly imprecate the Herald’s best efforts and to sabotage any of the Inquisition’s attempts of seeking alliances.

The Trevelyan family itself kept its distance so they would not be considered enemies of the Chantry. Lord Bann, Tessa’s father, sent them a letter of apology regarding his wife mess to take their daughter back to Ostwick, adding they would have to dissociate themselves from the Inquisition for some time, for he was being threatened with an embargo that, eventually, would cause his family to collapse. Their gold, power and influence would crumble after centuries of meticulous cultivation.

It was middle in the afternoon when the Herald’s entourage arrived. Cullen did not see her at first, nor Cassandra, Varric and Solas, as they were a little behind the few scouts ahead. The Commander didn’t know if he should be standing there, waiting, and he started to feel a little uncomfortable, thinking his actions were of a boy. Since his small adventure at the brothel – then at his cottage – he was wary in trying to avoid any thought of Tessa, but, of course, it was impossible for she was the Herald of Andraste and news of her came every day at any moment. Still, he would try. He trained his recruits, he practiced, he read reports, checked on the armors and weapons… did anything and everything to keep her away from his mind.

But then she was there, riding her white mare, beautiful with her red hair pulled up in a loose ponytail, some stray tendrils on her face, some over her shoulder, laughing at something Varric said on his pony. She was the most welcome sight of the world. All of his attempts on keeping her out of his head faded, as he thought how beautiful she was. Seeing her like that, so pure and magnificent on her majestic mount made him feel guilty about the need that ran in his veins and lurked in every part of his body. He could _feel_ how much he wanted her, how much he craved for her.

Cullen stood there, at the top of the camp, just admiring her as she unhorsed and petted the mare. A squire took the reins and drove the animal to the stables after Tessa gave her a carrot. He could hold a smile at such care.

“Someone has a surprise for you, Curly.” Varric was smirking, as he was unpacking.

“What are you talking about, dwarf?”

“Oh, nothing.” He said with a wry smile.

“Say it.” Varric’s games and nicknames irritated him.

“And miss your reaction? Never!” Varric laughed, “Did you greet our esteemed Herald?”

“No”, he answered eager to know exactly where the dwarf was going, even if he had suspicions, “Should I?”

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing”, he shrugged, “But, you know, whatever.”

Cullen preferred not to talk to her immediately, but when he realized she was looking at him, he nodded stiffly with a clumsy smile. He spent the rest of the afternoon wondering what could Varric possibly mean by that, and that maybe the dwarf noticed how much he searched for the Herald or the way he was staring at her. _Maker’s breath, if he noticed_ …

He joined Leliana and Josephine in the war room after the supper, and waited for Cassandra and Tessa to meet them there, as they needed proper rest after their journey. Cassandra arrived first, with the good Chancellor on her heels, complaining and annoying everyone present. Even Leliana, always so calm – or how she tried to appear for them –, was hanging on her last shred of patience.

“Have you gone completely mad?” He was shouting at Cassandra, “She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately, to be tried by whomever becomes Divine!”

“I do not believe she is guilty”, amazingly, the Seeker was the calmest person in the room, not glancing even once to the Chancellor, appearing more interested in playing with some of the pawns displayed around the map. Cullen did not know if he should say anything, so he remained silenced and thought it would be best if Cassandra handled Roderick – if he tried to speak, his talk would be followed by a punch in the Chancellor’s face.

“The prisoner failed, Seeker.” He continued in a tone of mockery, “The Breach is still in the sky. For all you know, she intended it this way.”

“I do not believe that.” She was now rough and harsh.

“That is not for you to decide. Your duty is to serve the Chantry.”

“My duty is to serve the principles on which the Chantry was founded, Chancellor. As is yours.” Cullen perceived Josephine trying her best not to laugh.

The door slammed open with a loud noise to announce the Herald’s arrival at the war room. She was serene, her hair loose and washed, darker than usual. Her eyes sparkled when they met his, and he could feel the flush growing up in his neck.

“Chain her. I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial.” He heard the Chancellor commands the two soldiers posted at each side of the door.

“Disregard that, and leave us.” Cassandra said without taking her eyes off the map, with Leliana by her side. The soldiers obeyed with no hesitation.

“You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.” The Chancellor said with a warning tone to his voice.

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it.”

“I did what I could to close the Breach.” Tessa stated with a soft tone to her voice, contradicting the expression on her face. “It nearly killed me.”

“Yet you live.” The Chancellor turned his attention to her, blaming her with his eyes. “A convenient result, insofar as you’re concerned.”

“What else do you want, _Chancellor_?” Cullen heard Tessa’s tone shift drastically, she was upset and exasperated. That could be rather interesting, seeing that petite gleeful mage angered with someone was the first. Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine also turned to watch the show. “I tried to close the Breach, and almost died twice or thrice because of it. I went to the Hinterlands with Cassandra, Varric, Solas and a hand full of soldiers while you remained here, comfortably hidden and with no balls to do anything. I am not a hunter, but I hunted. I hunted rams, I hunted bandits, mages, templars, healing herbs, while you remained here, too coward to act. I did all that to provide a small safety and comfort to the real victims of this, while the Chantry persists in shock and grieving over the Divine. And yes, what happened was a tragedy, but tell me why you are dwelling on it, prolonging it, doing _nothing_ on this shit? Please tell me why you’re brothers and sisters denounced the Inquisition while _we_ are the only ones who are _actually_ doing something to help, seeking out solutions and trying to restore order?” Tessa stared at him intensively, next to him, defying him to answer. Facing the silence and the shame on the Chancellor’s expression, she took a step back, “That’s what I thought.”

Chancellor Roderick clearly did not know what to do after the lecture, realizing that the only dignified thing to do was simply leave. Upon hearing the closing door, Tessa let out the breath she was holding, leaning on the table by her gloved right hand while the left was clenched tightly.

“Another success from the Herald”, Josephine said between giggles, “Someone needed to do that. Hopefully he will learn.”

“Does that trouble you?” Cassandra pointed to Tessa’s left hand, with her mark hidden inside the glove. She relaxed and looked at it.

“Not really.” Nodding, both women returned to the table.

“What’s important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed… provided the mark has more power.”

“Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help”, Leliana said. _That again_ … Since Cassandra’s letter arrived telling Solas’ idea, the three of them spent most of their time arguing about what course of action they should take.

“And I still disagree.” He made himself speak, breaking out of silence, “The Templars could serve just as well.”

Cassandra sighed, “We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark –”

“Might destroy us all”, he interrupted, exasperated. “Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it –”

“Pure speculation.” It was Leliana’s turn to interrupt, her hands crossed behind her body.

“I was a Templar. I know what they’re capable of.” He said in a low whisper, realizing Tessa was watching him closely.

“Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet”, Josephine announced, maybe noticing the rising tension in the room, “I should remind us the Chantry has denounced the Inquisition, and that the Herald frighten them for being a mage. That limits our options. Approaching the mages or the templars is currently out of the question until we settle our situation with the Chantry.”

“Alright.” Tessa said, looking into the map, “You received my report about the Hinterlands and my little chat with Mother Giselle. I believe this is the best time to accost the Chantry and head to Val Royeaux, before out dear Chancellor undermine us even more.”

“Are you sure, Lady Trevelyan?” Josephine asked her.

“Yes, just…” Cullen saw her expression shift once more as she was unable to finish her sentence, with her eyes posted on the pile of books Josephine kept in the corner of the table. He furrowed, confused.

“Is everything alright?” She glanced at him quickly, turning her beautiful blue eyes back to the books.

“Yes, but – hm… there’s a spider there” She pointed out shyly and nervously at the top of the books. Cullen and the other three women looked at each other, finding that humorous. _She has been facing danger on a daily basis now, and she’s afraid of spiders. How adorable_. He stretched out his gloved hand and smashed the poor spider, taking a cloth he kept in his pocket out and cleaning his glove. “Thank you”, she said as red as her hair, making him hide the grin on his face, much like the three other women. “I thought of going to Val Royeaux while the watchtowers at Dennet’s farm are built. There’s no reason to waste our time.”

“You are right.” Cassandra observed, “When you are ready, we’ll leave.”

“Wait”, he snapped, now realizing what they were suggesting, “Sending the Herald to Val Royeaux?”

“Having the Herald address the clerics is not a terrible idea”, Josephine said shifting the weight of her body from one leg to the other, clipboard at hand.

“You can’t be serious.” _Unbelievable_.

“Mother Giselle isn’t wrong: at the moment, the Chantry’s only strength is that they’re united in opinion.” He sighed and scratched the back of his head through his hair, pacing impatiently.

“And we should ignore the danger to the Herald?” Leliana asked sarcastically. _Finally a reasonable person around here_.

“We should ask her.” Josephine suggested.

“I’m not worried, it’s just talk. What can they possibly do?” Tessa said, shrugging. _Maker, doesn’t she have a shred of senses?_

“You shouldn’t underestimate the power of their words. A rabble can be as deadly as a dagger.”

_Thank you, Leliana_.

“I can take care of myself”, she insisted.

“And I will go with her.” Cassandra decided, and turned to the Nightingale: “Mother Giselle said she could provide us names? Use them.”

“But why? This is nothing but a –”

“What choice do we have, Leliana? Right now we can’t approach anyone for help with the Breach.” Cassandra looked at him and Josephine: “Use what influence we have to call the clerics together. Once they are ready, we will see this through.”

* * *

Tessa felt the palm of her left hand scratch. _This damned scar_. She rubbed her fingers against it over the glove discretely as everyone were leaving the war room. She decided to stay a little longer to evaluate all that was discussed.

“Is everything alright?” She heard Cullen’s rough and velvet voice with a shade of concern in it, “With the mark?”

“Oh.” She observed him with her lips slightly parted, “Yes, yes. It’s just… habit, you know.”

“Of scratching your hand?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. She didn’t respond, instead, she smiled shyly when he chuckled, “Alright. Want some company?”

“No, thank you. You should rest, Commander.”

“So do you. Don’t take too long there, you’ve just returned and will be leaving again soon. You need your rest.”

She nodded and wished him a good evening, while Cullen stepped out and closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Tessa turned to the table and sighed. She was pleased to be back at Haven, to be able to rest and let her guard down for a moment, to keep acting like an adolescent, secretly and ridiculously admiring Cullen. But none of that mattered. _Everything resumes on calming down the Chantry, and picking between mages or templars_. She sighed again and started pacing, thinking about the arguments to recruit either group, and they were all plausible. However, she couldn’t quite find the peace of mind to seek out the templars’ help. They have taken everything from her.

She was very aware her brothers were templars, as the majority of the Trevelyan men, but they were her family, and they would never harm her, unlike all others, who wanted to kill her just because she was a mage. She remembered Cullen, with all his attention for her, and felt a little guilty for thinking of him that way. But he had left the Order and wasn’t a templar anymore. Right?

She stared at her gloved hands and pressed her eyelids closed, immerse in concern, sadness, angst, among other feelings she wouldn’t know how to begin to describe. She was nervous, anxious, her heart was pulsing hard inside her chest. She was afraid of what could happen. So much depended on her success, on the way she would talk or look at the clerics, on how she would approach mages or templars. It was a burden she never asked for and that was too heavy for her to bear. The Circle didn’t prepare her for any of this – nor did her family. In the Circle, all she heard from the senior enchanters was that she was extremely talented, skilled and a fast learner; that she would be a great mage, and could perhaps become First Enchanter when she reached the proper age. They never prepared her for the dangers of the world outside – and inside – the Circle. But the templars, they wanted her to know about the dangers.

She showed them instead. The brilliant theoretical student, skilled in practice only at the exercises under their supervision. Tessa showed them what she was capable of when they tried to murder Lydia. Her mentor was like a mother to her, warm and nurturing, harsh and severe. Lydia blessed her relationship with Myles, and was about to help them to get married in secret – which now Tessa knew was a childish thing to do; she could never have a family being a mage. But her fiancé perished in the hands of a templar who didn’t wait long enough for him to return from the Fade during his Harrowing. And Lydia was there for her, offering her comfort and her shoulder for Tessa to cry on.

That was so long ago… _Four, maybe five years?_ She couldn’t remember. She sat in a corner, leaning against the rocky wall, and cried out of guilt. She hadn’t thought about Myles in a long time. She sobbed when her thoughts led her to Cullen once more, a former templar, while she was obliging herself to think of her deceased fiancé, killed by a templar. She didn’t know what was happening to her, she didn’t know what to feel or think, while Cullen and Myles danced around the corners of her mind. She buried her face between her knees and cried and cried.

After what felt like hours and her eyes were going to fall out of the orbits, Tessa stood up and wiped her tears away. She certainly wouldn’t have the meanings to disguise her red and swollen face, and wasn’t in the mood for answering the questions people would make. So she waited and grabbed a shiny tankard to see her reflection, trying to keep her head clear. She needed to be neutral and objective, for the sake of the Inquisition and Thedas. She needed her mind sharp as knives, since she was obligated to choose between the two battling factions. After making sure her face was back to its usual condition, she pulled herself together.

She held her head up high, and left the war room, without looking away from the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, by the way, Roderick is kind of a jerk.
> 
> Aaaand pleeeease keep the comments coming! I love those :3
> 
> *cartoon narrator mode on*  
> Stay tunned for the next chapters, and that's all, folks!  
> *cartoon narrator mode off*


	8. The wrap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa is overwhelmed by her insecurities, and finds solace in a newly formed and improbable friendship. A night conversation takes place.

Tessa was staring at the chessboard on her bed. A small sting of regret ran through her veins as she watched the object, especially after what happened at the war room the night before. When she got to her cottage, she drank three mugs of her sleeping-tea and slept until it was midday. She did not cry anymore, she simply hated how weak doing so made her feel. Thinking about the past made her vulnerable. She was already dressed for the day, but had not yet left the cottage – not even to eat. Some people knocked on her door, but she did not answer any of them. There was a knock at that moment, insistent and continuous, when she heard Cassandra’s voice from the other side of the door, asking if there was something wrong and if she could come in. Tessa confirmed, but did not look to the other woman as she was stepping inside.

“Is something the matter, Herald?” The Seeker seemed apprehensive, unaware of what was happening. Tessa indicated the other end of her bed for her to sit, leaving them face to face, and Cassandra did so a bit confused and suspicious.

“We’ve known each other for nearly two months now, haven’t we, Cassandra?” Tessa heard her own voice, still looking at the chessboard.

“Y–yes. I believe that is correct. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I find myself caring deeply about you, Varric and Solas. I confess that I was not expecting this to happen with you, due to our rather… hm, antagonistic positions at first. But you are becoming a dear friend to me.”

“Oh” Cassandra was clearly surprised, “I, I feel the same, Herald.”

“Please, you don’t have to call me ‘Herald’ all the time”, Tessa chuckled, finally setting her gaze on the Seeker, “Anyway. These last two months have been very difficult for me. I am away from my family for far too long, and what kept me sane and grounded is gone. I found myself friendless and unsupported, alone and unprotected between strangers. But then…” She cleared her throat, “I just want to say that all of you have been making things easier and softer for me. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank us, Tessa”, Cassandra spoke in a reassuring tone.

“I do”, Tessa said firmly, smiling weakly. “You had no obligation of keeping me in the Inquisition, you could have had given me to the Chantry, and yet you didn’t. I want to believe it was not _just_ because of the mark.”

“It was not, trust me.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Tessa sighed, and pulled her hair up in a bun, “I don’t know if you know this, maybe Leliana and Josephine do, but I was betrothed for a time.”

“You– ah…” Cassandra had no reaction other than letting her lips part a little, “No, I did not know, and I don’t know if they do either, they never mentioned anything of the sort.”

“Then I guess we were successful in keeping it a secret”, she laughed melancholically, “He was the only man I have ever been with. He was kind, gentle, thoughtful, smart. Very handsome. Tall and with dark, olive skin.”

“What happened to him?”

“He– Myles died in the Circle.”

They stood for a moment in silence, and it seemed to Tessa that Cassandra was absorbing those entrusted secrets.

“I am sorry for your loss. Truly”, the Seeker said gently, and after Tessa thanked her, she asked, “Was he a mage as well?”

“Yes. We were both apprentices, and we were going to elope after our Harrowings, but… he never returned from the Fade. A templar killed him.”

“That’s terrible…” Cassandra’s eyes went wide so softly it was barely visible, as she started to understand the meaning of this conversation. “You have doubts about whose help should seek?”

“Many”, she confessed sighing, rising from the bed and pacing across the room, “You and Cullen have a point. Either group can provide us the help we need, but I am a mage and…”

“You think magic will empower the Breach, is that it?”

“Yes. And it makes me feel awful. Like I am betraying my principles. To associate myself with the templars…”

“You are not, Tessa.” Cassandra rose, and took her by the shoulders, keeping her anchored. “There is an enormous responsibility upon you. You are doing something honorable when you consider every available option before making your decision for the greater good. Know that whatever you choose, I will support you.”

“Thank you”, she whispered, involving the other woman in a sisterly embrace.

Cassandra nodded, casted her a soft smile and squeezed her shoulder gently as she walked towards the door. The Seeker glanced at her over the shoulder before stepping out.

“You should give him the chessboard soon. He would be happy.”

She left after telling the Herald she needed to eat. It felt good to be able to trust someone again. Tessa left a few minutes after the Seeker, and drove herself to the main campfire, taking a piece of hardened bread and two apples, slipping them into her pockets. She walked towards the stables, and saw Silver trotting gleefully her way to her, shaking her head waiting for a caress, which Tessa did immediately with a smile on her face. She gave the mare one of the apples while stroking her neck.

Tessa tried in any possible way to avoid Cullen and the simple thought of him. Every time their eyes met, she looked away and made an effort to pay attention at something else, and that happened twice while she was brushing Silver in the stables. She was still feeling guilty for her crave for him, casting aside everything she lived with Myles, and Cullen seemed to understand she wanted distance, for he stopped looking at her after a while.

Once spent some time with her mare, Tessa walked throughout the camp, being greeted solemnly by the soldiers and refugees with their right arm crossed to their heart. A woman requested to kiss the hand marked by Andraste, an old man wanted her to cure him from his pain, a little girl that appeared to have 4 years-old at most asked for a hug. Her fame was spreading all over the villages in the Hinterlands, and that was adding numbers to the Inquisition’s forces at each passing day. _More and more people depending on me_.

She talked to Solas about the Fade and his visits there; they talked about his spirit friends, his journeys and his studies. Tessa felt good when she chatted with him about magic, letting his calmness and experience fill her soul. After that, she went to Varric simply to distract herself. She enjoyed trading stories with him, and they developed a game that consisted in a competition about the most absurd and real story. They played for a long moment, until she felt her stomach throb and her eyes water, unable to keep laughing.

She couldn’t stay at just one place, and paced around, socializing, trying to kick away that melancholia that took over her. Tessa went back to her cottage, grabbed her forgotten lute, and went to the frozen lake’s shore. She played random chords, forming a beautiful melody and cursed as she left parchment, quill and ink back in the cottage. She stood there, playing, until nightfall.

* * *

In the week following the war council about the Chantry, Cullen noticed that Tessa was taking every opportunity to avoid him and spent most of her time inside the cottage. He knocked on her door three times to set a few details on her journey to Val Royeaux – he would not dare to talk to her about anything else, for he knew something happened to upset her and he was certain that was his position about seeking the Templars –, and three times there was no response, only a soft music was emanating from inside, with voice and melody in perfect synch. Tessa was playing her lute, and he would give anything just to watch.

In one of those nights, after supper – which he skipped –, he observed her talking to Varric and Cassandra, and soon was leaving to get back to her hut. He was reading a report about the progress of the watchtowers in Dennet’s farm, and he gladly casted it aside, giving up on letting her run from him. He needed to talk to her, to apologize and explain himself. He had to jog to catch up with her, and when he did, he call out to her. She turned to him, eyes sparkling in… indifference? Surprise? He couldn’t tell.

“Herald”, he started, unsure of his choice of words, “I, uh– may I speak with you?”

“Now?”

“Hm, I– yes. If it’s not too much trouble.”

She nodded and opened the door for him, letting him enter and following after. She closed it, and offered him tea, which he politely refused. Cullen stood on his feet in the middle of the cottage, feeling awkward and uncomfortable with the situation, rubbing the back of his neck until Tessa sat on the cushioned chair, pointing at her bed for him to sit too – and he couldn’t help but notice on how different it was from before, how neatly organized It was with colorful pillows. He sat and united his hands, with his elbows on his knees. He didn’t look at her.

“I, uh– I noticed that… you’ve been distant. Avoiding me. And…” He started stutter, uncertain of what to say, looking at everywhere and everything but her. He regretted refusing the tea, he would have an excuse to stop talking, “Maker’s breath… Forgive me for my behavior at the war room the other week. I know my position is, uh… unpleasant for you, and…”

“Cullen”, she interrupted – thankfully –, touching his hands with a gentle warm, what made him lift his gaze to her, “You _really_ don’t have to worry about that. It’s nothing.”

“I do, Herald”, he insisted, embarrassed, still looking at her, not sure how he was managing it, “I don’t know what happened in the Ostwick Circle, I don’t know in what terms you are with the templars, I can only imagine. But I _saw_ the way you were during the meeting while I was speaking, you didn’t like it. I can’t and I won’t make you seek their help, even if that remains my option, but I can apologize for it if it caused you pain.”

“Why?” She asked, shaking her head lightly, confused.

“I know what templars do to mages.”

His voice came out weaker and huskier than he intended, and he feared that would condemn him as he watched Tessa’s expression shift slightly from confusion to understanding. Cullen didn’t know what that meant, if she caught some hidden significance in his phrase, and he prayed for the Maker and Andraste she didn’t. Quite frankly, he didn’t want to know.

“Again”, she said slowly after a few brief moments of silence, and he realized she was contemplating his face. He noticed her gaze getting lower to his lips and she licked hers while her eyes fixated on his scar before getting back up to his eyes, “You don’t have to worry about that. My behavior, it– it has nothing to do with your opinion, you are free to express yourself. I miss my family, that’s all.”

A wave of solace crushed his clenched and tense muscles slowly, and Cullen could finally relax. Although he was relieved he was not the reason of her sorrow, he remained concerned for her, knowing now she missed her family. _As I miss mine_.

“Are you alright?” He managed to ask.

“Fairly. It’s hard, almost nothing here reminds me of them. Only a few things.”

“You should hold on to those things, then. It may make it easier for you.”

She chuckled and scratched her forehead. “I don’t think that would be appropriated.”

“What do you mean?”

“I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It’s, uh…” Now she was the one who couldn’t stare at him as he noticed her blush. He furrowed in puzzlement and lifted an eyebrow.

“You can tell me.” He encouraged her. She sighed and began to play with her hair.

“You–”, she cleared her throat, “You are one of those things.”

“I– what now?” He was lost. Clearly lost and confused all at once. Even a bit hopeful. _Rutherford, you utter fool_.

“You served with my brother in the Ferelden Circle, right?” _Oh, that. Maker…_

“Right.” He smiled unhappily.

“Were you…?” She tried to ask, but hesitated.

“With him?” He completed her sentence, and she nodded. “Yes. Frederick fell a hero. He gave his life trying to save another.”

Tessa remained silent, breathing in and out slowly. She closed her eyes and smiled softly and beautifully.

“That is something he would do. I was in the Circle when it happened. Breaks my heart not having attended to his funeral.”

“They didn’t authorized you to go?” He asked, and she confirmed, “I’m sorry.”

She thanked him staring at him so deeply he thought he would blush. He looked away and scrubbed his hair, seeing by the corner of his eye that Tessa had stood up and was taking something out of her trunk.

“Oh, I almost forgot”, she said with her natural jolly tone, “I have something for you.”

He watched curious as she was walking back to him carrying a small wrap, but big enough so he could see once more how delicate her hands were. It looked as if it was a rectangular box, wrapped around a light yellow cloth with a red satin ribbon.

“I searched everywhere– I mean _everywhere_ ” She spoke sitting next to him on the bed, “But I couldn’t find your old chessboard anywhere. I think you may have lost it before Haven.”

“Trevelyan…” He called her name as a warning, but he failed miserably, uncertain if he should look at her or the wrap on her lap.

“Shush you”, she giggled and gave him the box, “So I took the liberty of buying you a new one.”

“You shouldn’t have…” He started nervously while taking off the yellow cloth, barely keeping it together, anxious like a child. His chin dropped when he saw it, “You _really_ shouldn’t have… Maker’s breath! Is this _ivory_? How much did it cost you?”

“It’s a secret.” She was smirking very pleased with herself, “Just promise me you won’t lose this one. I would have to cross Thedas to get another similar, and that is very exhausting.”

He smiled openly at the same time he was opening the board, seeing the perfectly sculpted pawns for the first time.

“I wouldn’t dare missing it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To keep the routine: please leave your mark here on the comments, anything. Please?


	9. After Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go well for the Herald and her party in Orlais, and discussions get heated between the advisors in Haven.  
> A situation gets out of hand in the war room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys :)  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm loving the comments you are leaving here, so pleeeease keep them coming \o/

“Are you sure?” Josephine asked with a furrowed expression.

“Yes”, Leliana answered, her hands clasped behind her body, “Things did not go well.”

One of Leliana’s agents sent word from Val Royeaux about the meeting between the Herald and the clerics of the Chantry, as well as the Templars’ shameful exhibition, especially Lord Seeker Lucius. From what the report disclosed, Lady Trevelyan was accused for the murder of Divine Justinia, and humiliated by both groups that used of sarcasm to ignite the audience of nobles gathered around the market. Yet she was able to conduct herself as solemn and graceful as possible, triggering doubt amongst some of the templars. In addition, there was a discrete conversation between her and Grand Enchanter Fiona, leader of the Mage rebellion.

“The Lord Seeker has lost his senses” Cullen said, sighing, “But there are those who believe in our cause. We may be able to approach them.”

“For that we need to discover were the Templars are stationed.” Leliana spoke softly “The reports have been very confusing and divergent.”

“All the more reason for approaching the mages.” He heard the Ambassador say, “At least we know where they are, and Grand Enchanter Fiona _has made_ an invitation.”

“For Maker’s sake, you sound like an one-string lute”, he growled angry, rubbing his forehead in annoyance.

“So do you, with that persistence on calling the Templars.” She snarled back.

“This will get us nowhere”, Leliana raised her voice, leaning on the war table.

Cullen couldn’t tell for how long he argued with them about the support they should seek, and was momentarily glad when he remembered it was not his decision. If it were, he certainly wouldn’t hear the end of it. When those two united against him, it was _impossible_ to win an argument, what made him give up eventually and step out the war room not to be callous to Leliana and Josephine.

Since Tessa left to Val Royeaux with Cassandra, Solas and Varric, Cullen caught himself thinking about her so frequently he swore he was going a little insane. He couldn’t focus for long on his work, couldn’t practice or sleep – the nightmares also grew more intense in her absence. He tried to distract himself with Rylen, playing chess on the beautiful board she gave him the night before her departure, but that was just _one more_ reminder of her. He was taking care of the chessboard with the same zeal he had for his sword. And – he would _never_ admit that to anyone, _ever_ – he had the cloth she used as a wrap inside one of his pockets, carrying it wherever he went. It smelled of honey and citric fruits, the scent he thought was hers. He was also touching himself more often than usual, and declined every offer from Rylen to go back to the brothel and actually _do_ something. The whole experience was completely embarrassing and just _wrong_.

After a week, Cullen fell asleep on the many unread reports and the ones he was writing, overwhelmed by exhaustion. He woke up startled as one of his frequent nightmares reached him. His neck and shoulders were sore, and he cursed it all mentally, seeing Rylen facing his bed and taking off his mantle. He had just returned from the brothel, that much was obvious.

“How is Cassandra?” Cullen asked his second-in-command, his voice hoarse with sleepiness and with a jot of giggle in it.

“Cass– what?” Rylen looked at him over his shoulder, “Oh! Haha, is it that obvious?”

“Yes.” Cullen said standing up and massaging his shoulders, “You could just talk to her, you know.”

“Oh, the _last_ thing we do is talking.” He laughed loudly.

“I mean real Cassandra, stupid”, it was funny to know about Rylen huge platonic crush on her at the same time he was entirely afraid of her. Cullen was starting to relate to that, in fact.

“No. No, no, no.” His friend whispered, shaking his head furiously in denial.

“She is not that bad”, he tried to encourage him.

“Yeah, right.” Rylen was in his small clothes, starting to put on his nightclothes. After being fully dressed, he sat on his bed. “What about you and the Herald?”

_Of course it would come to this. Maker’s breath._

“What about me and the Herald?” He repeated sardonic, hoping he was able to disguise how he truly felt about it all. By Rylen’s laughter, it didn’t work.

“You should pursue it, you know.”

“Right”, it was Cullen’s time to laugh at the absurdity of it, “We’re at war, it’s not… I mean– ugh, I can’t, really.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I’ll do that once you do the same with Cassandra. Do we have a deal?”

“Bastard”, Rylen said throwing his pillow at Cullen’s direction, who dodged swiftly, chuckling. “Give it back. How is your sleep?” His friend asked while he was giving his pillow back.

“About the same. Why?”

 Rylen rose from the bed and drove himself to the hearth and the tea set they kept in the cottage, while Cullen noticed he was making a tea.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Rylen made an expression as if saying he was an idiot. “Your Lady Herald gave me some herbs…”

“She is not _my_ lady” He corrected his friend. _Unfortunately, she is not_. Rylen ignored him.

“…that she uses in a fusion to sleep. I only used it once, and I slept like a baby. She asked me to give it to you in case you were in need of it.”

“Sh– she… did?”

“Yes, she said it was good to keep you rested to serve the Inquisition properly. And also not to play chess into the night.”

Cullen smiled to himself like a fool, and he was sure Rylen noticed, but thankfully said nothing.

With Tessa’s tea, he slept for six hours.

The following nights of sleep were more peaceful, once he drank the fusion every night before retrieving to bed. He got less irritated, his body wasn’t as sore as before, he managed to train the recruits as well as keep his own practice, and he even stopped a fight between a mage and a templar who were accusing one another of killing the Divine, with Chancellor Roderick inflaming the nerves. The man only had his balls when the Herald was away.

Fortunately, she was bound to arrive the next day, and for what she last had wrote, she would bring two more companions who decided to join the Inquisition. According to her, both women couldn’t be more distinct, what was turning the journey back to Haven rather tiring due to the constant conflicts. One of them was an elf named Sera that Tessa described as “a crass mouth who seems not to care about anything else other than her bickering and pranks, but who is also extremely skilled with a bow and has a genuine desire of helping the ‘little people’, and whose extended network of knowledge and favors may help the Inquisition.” The other one was Madam Vivienne de Fer, who he knew had elevated the position of the court mages, and who Tessa described as being “polished in her discourses, even in her most sarcastic ones”. Cullen knew he had to keep an eye on both, whether from the pranks and conflicts or for the political motivation and advantages the Inquisition could bring.

In the next morning, Leliana summoned him on her tent. When he arrived, she was finishing a prayer. She had been praying more often now that the Divine was dead, and he remembered the shock she was in after it happened, and he couldn’t blame her for it, because he knew how much Justinia meant for Leliana, and he also knew how comforting religion could be. He ran to religion to assuage his trauma after the broken Circle. _That damned time never seem to leave me… Andraste preserve me_. Leliana faced him when she finished, and her expression was one of exhaustion and concern.

“Do you have any contacts in the Grey Wardens order, Commander?” She asked him a soft and low murmur, her arms folded in front of her.

“Not really, why?” She sighed and started to pace inside the tent.

“The Wardens of Ferelden and Orlais appear to have vanished. I think it’s unsettling.”

“Well, they always disappear when there’s no Blight…”

“This is different. I have sent letters to both sides and there’s no sign of them.”

It was his time to sigh. He was aware of Leliana deep relationship with the Hero of Ferelden, a Grey Warden.

“I’m sure she is fine, if that is what’s troubling you.” He touched her shoulder tenderly and gave a gentle squeeze in a gesture of support, and smiled weakly, hoping it would reassure her. Leliana touched his hand briefly before turning her back to him and started to examine some parchments on her desk.

“Thank you, Commander.” Her tone was slightly cold as if telling him to leave.

The Herald and her party arrived a day later than the expected. Something about bees frightening the horses, including Trevelyan’s white mare, and they had to set up camp during the night to calm the animals down and let them rest.

 She seemed invigorated, and was as beautiful as he remembered. Her usual bun was there on the top of her head, and the loose tendrils of her hair were in such a vibrant shade of copper that he could spot them even from a distance, seeing how they were the perfect frame for her face. Her eyes were bright as peaceful waters, and he wished he could drown on them. When she greeted him with a head nod, he almost chocked with the air he was inhaling, but managed not to look such a buffoon and nodded back.

She only needed a bath and a meal to be ready for the war council, but they had to wait for Cassandra still, as she had fallen asleep in her hut as soon as they arrived in Haven. Cullen avoided the contact with the Herald, thinking it would be something bolder than he could handle, and it would also give Rylen the ammunition he needed to keep teasing.

Cullen, Josephine and Leliana were talking casually inside the Chantry building while waiting for the Herald and the Seeker. Both of them emerged after the door opened, discussing excitedly about something as they stepped into the dim main hall.

“I’m glad to see you both back”, Josephine said gently “We heard about your encounter.”

“You did?” Cassandra asked, suspicious as always.

“My agents in the capital sent word ahead”, Leliana revealed while walking towards them with Cullen by her side.

“It’s a shame the Templars had abandoned the capital _and_ their senses.” He let out a long sigh, looking at Tessa. She was dressed in a simple purple vest over a black shirt with long sleeves, beige trousers and brown leather boots, matching her gloves. Her hair was spreading down her back and shoulders, and she _did_ smell of citric fruits and soft-scented flowers, he realized, while thinking it was ridiculous just how much he was attracted to her like a green recruit.

“We had to go there, and now we have an opportunity to do something.”

 _Why does she look at me like that? Maker’s breath, I think I’m flushing_.

“Yes”, Josephine said and they all started to walk to the end of the hall, “And now we have the opening we needed to approach mages or templars.”

“Do we?” Cassandra doubted, crossing her arms on her chest, “Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I once knew.”

“True”, Leliana agreed, “He took the Order _somewhere_ , but to do what? My reports have been… very odd.”

“We should look into this.” He said strolling towards the war room, “I’m certain not everyone in the Order agree with the Lord Seeker.”

“Or we could simply ask for the help of the mages in Redcliffe”, Josephine suggested.

 _Of course_. He stopped abruptly, almost making Tessa collide against him – she would probably be crushed by his armor, and truth be told, if that was ever going to happen, he wanted to _feel_ her against him. He tried to deviate from these shameful thoughts, and focused on arguing with Josephine.

“You think the mage rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse!”

“You really should stop bickering and make up your mind”, Tessa said with a jot of irritation on her voice while she scratched her brow. If she knew just how much they debated over this during her absence, she would probably scream to shut them up.

“I agree” Cassandra spoke, “But what would the Lord Seeker be doing?”

“Pardon me,” Josephine said, “But we shouldn't discard Redcliffe this soon. The mages may be worth the risk.”

“They are powerful, Ambassador, but more desperate than you think.”

“So it will be dangerous,” Tessa declared with a sarcastic shrug, “I’ve been in danger since I stepped out of the Fade.”

“If someone amid the rebel mages is responsible for the Conclave…”

“The same could be said about the templars”, Josephine observed with a brow lifted.

“True enough.” Cullen agreed, feeling the watchful gaze of Tessa upon him, “At the moment, I am not certain if we have enough influence to approach the Order safely.”

“Then the Inquisition needs agents in more places”, Cassandra stated firmly.

“Meanwhile we should discuss other options.” The Ambassador said gracefully, retrieving for some other part of the hall.

After a while conferring they finally dispersed, only Tessa and Leliana remained conversing. A need inside Cullen’s guts arose telling him to go talk to her, to hear her voice, to hear her talking about herself and not the Inquisition, to get intoxicated by the scent of her. He shove it all to the back of his mind.

He was in the war room with the doors opened while studying some maps, when he perceived some shuffled papers at the end of the table – a mess he had left the last time he was there. He reached the papers and started to organize them in a way people could actually understand as he read some he didn’t recall.

“Always working”, he lifted his head to see Tessa leaned against the door with her arms folded while she was watching him and smirking so smoothly it was barely visible.

“Yes” He chuckled weakly, “How was the trip?”

“Tiring.” She said walking towards him, after shutting the doors. “How was Haven?”

“The usual. But I do believe you need to scold Chancellor Roderick again.”

“Oh, he’s not behaving?”

“Not quite” He smiled, observing as she leaned against the other end of table with her hips and hands, “I, hm– I… thank you again… for the, uh, chessboard. It’s been good to distract. And also the… tea.” He was stuttering and felt a drop of sweat break in his temple, “Rylen told me. Thank you.” She smiled, pleased with herself. _What a beautiful smile she has_.

“You are very welcome, Commander. Did it work?”

“Yes, perfectly.”

“Then I’m glad” She was staring at him with such intensity he actually started a debate with himself to determine whether it was on purpose or not. “How is the progress of the watchtowers in Dennet’s farm?”

“On the last details. Just a few more things to arrange.”

“Good. I will be heading there again soon, to investigate something for Leliana.”

“Oh?”

“About a Grey Warden… Blackwall? Do you know what is it about?”

“Uh, yes. Leliana mentioned something of the sort. About the Grey Wardens disappearance, but I wasn’t worried.”

“No? I was. The timing… it’s strange. I don’t know, maybe it is just a coincidence and I won’t waste my time.”

Cullen agreed she should not take more time than the necessary, and after that they fell into a comfortable silence; he was somehow able to sustain his gaze on Tessa as much as she was sustaining hers on him. She was studying him, as if memorizing every bit of him, as he was doing. She stood on her feet and walked slowly towards him, sliding the tip of her fingers on the table while she was marching. The unstable light flickered, and the dim made her hair appear darker than usual, as well as her eyes and her lips. She was so close to him he could distinguish the smell of her, _orange and jasmine_ , so mesmerizing and intoxicating that Cullen lost his footing for a moment before he grasped the table for balance. She took off the glove from her left hand, and he saw the mark agitate slightly in a clear green. He had to force his eyes to see that beneath the mark, there was a long and deep scar on her palm, crossing Tessa’s delicate hand.

She rose onto her toes, and he closed his eyes quickly when he felt her gentle touch on his face. He opened his eyes and blinked in surprise when she stroked his cheek. Her face was so close he could see the shades of green that peppered her blue irises, and she was an explosion of red, green, blue, orange and jasmine.

“I missed you”, the words escaped his lips before he could think about stopping them. She smiled when his hand reached hers, and he caressed her with his thumb. _No, no, don’t do that, you stupid bastard! If you go to that road, you’ll be lost!_ He did not care, actually. He wanted to get lost, and he would do that with a smile on his face.

“I missed you too”, she responded still smiling, and licked her lips. They were so inviting, and pulsed, red, moist and perfect, and _Maker_ , he wanted to feel them with his. He wanted to crush his lips against hers, and if he just leaned over a bit, he could reach them and kiss her… “There was… uhm, a smudge of ink in your cheek.”

He fell. From the cloud he was, up in the sky, he fell. On his face.

Was she toying with him? Was it all just… a scene? Just a malicious prank or a bet set with Varric? He was thankful for his armor, so she couldn’t feel how furiously his heart was pounding inside his chest.

“Oh. Hm, thank you.” He said ignoring the lump that formed in his throat and let go of her hand hastily and almost angrily. He looked away feeling enormously ashamed, and if he could, he would crawl to hide beneath the table. “I should go. Good night, Herald.”

Instead, he turned around and virtually sprinted out of the war room.

“Good night, Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, sorry?  
> *winks wickedly*


	10. The Drink of the Champion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald is desperate for some company to let off steam after the events in the war room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you!
> 
> Let me start by saying that I don't know when I'm gonna be able to update this again, because I REALLY need to focus on my last two months as a college girl, and actually write an article as my undergraduate thesis (is this the term? haha sorry, not used to talk about this in English). As you can expect, I need all the time I can get to write that, and as you know, I have to translate this fic to post it here and that takes a lot of my time.
> 
> Having said that, I leave here a fun chapter for you, and I swear by the Maker I'll try to make time to update and to write my article! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter back in April, so I hope you guys like it!
> 
> See ya! :D

“Shit, _fuck_!”

Cullen entered the hut snorting out of rage and slammed the door closed with such ferocity that Rylen, who was changing into his nightclothes, fell over his bed in a panicked shock.

“What happened?”

“She was toying with me!” The Commander had his voice raised and shaken by his frantic temper, the shame he was feeling melting away.

“Who? What in the Void are you talking about?”

“She _knows_ I’m attracted to her, and she played with it.”

Rylen was starting to realize what his friend meant to say, but still needed details to add anything useful for the conversation. “Maybe you should breathe, friend, and start from the beginning.”

And so Cullen did. Breathing hard and pacing, trying to relax in the depths that he was sunken to climb back up, he told everything to Rylen. Told him about Tessa’s approaching, her hand sliding up to his cheek in what he thought was a tender caress, her mesmerizing smooth touch, his hand on hers, the sweet sensation of a dream… only to fall into reality with a loud bang worthy of a court jester play, in which _he_ was the jester that everyone was laughing at.

“Cullen” Rylen said warily, well aware that the Commander, at that specific moment, was a cannon ball ready to destroy anything in his reach. “Have you ever considered that… perhaps… you misinterpreted her?”

He stabbed Rylen with his bestial golden eyes.

“Work with me for a moment before you attempt on my life” the man said, approaching carefully, “From everything you told me, it seems that the girl didn’t show much interest. It seems she was merely being considerate towards you, as she is with everyone else.”

Two slaps reality gave Cullen in less than ten minutes. He wanted to believe she felt something as well, he was eager for it, hopeful for the first time in a long time.

“How am I supposed to look at her now?” He asked with a frown.

“Professionally, friend”, Rylen tapped him on the shoulder, “welcome to my world.”

* * *

The blurred lights of the room gathered around Tessa’s vision in a haze as she lingered there for a brief moment after the Commander hurried and awkwardly left the war room – he stumbled on the corner of the table, all of Josephine’s politics books hitting the ground at the contact. Tessa knew he was mortified, and didn’t care when he left the room anyway despite his mess.

While she was collecting the dropped papers, she stopped for a moment seated on her heels, leaning on her hands, and took a deep, long breath. She closed her eyes and squeezed her eyelids together, shaking her head and grunting angry with herself. _How could I be so stupid? Putting that show and giving up at the last second? Maker, he certainly hates me now._

She wanted to cast the most destructive spell she knew, to satiate her hunger for banging her head against the wall, but she resisted the temptation and stood up, straightening the table once more. She made the lights die with a gesture, walked out of the room and closed the doors behind her.

It was still early and the night had barely reached Haven, and she decided she needed a drink. Whilst strolling towards Varric – he would surely make a wonderful drinking buddy – she noticed a young man standing beside the Chantry doorway.

“Excuse me”, he approached her, “I have a message to deliver to the Inquisition, but I can’t seem to get anyone’s attention.”

“Who are you, soldier?” Tessa asked narrowing her eyes.

“Cremisius Aclassi, with the Bull’s Chargers mercenary company. We mostly work out of Orlais and Nevarra. We got word of some Tevinter mercenaries gathering out on the Storm Coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge. If you’d like to see what the Bull’s Chargers can do for the Inquisition, meet us there and watch us work.”

“We will think about it.” She replied, eager to finish the conversation.

“We’re the best you’ll find. Head to the Storm Coast to see us in action.”

Tessa nodded and bid him good night, carrying on her path to Varric, ruminating the embarrassing situation she created. _I really need a drink_.

“Lady Herald!” The dwarf greeted her merrily and jolly “To what do I owe this honor?”

“Hm, is it ‘Lady Herald’ now?” She chuckled “Was I promoted?”

“Yes, after your fine display when dealing with all that madness in the Hinterlands. You could be a worthy leader.”

“I’ll take the compliment”, she said with a wink, “Want a drink?”

“If you’re planning to take me to bed”, he laughed cheerfully “It won’t work.”

“Oh, no!” She pretended to be heartbroken by his statement, failing on the attempt to conceal her amused grin. “What shall I do now that I have learnt my love is unrequited?” Watching Varric shrug, she added, “Come on, don’t be a party pooper.”

“A party pooper, me? Never, my lady!”

They went to the small shed that housed the tavern, a tiny wooden building, so full of furniture and people it was suffocating. Tessa had the impression it was smaller than her cottage while squeezing herself through the shoulders of the clientele trying to reach the counter, as Varric had simply pushed the people away, what seemed indeed easier. An elven man, that did not triggered any memory from Tessa, got up to his feet to “have the honor of giving his seat to the Herald of Andraste, chosen of the skies.” She thanked him shyly, and did not accepted at first, but he insisted so hard she had no choice but to give in; Varric, on the other hand, had to wait until a drunken man fell from the stool to take the seat close to Tessa.

“Why are we drinking?” Varric asked, slapping on the counter to call Flissa, the attendant.

“Do we need a reason?” She replied smiling with her eyes.

“Not really.” He said in agreement, “But I’ve never seen you drinking before, so forgive my curiosity.”

“If you really must know, it’s because I am nothing but a fool.”

“Oh, you’re not that bad. What happened?”

At that point, Flissa showed up, and Varric ordered two mugs of ale, and much to his surprise, Tessa dismissed those drinks and asked him for something stronger. His eyebrows shot up in approval, and he ordered a drink she didn’t know instead.

“I did something I shouldn’t have or I didn’t do something I should have. I don’t even know anymore.” She shoved her face between her gloved palms and sighed.

“Hm. Does this have something to do with our mutual friend?” Varric wondered.

“We have a few mutual friends now, you know.” She said with narrowed eyes, teasing and defying him. Luckily enough, the attendant came with their drink, a bottle of red liquor unrecognizable to Tessa’s eyes and mind while she scanned the bottle as the attendant put three small goblets in front of her, and three in front of her companion. Flissa filled the six goblets to the very edge, and left with the bottle to attend to her other costumers. Tessa grabbed one of the goblets and it was easily a palm away from her when she was able to smell it and put it back on the counter, inebriated by the strong scent of alcohol. “Ugh, _what_ is that?”

Varric laughed vigorously, “Hah! The Drink of the Champion!” He announced proudly, “Very famous in Kirkwall. If you want to be respected by anyone from there, you must respect local traditions, see.”

“But we’re not at Kirkwall.”

“Hey, you were the one who wanted something strong. I just provided it.”

Varric, then, took one of the small goblets in hand and drank its content in one single sip. He did that again and _again_ , wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and casting a challenging glare to Tessa, letting her know it was her turn. She wouldn’t cower away from it, she was, after all, from Ostwick, and if her time in the Circle had taught her anything besides controlling her magic, it was drinking. So she sighed and mimicking Varric’s movement took one of the goblets and drank the liquor in three long sips. It filled her mouth with sweetness at first, turning into a spicy taste, finally finishing with a wild burn in her throat. She took her breath and drank from another goblet. The third was swallowed effortlessly, and she had to blink a few times to focus around the hazy spots on her sight and grasp the counter to keep herself from falling. The Drink of the Champion was a lot _meaner_ than she was expecting, and she wondered if it was a tribute to Hawke and whether she was in fact able to drink that thing or not.

“I feel drunk already”, she muttered happily.

“I know! Isn’t it great?”

“Yes, it is!”

Laughing spiritedly, Tessa felt like an idiot, but that always happened when she drank with an empty stomach, the drink from Kirkwall only speeded the process. She ordered another round of the drink, and almost fell from the stool afterwards – she would have if Varric hasn’t grabbed her in time to prevent an utter disaster, and they obviously laughed loudly.

“Hey!” She exclaimed suddenly, “I know a game.” She took a copper coin out of her pocket and reached for one of the empty goblets. “If I make this coin bounce on the counter and fall inside the goblet, you’ll have to drink a mug of ale.”

“Sounds fun!”

Tessa lost and she was not sure if she could feel her legs, what made her giggle by herself at first, with Varric accompanying shortly after.

“What are you laughing at?”

“I’m not certain, but I think I will have to be carried from here.” She giggled even more when she heard her blurred, groggy voice. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she felt her belly ache from laughter, and she thought she burped in the middle of the sentence, which made her laugh more – if that was possible. “Someone summon the Commander to take me to bed!”

“Hah, I knew it!” Varric pointed at her, very entertained. “You fancy him, you _waaant_ _him_! _Tessa and Cullen kissing in a tree…_ ”

“Stop singing, you suck.”

“Maker’s balls, you want Curly! I’ll be damned!”

“Have you _seen_ him? People say I was touched by Andraste, but I am pretty sure it was him. Sweet Maker, is it hot in here?”

“No, it’s just the booze, drunken Herald.”

“If you say so.”

She couldn’t tell when or how she ended up in her bed, light burning furious as she tried to open her eyes. She tried to get up, but fell onto her pillow with a hammer pounding inside her head. It felt like a storm in the ocean had set within her stomach, and she ignored the fiery light and the constant pounding to vomit in the empty latrine – which somehow was beside her bed. _The. Worst. Hangover. Ever._

Tessa had her morning hygiene with difficulty, and headed to Adan’s office to request potions for her nausea, her headache and her throbbing eyes. Having the slightest glimpse of a poorly masked smirk from the apothecary, flashbacks of the night before started to hit Tessa as she remembered she had sang for the entire tavern to hear. The news of the drunken Herald spread fast through the camp in Haven, with soldiers and agents squeezing themselves inside the small hut that served the tavern, crowding it even more than before.

“You saw me singing, didn’t you?” She risked to question.

“Oh, yes.” He replied, his beard curling up as his lips formed a small grin. “Nice voice you have there. Although I couldn’t quite make out the words you were singing. Was that a foreign tongue?”

“Maker’s breath” She rolled her eyes, “No, it was not.”

Adan burst out laughing while he was handing the potions to her, no longer trying to make any effort to conceal his amusement. She swallowed the liquids from the flasks at once, and was already feeling their welcoming effects. Tessa thanked the man and spun on her heels to leave, spotting Solas leaning against a rock near the door of his cottage. He too was smirking, smiling boldly to her. _Oh, Maker, he saw it too_ , she realized, throwing him a look meant for him to not speak of it, and walked towards Varric.

“Lady Herald of the Iron Throat!” He remarked as soon as he saw her approaching.

“Excuse me?!”

“You know, maintaining that voice after drinking… well, all the booze from the tavern really, it’s quite an accomplishment.” Flashes of people applauding and screaming in enjoyment rushed through her mind. As if reading her thoughts, Varric continued, “The worst thing about the Drink of the Champion is that it leaves you drunk enough to embarrass yourself for life, but not drunk enough so that you _forget_ your scandalous acts.”

“I suppose that is true…” She agreed, eager to hide her face between her hands, feeling the flush creeping up her cheeks and tips of her ears. “Though I don’t recall getting to my bed.”

“You shouldn’t, you had already passed out.” He must have seen the expression of complete embarrassment and surprise that took over his companion, and added between chuckles, “Cassandra took you to your cottage and stayed there until she was sure you were okay.”

“Oh.” _Maker, did everyone see me disgrace myself?_ “I think I owe her my thanks. Varric, who _exactly_ saw what happened?”

“Don’t you worry, kid” He patted her shoulder with a friendly wink, “Curly didn’t see a thing. From what I hear, he stayed in his cottage during the entire evening, which reminds me… he left the Chantry building just a little before you looking like a volcano about to erupt. Does that have something to do with the thing you told me last night?”

“Oh sweet Maker, what did I tell you?” She asked rather eager to know.

“Something about doing what you shouldn’t have… then you said he had to take you to the bed, or something of the sort.”

“Alright!” She interrupted lifting a hand in a gesture for him to stop, “I remember _that_ part. Can we, please, not talk about it?”

Grinning, the dwarf agreed. “By the way, Josephine told me that someone petitioned that your singing should become a weekly event.”

“Andraste preserve me!” Tessa rolled her eyes and shook her head in a slight annoyance. “Who?”

“Chuckles.” Varric teased.

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Solas?”

“Yes.”

“ _Solas_? Our elven companion?”

“I know, it surprised me too.”

“I have to admit… it was fun.” She remarked before setting off to attend her duties for the day.


	11. The Grey Warden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and her companions travel back to the Hinterlands to find the Grey Warden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand I'm back! Finally!  
> I'm really sorry about the hiatus, but I needed it badly. I've finished my article and now I am free to go back to my pleasurable writing.  
> I have to say that even worried about my article - that was due yesterday -, I never stopped thinking about this story and where I want to go with it. I have a lot of ideas that will turn this silly thing into something greater. It will be longer than I have anticipated, but hopefully it will be for the best.  
> I'll try to compensate and post another chapter right the way, later this week - tomorrow or so.

Tessa decided to head back to the Hinterlands later on the week, under numerous protests from Varric, Cassandra and Solas, who were still tired from their trip to Val Royeaux. But she wanted badly to leave Haven, she _needed_. The situation with Cullen had embarrassed her to the bones, and any further interactions with him were merely and strictly professional, no more of their friendly banter or sharing distant memories from their past. They avoided being alone in the other’s company – they avoided any form of contact, actually –, and the meetings around the war table turned out to be more somber and awkward, instead of the light mood that had always lingered. She had her worries about whether Leliana suspected something, but of course, she would not dare ask even if her life depended on that.

Thus, she opted to travel. Keep her distance.

She really needed to return to the Hinterlands to secure her business with Master Dennet and to find Warden Blackwall.

Her new companions, Vivienne and Sera, went with her. The first admitted she would have been delighted to rest some more, while the latter was eager to “turn things back to normal”, as she said it herself.

The small group of soldiers that were escorting the Herald rode on a steady and regular pace. It would have taken them two or three days to arrive to their destination, and Tessa was impatient to talk to Blackwall, to find out what he knew about the Wardens’ disappearance, and maybe even recruit him to the Inquisition. They did not know what they were dealing with yet, and in the slightest chance of Blight… to say that it would be valuable to have him with them would be an understatement. She was eager and anxious all the same at the prospect.

Riding on Silver ahead of them, she was leading the group while stretching her neck to try to have a glimpse beyond the trees and creeks that surrounded the Hinterlands, but even on horseback, she was _still too short_. She snorted, mentally cursing her bad luck for not having her father’s height as she realized Vivienne had caught up with her and was now riding by her side on the beautiful Orlesian steed she had brought from the court.

“You are from the Ostwick Circle, are you not, dear?” The enchanter mused.

“Yes, why?”

“Have you met Senior Enchanter Lydia? She was a great friend of mine.”

Throwing the older woman a confused frown, Tessa noticed the pain and grief in her voice, so touchable she could feel it and recognizing it, for she knew it all too well.

“She was my mentor.” She sighed, stroking down Silver’s neck underneath her, an action she often found therapeutic to her and that the mare deeply appreciated. “She… was like a mother to me.”

Vivienne also sighed, and a small smile was curling up the corners of her lips. She casted a glance to Tessa, one of pure sadness, and she knew the enchanter’s smile was to prevent her tears from falling down her face.

“It was a lucky twist of destiny to make you her apprentice. She had an enormous amount of knowledge.” Tessa always thought of herself lucky to even have _met_ Lydia, for she was a remarkable woman, leaving her mark upon the people she came across, the kind of woman that would be still admired long after her death. “I heard she was slain by one of her students when the circle fell, is that right?”

“No, it was a rumor.” She assured the enchanter, remembering the details. “We spread that out to keep us from danger as we traveled.”

“Oh”, the woman seemed relieved. “And where is she now? Is she still alive?”

“No. She died at the Conclave.”

Vivienne, who kept her eyes on Tessa during their whole conversation, let them drop to her steed as lifting her fingers to elegantly sweep away her tears. “Thank you for telling me, my dear.” She sighed softly before looking back to her fellow mage. “I think we can both agree this war has to come to an end.”

“Yes”, she remarked sadly. “The chaos harms everyone, and the rebel mages and the templars don’t seem to care about who gets caught up in the middle.”

“Of course not, dear, for in war one only sees one’s side, no matter the consequences. The chevaliers may say otherwise, but there is _no honor_ in war, at least there is none in this. Now, mages, templars, innocents of all kinds look upon the Inquisition in hope for better days.”

The young mage’s reaction was one mix of gasp in angst and muffled laughter as she came to realize how many people were now depending on her success as the Herald. It was nothing she had ever prepared for, and it certainly was not a responsibility she would take if she were given the choice.

“I will… try not to let them down.” She said in a high-pitched voice wearily, failing on her attempt to look confident.

“Failing is not a luxury one can afford on a position such as yours, my dear.” Vivienne stated sternly with boldness on her voice. “Remember that, for over a thousand years the world thought it was on the hands of the Maker, and now many believe you are the agent of His will.” Upon seeing Tessa ready to protest, she continued, “The truth does not matter, dear, but surely gives you power.”

“No one should have this power.” Tessa muttered, “Not me, not any other mage, not a templar, not even a Divine, for it is unnerving, unforgiving to one’s soul and… dangerous.”

“I happen to agree with you, but I must confess I am eager to see how you handle that power. I hope you know you can count on my help for whatever you need.” Looking around in easiness, the enchanter smiled mischievously, and added, “I shall let you be, dear. Do not let me take much of your time; after all, you do have to lead us.”

With a wink, the enchanter pulled the reins to slow her horse down until she could no longer be seen amidst the soldiers, leaving Tessa alone once again leading the entourage. They kept riding for a few hours, arriving at the Hinterlands by the end of sunlight, and made camp south of Redcliffe Village, closer to the location Leliana had marked on the map as being where the Grey Warden was last seen. Tessa found curious that every Warden had, except for this one.

While the group was unsaddling and preparing for the day, she remembered when Cassandra took her to try to close the Breach – and, instead, only stabilized it and almost died. Echoes of what happened resonated in the Temple of Sacred Ashes, in the crumbled gap where the explosion took place, and they could hear the Divine asking for help, they could hear a strange voice saying things that did not make any sense. _Keep the sacrifice still_ , she heard while seeing Justinia trapped, her arms stretched at her sides as if she was being crucified, unable to move.

Tessa spent days forcing herself to remember, forcing her mind to focus until her head was aching, but no memory came to her. The echoes were everything she knew, everything that gave a small clue about what happened. _What’s going on here?_

 _We have an intruder_. What happened there? What was she interrupting at that moment?

 _Run while you can, warn them_ , the Divine begged in the echo.

 _Kill her_.

Only when she woke up she realized she had fallen asleep in the tent shared with Sera, Cassandra and Vivienne. It was the first time she had dreamed about the echoes, and it was as disturbing as the time she spent thinking about them while awake. Frustrated, she stepped out of the tent taking a deep breath, and sat on the trunk of a fallen tree. Some scouts were still up under the darkness of the moonless, but star-filled night. She looked up reciting the Chant of Light, asking blessings for herself, her companions, her family, Haven, and Thedas, trying to count the stars as she prayed. She sighed, defeated, and headed back to the tent knowing the next day would be a long one.

The following morning was agitated. Vivienne was insisting on unpacking before leaving, Cassandra was impatient and eager to leave at once to find the Warden, Varric was surprisingly agreeing with the Seeker, and Sera took the opportunity to make fun of the whole situation with a quick-witted joke.

They walked on the shore of the lake, observing the wild life and the flora. Blood lotus sneaked up from the shallow waters, the magnificent trees mirrored in the lake, nugs and rams would come to drink from it, and then would run together to their destinies. Tessa took her left glove off her hand, revealing the soft glow of green to immerse her fingers into the cold water. The mark agitated and transformed into a furious flash of green light, with a shiver running through Tessa’s spine. She smiled at the thought that not even the mark liked the cold.

“Hey, can you hear that?” Tessa lifted her gaze to Sera upon hearing the elf’s voice, and rose to her feet while drying her hand on her clothes and putting the glove back on. “There’s a lot of screaming, yeah? Come here.”

Sera ran, guiding them circling the shore of the shallow lake and through the woods towards what seemed to be a battle in front of a small cabin.

There were four men against many others. Three were young, as if had just entered adulthood, and the other was an older man, with thick hair and thicker beard. The three young men were not prepared for a fight, that much was obvious. Tessa was attentive to the helmet resting atop of a barrel leaned against the wall of the cabin, with rich feathers coming out of its top, impeccably silver and opened in the front for the face. That helmet was familiar to her, as she remembered seeing a drawing of one in one of the books she studied when she was still in the circle, and she was sure it was a Grey Warden’s helmet. Tessa turned to see arrows showering the four men, as they tried to cover themselves with their shameful shields.

“Vivienne!” She screamed with her staff in the right hand. The other mage nodded, and in a surprisingly synchrony, both mages summoned magical shields to protect the men, the arrows turning into sand as they touched the magic.

With the addition, the three young men gained confidence, and Cassandra and Blackwall leaded them to thrust against the bandits, while Tessa let her fire flow, burning two with one magical trap; Solas was exquisitely releasing his ice spells against them, as Vivienne with her mind blast when three bandits surrounded her. Varric and Sera lurked around other two and shot precisely between their eyes. The elf jumped back, and made a torrent of arrows fly on the men that were trying to seize her. Another was caught in one of the traps Varric had discretely placed, and one of the young men finished him, hearing the dwarf calling him a “kill thief”. Solas froze two with a winter’s grasp, and Cassandra shattered them into a million pieces with a strong shield bash, as Blackwall made his blade penetrate one in the belly, taking it off unceremoniously in a rain of blood and guts to slice the throat of another open. Four more appeared, only to be burnt by Tessa and to have a dart from Bianca piercing their necks.

She saw the breathless recruits look at each other stunned, as Blackwall earthed his bloody sword.

“Good job, lads.” He sighed heavily, “Go back to your families and get out of here.”

The recruits obeyed, going away as soon as the order was given, and Tessa took the opportunity to step closer to the bearded man. “Are you Warden Blackwall?”

The man turned to her and her five companions, wary and harsh, walking towards them as to confront them. “How do you know my name? Who are you?”

“We know your name because we are agents of the Inquisition”, she stated formally, letting him know he was failing on his attempt to scare her. “We are investigating if the Wardens’ disappearance has something to do with the Divine’s murder.”

“Maker’s balls”, he cursed, pacing back and forth, “The Wardens and the Divine? It can’t be. It isn’t… well, you’re asking, right? Then you don’t know. First of all, I didn’t know the Wardens were missing. But that’s what happens, isn’t it? The Blight ends, we go back to anonymity, and the world goes back to its ‘not caring’ nature again. But this I know: _no Warden killed the Divine_.”

“I am not accusing, I just need information, and you are the only one I found. Where are the others?”

“I don’t know, girl, I travel alone recruiting. Haven’t seen another Warden in months.”

Tessa let out a heavy sigh of defeat, and bit her bottom lip in frustration. “Thank you anyway.”

She spun on her heels and started to walk back to her companions, so they could get moving to their other issues. _I can’t believe we came here for nothing_.

“Wait”, she heard Blackwall’s voice from behind her, and she looked at him above her shoulder. “Inquisition’s… agents you said?” With long hurried steps, he reduced the distance between him and the group. “So the Divine is dead and the sky is shattered. Taking no stand is just as bad as being involved with the wrong side of the fight. Maybe the Inquisition will need a Warden.”

“Are you offering your services to the Inquisition, Warden Blackwall?”

“Yes.” He said confidently, “Yes, I am.”

“The Inquisition accepts your offer.” She said, with an almost imperceptible smile.

“Welcome to our little family.” Varric jested, patting Blackwall on the shoulder, “You are going to _love_ us.”

They headed back towards the camp, with Cassandra leading, Vivienne, Solas and Tessa behind her having an academic discussion about magic, and Blackwall, Sera and Varric bantering about nugs and giants. Upon reaching their destination, Tessa agreed they needed proper rest before riding to Dennet’s farm.

The day passed between jokes and sunshine, with the group amicably getting to know Blackwall. Tessa took the chance to talk to him about his Order, and how, as a child, she looked up to them in admiration as she listened to the stories in the Circle about the Hero of Ferelden courageous acts to end the Blight and defeat the Archdemon. Sera was picking on Solas and his “elfiness”, Cassandra and Varric seemed to need the mutual accusations, and Vivienne retreated to the tent to do something to her face with cheese wheels.

In the next morning, they proceeded to Master Dennet’s at first light, and along the way, they could see the progress of the construction of the watchtowers, with scouts and soldiers monitoring the surroundings while the workers completed the job. _Very well, Commander_.

She bit the inside of her cheek at the memory of Cullen, the memory she was so eager to avoid. She simply hated the way she left things, and she hated the long journey she had planned. She wanted to run back to Haven, on foot if need be, just to apologize for her stupidity. _Why the fuck am I so confusing to myself?_ She still thought of Myles, but he had become to her a distant memory that was starting to piss her off, given the inopportune moments he popped in her mind.

Decided to focus on getting Dennet to maintain his part of the bargain, Tessa shook her head as dismounting Silver to deviate from those distracting thoughts. She asked her companions to wait for a moment as she discussed with the horse master.

The door to his comfortable cottage was open, letting a relaxing, warm smell of berries escape and fill her senses. She knocked on his door to announce her presence with a confident look on her face.

“Good morning, Master Dennet”, she said politely, “May I come in?”

“Good morning, Lady Herald, please do.” He responded just as amicable, indicating a chair for her to seat “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes, thank you” She answered as he promptly placed a delicate cup in front of her and poured the red liquid in it. She sipped lady-like, and almost laughed at the prospect “Shall we talk business?”

“Right to the point, I see.” He smiled. “Well, as I’m told, your towers are in the final details to completion, and Elaina told me about the wolves. You are a woman of your word, milady.”

“I am sure you are going to fulfill your part of our bargain as well, Master Dennet.”

“Heh, yes. My horses are yours.”

“What about you?”

“Ahem… Am I really necessary? I’m sending my best working hands.”

“They maybe your best, but I am sure they are not as good as you.”

“Yes, well, but there’re still my wife and daughter…”

“You can bring them with you.” She was determined to convince him, and she would try her hardest, “I’m sure we can find a comfortable place for you and your family.”

“You see, I do want to go, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Tell you what: if you and your Inquisition close a rift that is on the river nearby, then I’ll know my wife and daughter will be safe if I’m not around. Do that, and I’ll work for you.”

Tessa smiled, understanding completely his concern for his family. She nodded, agreeing; she would do that before leaving even if nobody asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Pleeeease let me know want you think :D


	12. The arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took longer than planned, but translation is exhausting!  
> Couldn't quite figure out a proper summary without spoilers, so it's better to leave it like this haha  
> Hope you enjoy this one! And tell me what you think in the comments? Pretty please? *-*

It had been almost six weeks since Tessa and her companions left for the Hinterlands and Storm Coast, to convince Master Dennet to join them, find the Grey Warden and possibly hire a mercenary company.

Cullen suspected she had planned this long trip to avoid him. Their interactions, always friendly and light-hearted, got awkward and uncomfortable after what happened in the war room.  _After my complete and total disgrace._ Rylen teased and encouraged, telling him to write her a personal letter, but that would only embarrass him even more. Besides, what could he possibly write her? That he was sorry? That he was an idiot? She probably knew that already.

Her letters were cold and professional, and _never_ addressed to him, but to the entire Inquisition counsel, or to Leliana specifically. They were reports about the regions and the situations they were finding, the news from the villages and the needs of the people. There were not any hints of her feelings on those letters.

Master Dennet arrived at Haven three weeks after Tessa left, bringing with him his impressive mounts at large numbers. After the horse master settled – right after complaining about the piddling, depressive stables – the Commander went to greet him and to inspect the new horses.

“They are a beauty, aren’t they?” Dennet remarked proudly, petting a gorgeous young buckskin male. “You are lucky with this Herald girl. She is pretty convincing.”

“Yes”, Cullen answered both statements, “Do you need something for the horses?”

“Hay and snacks, but things like apples and carrots. We want obedient beasts, not obedient and fat beasts.”

Three weeks later Josephine requested his and Leliana’s presence for a war council meeting. He walked throughout the entire camp, passing straight through the large group of clerics that were occupying Haven, seeing – and solemnly ignoring – Chancellor Roderick, who was eager to speak to him, probably to complain about something. Cullen entered the massive Chantry building in large steps, and opened the wooden door to the war room, finding Leliana and Josephine giggling about something he was not interested.

“Commander”, the Spymaster greeted, followed by an elegant head bow from the Ambassador.

“Sister Nightingale, Ambassador.”

Josephine did not waste time in telling them that the latest correspondence from the Herald was about the hiring of a small, but efficient mercenary company, the Bull’s Chargers. She also made a comment about the necessity of asking for a few favours to gather the coin to pay them, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. She also said the Herald and her companions were on their way back to Haven, but the discussion took new courses quickly after what she told what they have found at the Storm Coast, in addition of Tevinter forces.

“A dragon?” Leliana repeated with wide eyes after Josephine’s reveal.

“Maker’s breath”, he snorted with a jot of desperation with the sight of that tiny redheaded mage facing an enormous dragon. “Tell me they didn’t… they didn’t fight it, did they?”

“No, they observed from afar, but are studying the possibility of going back.”

“To face the dragon?” Leliana asked stupefied, and with the shy nod in agreement from the Ambassador, added: “Maker help us.”

“Whose idea was this?” Cullen asked, suspecting he already knew the answer.

“The Herald’s, I believe.”

“That girl, I swear… is she senseless?” Cullen sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck while Leliana leaned over the war table.

“Alright, moving on…” Josephine continued, trying to evaporate the tension as she could. “I believe I have found the Herald’s brother, the mercenary, James.”

Cullen lifted his eyes to her, and he noticed Leliana did the same.

“You can give me the location, I will have my agents to track him down discretely.”

“What’s going on?” He asked, suspicious about it.

“A few weeks before she left, Lady Trevelyan asked us to try and find her brother”, Leliana pronounced staring at him deeply, “She convinced us he would be an invaluable warrior to the Inquisition, fierce and loyal.”

“Is that the only reason you went after him?” He spat at the response, annoyed and angry, “She spent years without a word from him, thinking he was dead.”

“We know, Commander.” Josephine remarked smoothly, possibly in the hopes of calming things down once again. “The odds were against us, he could really be dead somewhere, so we did not want to give her any false hopes. However, I trust my sources. I think he is alive.”

“And where do your sources point to?”

“To the Western Approach. The rumours of an Abyssal High Dragon attracted many adventurers.”

“What the… shit.” _Another dragon. An Abyssal High Dragon. Fucking shit_.

The three advisers spent at least another hour discussing about strategies, supplies matters, how they could give Haven a proper stable and how they could give the many pilgrims and recruits proper dormitories. Tessa’s successive accomplishments were giving the Inquisition the fame and respect they needed that moment, and the trust the people were putting on her was now passing on to them.

Morosely another week passed, and Cullen was finding himself more and more incapable of a goodnight sleep – or even a night sleep if he were to be honest. Most of the times he took one of Adan’s potions, or made tea out of what was left of the herbs Tessa gave to Rylen.

On that night, Cullen was inside his cottage, under the weak orange candlelight, just listening to the soothing snaps from the blazes on the brazier. For the first time since he took the role of Commander, he was getting ready to sleep. On the other nights, he would simply fall over his pile of work and had a nap – when he was able to, even with Adan’s potions. On many occasions, he stayed up during the night working or practicing. Three weeks prior, Leliana, Josephine and Rylen had teamed up and started to pick on him so he would adopt a sleeping routine, and then, maybe, the sleep would come to him. Cullen knew they had more important things to worry about than him, he knew he was not worth that much trouble, but he was secretly thankful for their concerns.

The fatigue was weighting on him, and he decided that he would sleep that night no matter what. He was seduced by the quietness the lyrium could provide, but he resisted. He needed to endure. If he were going to take anything to sleep, it would be Adan’s potion.

He was taking of his training tunic to put a clean one on, something Josephine told him that could help, when he heard soft knocks on the door.

“Cullen? May I come in?”

He was halfway from completing the task at hand when he authorized the entrance, and saw Tessa there, entering his cottage shyly and slowly. The trembling light from the brazier gave her a jot of serenity. For a moment, he simply forgot about the exhaustion.

“Herald”, he said noticing her eyes were not meeting his, but his abdomen marked by scars from battles and trainings, what made him smirk discretely. “You’ve returned. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you.” She remarked, closing the door behind her. “We’d just arrived.”

“How was the trip?”

“It was good.” She answered in a calm tone, with a beautiful smile, “We now have the Bull’s Chargers and Warden Blackwall with us. How is Master Dennet?”

“Oh, he is fine. Glad to be helping” _And complaining to anyone who can hear him_. “The horses he provided are excellent, and his expertise will certainly come handy. You’ve been doing a great job, Herald. The recruits are arriving at large numbers, thanks to the fame you’ve been constructing during your travels.” He tried to reduce the distance between them, and as if a bolt of lightning hit him, Cullen remembered. “I heard you found a dragon at Storm Coast.”

“Oh…” Tessa shrugged, smiling shyly, looked away and tucked a lock of copper hair behind her ear. Looking back at him, Cullen noticed a spark on her eyes that were not there before. A spark of delight and admiration. “Magnificent creature.”

“You are surely not thinking about fighting this magnificent creature?”

“Maybe I am. Dragons are… _dangerously_ magnificent.”

“Still. They are too dangerous.”

“All the more reason to fight them, don’t you think? Who is better equipped than the Inquisition? Plus, Cassandra already killed one, so we have our own dragonslayer, and lots of dragon-slaying enthusiasts.”

She smiled again trying to convince him, and he could only laugh in agreement, not quite capable to express his concern for her, and they fell into a comfortable silence for a few seconds.

 “Cullen, I…” She started, “I’ve asked Rylen to hold on for a moment so you and I could talk alone. Is that alright?”

“A-alone? I mean, of course.” He gestured to his bed so she could sit there beside him, and he looked at her by the corner of his eyes.

“Well, I… uh… _Maker’s breath_ ” She sighed. “I wanted you to know that I hated the way things were between us before my trip. I should have come to talk to you sooner. I… I’m sorry. About the war room.”

“Tessa… You really don’t have to, I…” All the times he thought about this moment never actually prepared him to face it, regrettably. “I’m the one who owes you an apology. I misinterpreted… I shouldn’t have…”

“No.” She interrupted, turning to him with those big blue eyes that were slowly getting darker, eyeing him closely and deeply. “I… Andraste preserve me, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Say what?” He saw her cheeks blushing while she was trying to control her breathing.

“It’s very confusing.” Tessa stared at her knees as she shook her head. “How did you feel about the mages?”

That question hit him in his core, in his past, present and future, in everything he believed for so long, and Cullen was not sure if he was ready to admit anything about it.

“I was… very suspicious and… I mistreated mages, numerous times without reason.”

“That is how I feel about the templars. They…” She was paying attention to her hands, and started to take off her gloves, finger by finger, while speaking: “They caused me nothing but pain. They killed my betrothed, my brother died at their service. My other brother went away, and I barely know him anymore." Tessa showed him her small and delicate hands and then her palms. Two deep, ugly scars divided her hands, and Cullen could see those scars were made by and utterly sharp blade. “They were made by a templar when the Circle fell, and were meant for my throat.”

She recoiled her hands, as if she did not wish him to look at her scars for long, not allowing him in just yet. Their eyes met, amber and blue, and Cullen knew he had no right to say anything about her pain or demand her to tell him anything; he could only listen to what she had to share at that moment.

“That’s why it is so strange to me to deal with it, to find myself thinking constantly about a templar, or an ex templar, with all the history he must carry.” He knew she used a euphemism to all the things that happened in Kirkwall, which made him angry, remorseful and grieving, but the only thing he could care about then was the middle part. “That is also why I panicked at the war room.”

He did not know what to say, and broken sounds left his lips. _This is what you wanted, you idiot!_

“Oh. I… what-what do you mean? I-I mean, you… are you talking about me?”

With wide eyes, Tessa looked away and struggled to keep her calm.

“I should have kept my mouth shut. Please, forget I said anything.”

She got to her feet quickly, ready to head out the door, but Cullen’s reflexes were just as fast, and he pulled himself up and grabbed her hand making her stop and turn, startled.

“Don’t. I’m glad you said that. I…” _Maker help me_. He cleared his throat so the huge lump inside could dissipate, “I… I didn’t know that I…” Cullen’s eyes could not find their way to meet hers, but he still condensed the distance between them. “I didn’t think that… it was possible and I… I feel the same.”

Tessa was not saying anything, but kept her eyes locked to his, her lips slightly open while he took another step closer to her, confidence growing within him. He watched her lick her lips slowly, encouraging him to grow bolder and stroked her wrist up to her elbow.

“Tell me I didn’t misinterpreted.”

_This is wrong._

A moment of silence hovered, taking them to a place where time and space did not matter. She was breathing hard and staring intensely at him, while a furious flush crept up her neck to the tip of her ears. Another step closer.

“You didn’t.” Her voice was a mere husky murmur. He could feel his skin tingle at the sensation of her soft breath on his face.

A copper lock of hair was on Tessa’s face, and Cullen gently tucked behind her tiny ear, keeping his eyes on hers. She stood in place during his approach. “May I kiss you?”

 _This is so wrong_.

“Yes.”

He caressed her cheek with his thumb, and she nervously bit her bottom lip. He pulled her to himself in the most affectionate way he knew, feeling her lips on his so sweetly. His tongue slid lightly on her lips, asking her if she would allow his entrance; her mouth opened almost instantly with the contact, and he felt one of Tessa’s hand in the back of his head. He felt every bit of her; he marked every nuance of her deep inside his mind. _Maker_ , the smell of her was hypnotizing him. He wanted to extend that moment for as long as he could and nothing more. _How could something so wrong feel so good?_

Cullen felt her body on his, felt her hands on his face and on his hair, tugging gently, scratching his scalp in a delirious way, sending pleasure bites to every bit of his being. He was submitting himself to her in way he had never before, to any other woman. He wasn’t a romantic man, he never said sweet loving words, he never cared about love gestures or actions; but his fingers tangled on her hair while his other hand slid down her spine to her waist, fearful she would break under his touch, like she was made out of the finer porcelain. He was never that careful before.

He could feel her heavy breathing, their breaths mixing deliciously, the rise and fall of her breasts pressed against his chest, his blood boiling up for her, making its sweet exodus to his hardening length. He pulled her closer, unwilling to break apart.

Their tongues danced in harmony, as old acquaintances. His throat vibrated a moan without his consent, and Tessa smiled under the kiss, nibbling at his bottom lip softly. He took a deep breath, holding on to his last shred of senses not to have her right there on his bed.

Some knocks on the door took them out of their world, and made them terminate the kiss. Rylen was calling them from outside the cottage.

“I must go.” Tessa said rather breathless, with red swollen lips and dark eyes.

“Regrettably.” He remarked, taking one of her hands in his and kissing her knuckles. “But Rylen wouldn’t leave us alone.”

“I know”, she chuckled, her hand still in his. He pulled her to him again, and kissed her one more time before she left. With a charming smirk on her face, she bid him good night and left his cottage, passing by Rylen and, casting him one more glance, she disappeared into the darkness of night.

“You kissed her, didn’t you?” Rylen asked as soon as he saw him.

Cullen smiled and nodded, feeling happiness spread for the first time after a very long time.

“How was it?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Well why not?” Rylen insisted, doing his best sad-mabari-pup face. “Just a small detail, friend. Come on.”

“It was simply perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that happened. Finally. YAY


	13. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Haven celebrates, the advisors plan the Herald's next mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Err, I guess the update took longer than expected again. Sorry!  
> Short chapter, and I'm already working on the next one. Hope this time it won't take that long haha

Haven celebrated the Herald’s return. She was now loved by all, for how easily she could mingle with other people, her willingness to communicate to everyone, the laughter that came effortless to her. She was dancing around the fire with an elven child on her arms under the sound of lutes and clapping hands from the people around. The child was laughing hysterically under Tessa’s tickles, and everyone was smiling at the humility and simplicity she poured.

Cullen was watching her from afar, leaned against his cottage’s door, his arms crossed over his chest. A shy smile curled up in the corner of his lips every time he looked at her since they kissed. He felt frustrated for not having the chance of kissing her again, as they could never found a time or a place to be alone with each other, and he did not had the guts to do it in public – he did not even know whether she would agree to that. Only Rylen knew what had happened between them – teasing him at every opportunity –, Cullen was certain of that. If she had told any of her companions, things would not be as calm as they were, _someone_ would eventually make a comment or a teasing joke about it. _Especially Varric, Sera and Vivienne_.

Perhaps she wanted to keep things secret. It was no one’s business but theirs, after all. However… every time the thought crossed his mind, he had a brief confidence crisis, believing she did not share anything to anyone because she wanted nothing more with him. It seemed, though, as if she knew he was having such thoughts and made a personal mission of shaking them off his head. She touched him every moment she could, making it seem as an innocent touch or an unpretentious bump, and he knew – he hoped for – it was more than just that. She was always making him feel more comfortable and confident with himself, even if she did not know yet.

The sun began its exodus and dusk came softly upon them, reminding him of the war council planned for the first moon after Tessa’s arrival. Cullen saw her putting the child on the floor, excusing herself, smiling bright to everyone. He decided to walk slowly in the hopes she would catch up to him, so they could walk together to the Chantry, with his hands crossed on his back. As he climbed the steps leisurely, he saw her bouncing jolly at his side, still grinning.

“Good evening, Commander”, she greeted him with those big blue eyes, now turned indigo due to the lack of light.

“Good evening, Herald.” He said with a crooked smile, noticing how she watched his scar. Cullen let his hands fall to his sides, and let his fingers brush softly against the skin of her arm. She chuckled, realising he tried to reach for her fingers but ignored the difference of height between them. “I don’t think it worked very well, did it?”

“No”, she giggled, trying to cover up her smile with the other hand. “Do you think we…?” She stopped herself from completing the phrase, and he saw Leliana leaving her tent and walking towards the Chantry. “Wanna meet me later?” She asked in a hurried whisper.

“Always”, he muttered in response.

“Herald, Commander.” Leliana greeted as she caught up with them, “How was the homecoming?”

“So good!” Tessa said merrily, “You two should’ve joined us. I’m certain the people would’ve loved your presence.”

“I think the Commander and I have to keep our tough appearances.” Leliana jested.

They chatted idly while making their way to the war room, finding Josephine and Cassandra already waiting for them. Quickly they took their places around the table, and started the meeting.

Tessa already knew Cullen had put all his efforts in finding where the Templars were stationed. Leliana and Josephine were working tirelessly to get influence and gather favours from the most powerful houses of the Orlesian nobility, to convince Lord Seeker Lucius to meet with the Inquisition, if that was going to be the Herald’s will. Of course, the fact that she belonged to the nobility of the Free Marches and came from the most influential family in Ostwick helped their case. They did not know if she would prefer to head back to the Hinterlands and seek help from her fellow mages, but the advisers were determined to give her every piece of information they could collect, no matter her choice.

“Have you decided, Herald?” Cassandra asked straight to the point, “Mages or Templars?”

Cullen watched her breathe in slowly, as if preparing for what was coming.

“As much as I personally hate this”, she looked at every one of them in the eyes, “I think we should seek the Templars’ aid.” That definitely took them by surprise as Tessa leaned over the table to study the map. “I know the most practical thing to do here is to go to Redcliffe and ask the mages for help, but I agree with the Commander when he says the Breach needs to be _weakened_. We can’t afford the risk of making it stronger.”

“Are you sure?” Josephine asked.

“Yes.” Tessa declared conclusively. “Is there a plan?”

“We have received word from a knight-recruit.” Cullen stated resting his hands on the hilt of his sword. “They are gathered at Therinfal Redoubt, in Ferelden.”

“It is vacate for ages.” Cassandra muttered. “Why go there?”

“We need to speak with the Lord Seeker”, Josephine said, searching for some of her annotations on her clipboard, “then we’ll ask him.”

“Maybe if we show him a concrete plan to close the Breach, he’ll address to us.” Tessa said pensively, looking at the Ambassador. “But he wants status.”

“Then we shall give him status. The Inquisition will approach him after combining forces with some of the most powerful houses in Orlais. They will come with us to Therinfal, and demand action from the Templar Order to aid us and close the Breach.”

“Do you believe that will work?” Cullen asked.

“Even the Lord Seeker will have a hard time ignoring so many complaining nobles on his doorstep.” Cassandra said with a crooked grin.

“Especially if led by the Herald of Andraste.” Leliana said mischievously, holding back a smile.

“Alright, I’m listening.” Tessa sighed, balancing her weight from one leg to the other.

“The rumours that you were saved from the Fade by Andraste had spread exponentially among the Templars.”

“We’ve done our part in encouraging them.” Josephine assured.

“A Herald coming to the Lord Seeker knocking on his door, followed by a herd of nobles will be taken into account, as well as the Inquisition power and influence.”

“Isn’t there the smallest chance of the Lord Seeker consider my arrival a threat?” Tessa asked with eyebrows slightly raised.

“I have considered the Lord Seeker a reasonable man before. Now I cannot know.” Cassandra stated, crossing her arms.

“We do not need the Lord Seeker, we need the Templars.” Cullen reminded them, “His approval is not required. The Breach won’t wait for us to solve our problems.”

“And the nobility will be there to guarantee it.” Josephine said.

With tea and biscuits, they discussed the many details of their plan for what seemed two or three long hours, snatching a yawn from Leliana, making Josephine almost sit on the table, Cassandra leaning against the wall, and Tessa massaging her own shoulders. Cullen stood on his feet, still and straight, his hands resting on the pommel of his sword or on his leather belt. The years as a Templar gave him resolute posture, even under exhaustion, the frequent headaches, and the desire of training or just running away.

As the night grew darker outside and the candlelights made their eyes ache, Tessa suggested to adjourn the meeting until they had proper rest. Noticing that Cassandra was about to open the door and that Tessa was following her closely, Cullen thought that maybe that was the only moment present or future – if they send her back to the road soon – he could be alone with her again, even if just a little.

"Herald?" He called her, trying to look as formal and professional as possible. She turned to him, letting Leliana and Josephine leave the room.

"There are some details I still like to discuss with you before you head back to your quarters." _Maker, all of them must have noticed the terrible liar I am._

"Oh." Her voice was husky and weak out of fatigue, and he regretted immediately for making her wait to sleep.

She said a polite "good night" for those who were leaving and closed the door slowly. While she was with her back turned to him, he gawked her, maybe more intensely than before, taking a step getting closer. Her curves well hidden due to the layers of clothes she was wearing; her hair falling over her shoulders and tied up in a loose ponytail; he admired how short she was next to him, her thin arms reaching for the door, and her small and smooth hands that a few days prior were on him.

"Stay like this", he asked. She obeyed and took a deep breath.

With few steps, he reached her. He ran his calloused hands hidden under his leather gloves on Tessa's shoulder and, reaching the collar of her coat, pulled sideways, sliding them through her shoulders. He levelled and folded the piece of clothing before putting it on the corner of the table, and turned back to her. Cullen began to press her tense shoulders weakly, realizing then how much stress she was on lately. Adding pressure to his thumbs, he rubbed her shoulder blades, running the other fingers through the muscles above. Kneaded them in continuous circles, forth – to the clavicles – and back – to the small her back. Tessa was softened by his touch, her head hung from a side and to the other, allowing herself to relax under the rhythm he was imposing with his hands, but she raised her arms to tie her hair in a bun. With that encouragement, he dedicated his attentions to her neck, stroking the cervical carefully through every vertebra and neck muscle.

A strong will to kiss that angle between her neck and shoulder rose inside him as suddenly as a chill in a cold day. He tried to resist the best he could, massaging arms, and he found himself there, his lips glued to her, listening to the sound of a smooth and secret moan that came from her throat. He lowered himself enough to make their hands meet and their fingers interlocked automatically.

"I think it worked now", she whispered while turning her head opposite to his as an invite. He smiled and followed her elegant neckline with his mouth, trailing her skin with sweet and loving kisses while pressing her shoulders.

"How are you?" He asked close to her ear, not daring to do any more than that as he rose to his vertical posture.

"I’m better now", she said under a heavy breath. She turn around under Cullen’s hands, wrapping her arms around his waist, and looked at him with those eyes that made him breathless. "Kiss me?"

He joyfully bowed again, with a hand up to the back of her head and the other sliding to the small of her back, pulling her as close to him as he felt her tightening their embrace. They kissed for long minutes, unwilling to break apart. Her tongue had a sweet heat to it, the taste of the tea Tessa had taken moments before, which only incited him more and made him deepen the kiss. When he felt her hands inside his coat searching for the hem of his tunic, he knew right then all his blood would run south and would accumulate in his penis, what actually happened when her nails scratched his skin tenderly. She definitely felt that he was hard, and he tried to put some distance between his hips and hers. She held him tightly, reluctant, but took her hands from where they were, and finished the affection with a quick kiss. She rested her head on Cullen’s chest – his breastplate, actually – and let out a gasp as soft as the kiss they shared. He was extremely embarrassed to have stiffened, but she did not seem to care about his erection trapped between them. He perched his chin on the top of her head and could not hold back the sigh that came from within, as he stroked Tessa’s back and hair.

"Sorry for making you stay here longer", he whispered.

"It was worth it", she giggled lightly, "You are a great masseur."

He chuckled. "That’s it?"

"Oh, yes. I’m not telling anything more than that so you don’t get smug."

His laughter joined hers, and he placed a gentle kiss on Tessa lips once more, gave her coat back before they left the room, and went their separate ways to their cottages.

Cullen lied on his bed after changing and stared at the ceiling, focused on the silence without Rylen there, probably at the brothel. Bending an arm over his forehead while his other hand lied resting on his stomach, he considered everything that was happening. Would it be safe to send anyone blindly to Therinfal Redoubt? The Inquisition’s intelligence failed when found nothing but the news about the location of the Templars coming from the knight-recruit. It was as if they were prisoners without permission to communicate with anyone outside. His recent involvement with the Herald only made everything worse the more he thought about it.

_Andraste preserve me. Where am I sending Tessa?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, hope you enjoyed! Tell me want you think :D


	14. The Herald's Reminisce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald remembers her childhood as she struggles to come to terms with her duties. The Commander makes an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A billion times sorry! Things got a little confused in my life, so I couldn't post it earlier. Tomorrow I will bring a new chapter to make it up to you. And there will be smut \o/
> 
> So, let's get to it, shall we?

Haven was immersed in sleep, snow and stars. However, unlike the small, quiet village, she was awake and apprehensive that night, and instead of getting back to her bed, she sneaked out the cottage, tiptoeing as she walked away from the tiny hut.

When she was a child back in Ostwick, after getting into fights with her brothers, Tessa used to climb the largest tree in the summer gardens of her family’s estate and stayed there to the point where the reason why she did so slipped her mind. She often got distracted by the birds and the flowers, by the bright colours of the city extending far beyond the walls, by the tunes coming from the city’s square, and by the desire of simply getting lost in between that ocean of people. Once she even escaped the estate by that same tree, and managed to jump onto the outside wall, when Gregory and James spotted her during her mischief. She remembered seeing Gregory running back to the house to stop anyone from coming out – which she discovered later –, while James ran out the gates and waited for her.

“Jump!” He said with arms open and stretched out to her.

If there was anyone she would trust her life, it was James. She jumped, and he held her tight. James scolded her just as their mother would, but he took her to the city in the end. There she fell in love with the market and its explosion of scents - citrus, sweet, floral, the scent of sea salt that the wind brought –, with the taverns and its melodies – some common, others that told of love stories and more about incredible battles that happened a thousand years before – with clothing stores and their colours.

And in the centre of the square, under the watchful eyes of the crowd, there was a minstrel. A tall, dark man with raven hair, pearly skin, eyes like olives. He was charming; Tessa could see that even at her young age, and the gasps and whispers of women around confirmed. The minstrel also fascinated some of the men, including James. The minstrel had bewitched all for his undeniable charm, but Tessa paid attention to his voice and his fingers on the lute.

She insisted that James took her more times in the square and in one the afternoon, in the peak of Ostwick autumn, she gathered just enough courage to talk to the minstrel. His name was Oliver, but she was sure that this was not his real name – perhaps a mockery, a joke inspired by his eyes, in which he hid his identity. He was a wanderer, living on the road, and wherever he went, he conquered the folk of the cities. "It definitely makes the gold flow," he said with a smug smile on his face. Ostwick was the place where he had stayed longer. He was captivated by the life that the city offered, it seemed, and shades of yellow and orange autumn certainly helped. After much conversation afternoons, Oliver offered to teach her his art, his gift. Of course she was delighted with the offer, but had no way to get a lute without her parents knowing that she and James were sneaking out of the walls of the mansion without permission. James had his way, as he always did. The other brothers rallied and they managed to smuggle the instrument into Tessa’s room. In the first class, Oliver offered to take care of her lute, so she would not get caught. And he cared for it all the time he was in Ostwick.

Oliver became a friend, maybe even another brother to Tessa. He protected her from the drunks and the ill-meaning men and taught many things beyond music. None of the things he taught were things that a noble girl should know, for they were too trivial, too dirty. However, she really did not care, she always had a good time with Oliver, and Oliver with her. She knew he also had a great affection for her and that he considered her family. Her brothers also got very close to him, as they had to take turns not to raise suspicions in the house.

After several months, her mother found out about the agreement between them. She marched with four guards into the tavern during one of Tessa’s lessons and caused a scene worthy of dramatic opera. She pulled the girl away from the minstrel, broke her lute while one of the guards held Frederick – who was with Tessa at the time – and the other three dragged Oliver out of the building. Lady Adelaide made her children watch while the guards beat Oliver and she was indifferent to the girl’s cries. She demanded him to get out of Ostwick or he would have to choose between his fingers, his tongue or his life.

During the night, Tessa woke with a weak bang against her window. She went to her balcony, and saw Oliver waving his hand, his face swollen and almost unrecognizable from the beating. She tried to make him go away, and he did, but not before pointing to a corner in the wall and said goodbye with a hand gesture, blowing her a kiss. The next morning, she went up to the place he had indicated, and there was his lute with a small piece of torn paper and a sloppy letter:

_Dear Tessa,_

_I'm sorry that our classes have ended this way. Know that even if you are a very annoying brat I admire you very much. I say goodbye to you here, for I have reason to think that if your mother sees me again she will fulfil her promise._

_I do not have much to offer you in return for all the love you gave me, but I can give you the only thing I have. My lute. Take good care of her or I’ll be back especially to pull your ears so badly you’ll be mistaken for an elf. Kidding (or not)._

_Thank you. Do not get into trouble, little sister._

_Yours,_

_O._

Now, after years, she still had the lute and she was again climbing a tree. With difficulty, it is true, but maybe it was because she was a little higher than when I was a child and a little less flexible. The sweet memory that was Oliver in her childhood had filled her with longing for one of the best times of her life, despite her mother. She always had a strange way of showing affection, even at that time. Tessa finally managed to settle on one of the branches of the tree and noticed that an opposite tree branch formed an almost symmetrical arch over the road below leading to the frozen lake. She watched the shades of blue, white and black. _And green. This hole gives no rest_. Her head ached just thinking about all the trouble left to close the blighted Breach. _Oh, the Templars. It only gets better. Maker, give me strength to endure_.

"Hey, what are you doing up there?"

A nasally and shrilly voice asked down below, so sudden that Tessa gasped and almost lost her balance. She had to hold on tightly to the branch to not fall in the cold and frozen ground.

"Sera?" She looked down, noticing the elf laughing, as she would put a hand on her chest to steady her breath, "Do not do it."

"Do not do what? Talk to you?" She asked, rising fast and silent like a cat in the tree up front, just on the other half of the arch. Tessa did not answer and instead let out a disapproving noise. "Taking advantage of the excellent cold night air, is it?"

"Not exactly," Tessa said, turning to contemplate the lake, "I could not sleep. And cold air has never been _excellent_."

"Oh yeah, you are one of those of fire. Sometimes you act so normal that I forget that you do those things. "

"'Those things'? Magic?"

"Yeah. Mages scare people, but you are not scary."

"Thanks. I guess…" Tessa laughed humorously, "You know, I'm a normal person. I do not 'act' normal. And do not forget that this land of yours is utterly cold no matter what.”

"Yeah, okay," Sera said, "I know you are and I know Ferelden isn’t. But magic..." She quivered hard, as if to spook something, so hard she made Tessa worry she would fall, but the mage laughed. "Why are you laughing?"

"I’m laughing at you," Tessa continued, "you are afraid of magic."

"I'm not _afraid_ of magic," Sera corrected, "I have enough respect to keep away. If you cannot shoot arrows, so its stupid mess with it, innit? I like normal. There is nothing normal in magic."

"Who knew, Sera likes normal."

"Of course. I like things I can see and touch, that I know I can hit with arrows. Not like Andraste, but it's different, yeah? Faith and such. I can’t see magic. "

"Here," Tessa raised her right hand and made a small fireball dance on the palm, "you can see that, can you not?"

"Yes, I'm not blind," Sera said irritably, "I meant that I don’t know how you do it, you just do. I know how I hold my bow, and how Cassandra and Blackwall wield a shield, and Bull strikes with that big axe of his. But I don’t know how you mages do magic. I don’t know how it bloody works."

"I think I understand," she said quietly, "then you are afraid of what you do not understand?"

"It's like this Breach. This whole Fade stuff, spirits, demons ... ah!" She shook her arms, frustrated, "I just want it all to end so I can go back to my normal thingies, hitting noble bastards, stealing breeches."

"That's what you were doing before the Inquisition?"

"I had the pranks too. We can’t forget the pranks. "

"Oh, yes... I did not appreciate that one with the horses. It slowed us one day."

"Yeah, that one was not well planned. Sorry. So what are you doing here at this hour? I didn’t expect your nobility hide climbing trees. Though I should not be so surprised, yeah?"

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, that night in the tavern."

"Maker’s breath, that was almost two months ago, when will you forget?"

"Haha, I don’t know. It was really fun. You should be drunk more often. You are a fun drunk."

"Oh great. Thanks for the compliment."

"You're welcome. You didn’t answered. "

"What?"

"Why are you here, on top of a tree, staring at a bloody frozen lake in the middle of the night?"

"Oh, that. I said I couldn’t sleep."

"Why not?"

Sera had her flaws. She was rude, spoke too loud, only thought of the fun and immediate, without caring much about the consequences. But Tessa started to care about her, perhaps because she reminded her so much of Oliver. And she also knew she could count on Sera if she needed.

"I'm worried about what's to come."

"You mean with the Templars?" Sera probed, "You're right to get worried. Those there hate mages. But I think they will respect you. Herald of Andraste and all."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, but if they get the order, they will try to kill you in a heartbeat." This sincerity was one of the things that Tessa liked about the elf – most of the times.

"Wonderful."

* * *

Surprisingly, Cullen woke up feeling genuinely rested. He stretched from head to toe revelling with the sensation that stretching gave him and stood up for the day. He made his morning hygiene quickly before throwing a pillow at Rylen and to wake him up for the day.

"That brothel is killing you," he said reproachfully.

"No, friend," said Rylen drowsy, slipping out of bed, "it’s keeping me alive."

"I can see that."

"Not all of us can live as disciplined as you do. And get in fact the woman you desire."

"I told you that the Seeker does not bite."

"Ah, but I hope she does. Haha!"

Rolling his eyes, Cullen left the cottage and briefly walked through the training camp where one of his lieutenants oversaw the recruits. In the distance, he heard laughter, peculiar and familiar, coming from central campfire. He knew almost all the inner circle of the Herald gathered there for meals, including some of her closest scouts, as Harding. Leliana and Josephine were also there occasionally. Adan was a rare presence, but sometimes was also there. Leliana, Cassandra, Varric and Tessa had already asked him a few times to join them, but he always refused. Avoid socializing was an unsaid rule that he had since the events of the Circle Tower and Kirkwall. He hoped that people would stop inviting him for any social event or even engage a conversation, but by the Maker, he was wrong.

Leliana met him when he was serving in the Circle, and since then has tried some tricks to make him open up to others; once she came close. Cassandra insisted more vigorously. Varric on one occasion told him that smiling was good for his health, and be with other people helped in task. And Tessa...

Much has changed regarding Tessa. When she arrived, she was just the unfortunate survivor of the blast on the Temple of Sacred Ashes, inconveniently a mage. Then the Herald of Andraste. She became an essential member of the Inquisition, and even then he did not care to talk to her. He didn’t need to know her to satisfy the needs of his flesh, but as she approached, he began to realise nuances of her that he had never seen – perhaps much for his lack of interest. Her concern, her ever-light mood, her care with everyone, including him – that was not even friendly during their occasional conversations; the chessboard she had given him was a cheap shot. Almost immediately after meeting her, when she was away, his thoughts accompanied her. His concentration, his easiness to work, everything that usually kept him sane were gone along with her. _And now, after kissing her... Andraste preserve me_... Not that he was in love, he was not. But he was sure he was walking a dangerous path, blindfolded and with a stupid grin on his face.

Tessa caught him staring at her. Quickly he felt that infamous blush creeping up his neck to the tips of his ears. She flashed him a smirk, leaning to the left, and that was the best view he could get in the morning. He smiled back, but he was sure he was not half as graceful as she was. After he began to pay attention to what was around her, he realized she was seated between Cassandra and Josephine, with a red covered book in her lap. She and Cassandra wore an intense shade of red on their features and so breathless they made him frown. Josephine covered a livid laugh with her hands.

"Curly, come here!" He heard Varric calling happily, "Join us for once in life, would you? It won’t kill you. "

Snorting, Cullen accepted the invitation this time – maybe it was the best thing to do, given the way he stood in front of them, just staring – and headed for the vacant seat next to the Iron Bull. He greeted all of those around the fire and sat down, after getting a mug of tea and a piece of hard bread.

"So you're a Templar, huh?" The Qunari asked staring at him with his one eye.

"I was," he corrected, "and how do you know that?”

"Right. Ben-Hassrath. You can get out of Order, but the Order does not leave you. "

"What you mean?"

"Everything about you screams 'Templar', Commander. You don’t need to use your shining armour when training your soldiers to protect themselves behind the shield like a Templar for me to realise that you are... I mean, _was_ a Templar."

Cullen continued the conversation with Bull, while Blackwall joined as they argued about the types of weapons that a warrior could use more effectively. Occasionally, he casted glances at Tessa, at the opposite end of the circle around the fire, but she kept herself entertained with that book, with Josephine taking it off her hand and widening her eyes to the page content, hiding her open mouth with a hand. It was too far for him to see the title and, after a while, he simply gave up the attempt. He realised how nice it was to be in that circle, to hear the laughter and to share a meal.

But that only made the feeling of uncertainty about the next mission of the Herald strangle him. He did not know what was going on Therinfal, and uncertainty weighed on his chest as he watched Tessa and their companions there, so at ease with each other, in harmony, and with such complicity. It hurt to think of the magnitude of what they were doing and the burden they carried.

He got up, excusing and approached Leliana, whispering in her ear that he needed the war council to convene. Upon doing the same with Tessa, Josephine and Cassandra, who were still laughing together at red book – this time with more discretion and carefully controlling their breath – he realized that they were not noticing that he was next. Tessa looked up to where he was sitting, and when she did not spotted him she looked around. Only then she noticed how close he was, pulled the book from Cassandra back, and sat on it, making Cullen frown curiously.

"Commander!" She said, breathing hard, trying to mask her surprise playing coy.

"Ladies," he greeted, decided not to comment on the book, "I need your presence in the war room when you can."

"All right, Commander," said Josephine, rising to her feet with noble posture, "we have time now, don't we?"

"Yes, of course," Cassandra said with Tessa nodding beside him, "go ahead. We, um... we have to..."

"Solve something," Tessa laughed softly, "right?"

"Yes. We'll be there in a few minutes."

He made a brief bow and spun on his heels, following Leliana and Josephine to the war room, as he heard the giggles of the other two behind him fading away. As he walked, his mind was racing, calculating the risks, thinking about strategies and best courses of action, and always came to the same conclusion.

They waited a few minutes until Tessa and Cassandra arrived. They were no longer red or panting, but in their most elegant poises, and he lingered to contemplate Tessa, perhaps more than he should.

"So, Commander," Josephine began, and Cullen rested his hands on the pommel of his sword, "what happened?"

"Well," he took a deep breath, paying attention to the map on the table to not face the gaze of any of the women, "I thought a lot about our last meeting, and the more I try, I cannot fully agree with the plan we draw."

"How so?" Cassandra asked.

"It's a big risk for anyone to go to a fortress blind. Send a mage to fortress blind and full of Templars does not make sense. It is dangerous for her..." He trailed off, finding Tessa looking at him attentively across the table and continued, "...and also for her companions. They can be seen as accomplices. I am not convinced that the Templars will want to simply negotiate with them."

"We know it is a risk..." Leliana started, but he did not let her finish.

"Are you sure we should take that risk, Leliana?" He exploded, raising his voice, as he watched Sister Nightingale, "Tes... _The Herald_ is the only one who can close the Rifts and, without her, the Breach will continue. Maker knows what would happen. "

"All right," he heard Tessa's calm and sweet voice and glimpsed her again, "what do you suggest, Cullen?"

"I was a Templar," he sighed, "I know how to handle them. If you allow me, Herald, I would go to Therinfal Redoubt with your group."

"Oh!" She exclaimed with an expression of genuine surprise, unable to decide whom to look. Her pink lips were partially separated, her tongue licked quickly, and she bit her lower lip nervously, "I think... if you are sure…"

"I am, my Lady."

"Then yes, I need all the help I can get."

"It's decided then," the Ambassador concluded, "Commander, hurry up to prepare. Their group leaves within two nights."


	15. By the stream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [NSFW]
> 
> The Inquisition travels to Therinfal Redoubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, as promised, here's another chapter for you. And this one has smuuuuuuuut, yay!  
> A chocolate cookie to the one who spots the Led Zeppelin reference :)  
>  
> 
> Major thanks to my dear friend Yuri, who is saving my life with the translations! Hip hip hurray!

It had been almost three weeks since they were on the road, with Varric complaining about every weather change, Vivienne telling some gossip she heard from the court, Sera making some indelicate remark or prank, Solas trying to instruct her about the elves, Bull and Blackwall talking about their romantic feats, Cassandra rolling her eyes and snorting with disgust as she heard them. Cullen and Tessa tried to spend as much time together as possible without raising suspicion, trying to act as naturally as they could. That was when she and Cassandra were not isolated in a corner giggling and blushing at their red book, allowing nobody’s approach. Once he tried to ask Tessa about what that blighted book was, and she said that it was a secret. When he asked Cassandra, the answer was the same in a ruder version. He tried to ask the Iron Bull, but he just said it was "Tevinter crap", not dwelling on it. Sometime after, Cullen simply gave up.

For the secret encounters with Tessa, they developed a system. They pretended they were going to discuss private negotiation strategies, scout the area, or visit some of the village’s shops. Best of all, they were so good at disguising and acting naturally that no one questioned or doubted their actions, no matter how suspicious they were.

Cullen could then see some traces of her intimately: when she was apprehensive, she bit her lower lip or played with the tip of her hair; when she was introspective, she hid somewhere in order not to be disturbed and told no one where she was going; when she got angry, she was extremely ironic and cynical, so she would not screaming at anyone; when she was tired, she looked for a hill and there she would even doze; when she was happy, she made a point of showing and sharing with others. She kept getting letters from her older brother, but Cullen never saw her reply. Maybe she would do it when she was isolated; a way she found to deal with how much she missed her family. It reminded him of his own family, his sisters, and his brother, and so one day he decided to write them. The first letter was short and too formal, the second long and tiring. He sent the third, which was in an acceptable size and written in a more appropriate way. He sighed and sent one of his crows to South Reach to reach his siblings.

The afternoon was at its peak, the sun shone through the leaves of the trees, casting small, beautiful bundles of light to the grass covered with dew. In that region, near Ostagar, the winter was not as severe as in the Frostback Basin, where the snow was dense and it was simply too cold. It _was_ cold, of course, but it was pleasant cold, one that did not freeze the bones. Cullen was away from the camp, scouting with some soldiers as he passed them the necessary instructions for a good patrol and the search for needed supplies. He taught them about the importance of always having elfroot at hand, and being careful with handling felandris, not to end with a skin rash. He had the soldiers scout the woods for whatever they thought was necessary to keep the camp and to aid their travel. He even hunted three rams for dinner – he tried to capture a nug, but the beast was too fast for him in his full armour. _Maybe another time_. As he gathered his prizes into a pile carefully so as not to ruin the flesh, he heard a roar coming from the northwest from where he had sent one of the soldiers. He released the last of the rams and ran through trees, jumping stones, sword wielded and shield secured around his arm.

The soldier was leaning against a huge stone in a corner with no way out, his arm dripping slimy, dark blood, escaping the fingers of the hand pressing against the wound. His gaze was one of pure terror as he pointed to something behind Cullen as the cause of the injury. He gawked at the sight of a great bear with its long, grey hair as the animal stood on two legs, easily surpassing his height in what looked like meters. He ordered the soldier to hide and took a deep breath. _Well… shit._

He neither attacked the bear nor did the bear attack him, after descending to its four legs. They studied each other, looking for weak spots. The bear stepped forward, but Cullen swerved to the right, one feet after the other, and steady on the ground as a root. He took advantage of the exposed flank and attacked the beast with two quick movements before the animal turned to try to strike him hard. Luckily, he chose the right side, as the shield protected his left from the ferocious blow. He had to hold it tight so that the shield did not slip from his arm. He ran away, adjusting the shield on his forearm, and turning his shoulders to make them more comfortable. He took a deep breath and smiled. He was in battle again, after all.

The bear flung himself against him again, and once more, he deviated from the blow, relentlessly attacking one of the bear's posterior legs, to deprive the beast from one of its support, and slow it down. The animal screamed in pain and stumbled as it tried to turn, but forced the other paws to stand. Cullen hopped to keep warm and swung his sword at the shield to provoke the bear, never letting that smirk die on his face. _Fuck bureaucratic work_ , he thought as he watched the bear approach. He threw himself aside in an acrobatic flip, leaving the animal confused, and he rained down on it with a violent thrust of his sword that sank deep into its core. The creature yelled and trembled so intensely that Cullen lost control of his hand, and let go of the sword, which was stuck in the bear as he himself was thrown aside in a disorderly combination of flesh and metal. The animal screamed deafeningly and shook its head from side to side, kicking in the wind, seeking to hit him with a beastly vengeance. The bear was close, and he had to get up quickly to block it with the shield, dodging when he could, and fleeing to the other side at the first opportunity. He spat aside the metallic taste the blood left in his mouth, pulled out one of his hidden daggers, and whistled. The bear turned, consumed by the smell of blood and death. It growled, screamed, and advanced thirsty, hungry. Cullen smiled red and with a graceful wrist movement, the dagger flew and buried itself to the holt in the animal's left eye. The huge bear fell on its paws forward, crumbling, dead, only two steps from Cullen.

He threw the shield on the ground and turned to his soldier, who gasped wide-eyed.

"Commander," he began in gasps, "I did not know you fought like that."

"Yes, well..." Cullen laughed lightly as he searched for the cut under so much blood on the soldier's arm, "Templar training."

"Fuck. Ahh! "He exclaimed in pain.

"Sorry. But ‘fuck’?”

"If all the Templars fight like that, we're fucked."

Cullen gave the soldier an annoyed look, but he knew he was right. If the training remained the same, and if what was left of the Order was willing to attack them under their shelter, then they really were fucked.

"What the hell happened here?"

Tessa and two other soldiers were running up to them. She slowed almost completely when she saw the bear lying on the ground. She raised her hands to her partially open mouth, wide-eyed as they blended into an expression of horror and concern.

"Cullen...?" She looked up at him as she walked toward him. Then she looked at the bloody soldier and uttered a paradoxically low squeal, "Answer me, what happened?"

"Lady Herald," the soldier began in a trembling voice, "I came looking for supplies, but I did not know this was the territory of a great bear."

"Oh, Maker. Are you all right?" She asked crouching beside him.

"I've been better," he replied squirming under her touch.

"What's your name, soldier?"

"Winfred, Lady Herald."

"Very well," she said with concentrated eyes, "Winfred, I know a spell that will close that wound. After that, you will just need to clean and ingest a bit of blood lotus. Do you authorize me to use this spell? "

The soldier nodded, and Cullen watched closely as Tessa closed her eyes to focus and murmured words almost inaudible and incomprehensible to his ear. She moved her hands gracefully over the length of the wound, knowing exactly where it began and where it ended, even without seeing. A soft gleam danced from her hands to Winfred's soft skin, and as the glow died away, the skin was new. Cullen and Winfred were watching that event equally astonished, both observing her use magic for the first time as she finished closing the cut. _What a beautiful way to do magic_.

"There," she opened her eyes smiling at the soldier, and helped him up.

"Thank you, my lady, thank you," he said, kissing Tessa's hands, making her chuckle bashfully.

"You're welcome. Just be more careful," she said, and turning to the other soldiers, added, "Take him back to camp. If any of you have collected blood lotus, now is time to give him, just one flower. Winfred, only one, understand? Tomorrow you do the same and then you do not have to anymore. This will make your blood run to replenish what you've lost. If you eat more than one, you will have a heart attack. "

"All right, Lady Herald. Thank you."

"Sorry, Winfred," Cullen had to speak, tapping him weakly on the shoulder, "I should’ve known."

"Don’t worry, Commander," the soldier smiled, "you came and protected me. That is what a leader does. "

"Herald, Commander, are you coming?" One of the soldiers asked them.

"Not yet," she replied, "I need to speak to the Commander for a moment. Go ahead."

She was still crouched where she casted her spell, her head slightly bowed, and took a deep breath. Tessa rose slowly, turning toward him, staring into his eyes.

"You sent him here?"

"Yes, I..." He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, "I sent the soldiers to look for supplies for the camp. I was not warned about the existence of a great bear here. Had I known, I would never have separated the group. "

"Maker," she snorted, "this could have ended terribly... Cullen!"

Her eyes suddenly got wider and one of her hands raised to her mouth again as the other reached out for him. He looked down and found himself covered in blood.

"It's not mine," he assured her quietly.

"Are you sure?" She touched him and turned him restlessly, searching for some hidden source for all that blood.

"Yes, Tessa," he said, holding her by the shoulders to keep her quiet. He contemplated those big blue eyes, and only then realized how extraordinarily dressed she was. A light beige linen waistcoat covered her dark purple tunic, black trousers covered her legs and brown ankle-high boots with laces protected her small feet. A navy blue cape was wrapped around her body, and the hood was up, covering her head. A long red braid hung at her side, and he remembered that earlier Sera was brushing Tessa's hair. Cullen gently pulled the hood down, revealing that intense colour that touched her so deeply and sighed.

"Maker... you are so beautiful..." She smiled and crushed against his armour, clutching him in a hug, "You're going to get yourself hurt."

“I don’t care," she squeezed him harder, "I was afraid you might have gotten hurt."

"I did," she then raised her head and those eyes were worried again as he chuckled, "in the mouth."

"Well, that's convenient," she slapped him on the arm and walked away smiling, even under his protests, "Come on, you need your sword back."

He nodded and pulled the dagger from the bear's eye, which came out with a goofy sound and reluctant to disconnect from the nerves. Tessa made a noise that expressed disgust and turned away. He threw its eye out and went to get his sword, which came out quick and effortless. After he cleaned the two weapons and sheathed them, he felt Tessa pulling him by the arm.

“Come here!”

“Where are we going?”

“Just come, grumpy.”

He chuckled and followed her, defeated. They strode around the forest, holding each other’s hands, and Cullen felt a sense of happiness, small as it was, when he realised that at least there, in between the trees and the wind, they did not need to hide the nature of their relationship. The forest would keep their secret. Tessa took him to a clearing near a crackling brook, where the songbirds sang higher and clearer, and the sun shone brighter. Colourful flowers blossomed, and wild nugs and hallas drank from the water.

“What is this place?” He asked fascinated.

“I don’t know. It is a clearing I found not long ago. I was coming here when I saw the soldiers running.”

She pointed at a rock for him to sit near the stream, and took a piece of cloth out of one of her trousers pockets. She damped it with the water, and started to rub clean his bloody gloves.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your hands.” Tessa said casually.

“I think you have.” Cullen chortled.

“Well, whenever you don’t have your gloves on, I have more important things to paid attention to.” She whispered mischievously.

“You can take them off, if you like.”

She watched him closely, and lowered her gaze to his hands to remove the thick leather gloves. When she finished, she admired his rough hands resting on her small and delicate ones, with that green glow trembling. Tessa kissed each one of his knuckles, caressed his palms, and then went her way to wash the blood from his gloves. She knelt before the brook, concentrated, and he found himself walking towards her. He went down on one knee at her side and held her hands with only one of his. The other extended to her jaw and turned her face gently. He moved closer, his hand sliding up to her hair, and he leaned forward enough for his lips to brush against hers, but he did not kiss her. She forced herself forward to reach him, but he held her and recoiled a little, grinning. He ran his lips lightly over hers, without kissing her, and then made his tongue wander from one side to the other, as light as a cloud. She had released her hands from his grip, but she did not try to pull him to her as she usually did. Instead, she grabbed his arm in the portion without armour, and clenched her fingers on his muscle. She sighed heavily, and he giggled, satisfied with the teasing. Then with his free hand he gently – but firmly – held her lower back and began to push her slowly over the gravels on the bank of the river. He neglected everything around him, and only Tessa mattered as he lay on top of her. He slid his hand from her lower back to her waist and kissed her. Tongue-to-tongue, the music they played was the best he had ever heard. She turned her head just a little, and intensified the kiss in such a way that a strangled sound of delight escape the throat of one of them. She shifted beneath him, and then he realized that he was crushing her with his armour and stood up a little, without interrupting the kiss. Tessa made a noise of complaint and pulled him back by the collar of his coat, biting his bottom lip hard. He moaned in pain and pulled back his lip, which was beginning to throb.

"Sorry," she said, "you teased me..."

"I know... it's what I wanted."

He continued kissing her, putting all his decorum aside, his hands tracing and sliding around her waist, as he moved away just enough to be able to look her in the eyes, and with his other hand, affectionately pull away a few strands of copper hair from her face. His eyes betrayed him and settled over the defined curves of her breasts, the hand on her waist sliding upward, fingers brushing lightly against the lower left swell.

"With your permission?" He asked, looking at her in a mixture of shyness, that last blighted thread he had left, and desire growing hungry inside him.

Tessa nodded, closing her eyes and letting some air escape her rosy lips as Cullen felt his hand fill with Tessa's flesh. He swallowed every one of her reactions, all of delight, with hungry kisses. He could feel her hardened peaks beneath her layers of clothing as he slid his hand down to her ribs, abdomen, and hipbone. Cullen's hand slipped beneath Tessa's tunic, making him finally have contact with her skin as he massaged her breast. She arched under his touch, which made his cock stiffen more than it already was. He lowered his hand again to Tessa's hips, fingers brushing against the hem of her pants. Her blue immensity stared at him eagerly, and Tessa nodded again in anticipation of his question. He kissed her intensely and slid his hand gently down between her thighs, that warm, wet place even through her clothes, making him smile.

Cullen massaged her in that intimate, secret place, drawing low sighs and moans from the woman beneath him, and he paused his kisses just to stare at her with a sly grin on his face. He indulged himself with her beautiful soft expressions of pleasure, while her cheeks coloured with a faint shade of red, and her fingers curled around his hair. Her eyes opened, and she blushed furiously.

"You're staring..." She said shyly, putting her hands on her face to hide.

"No," he said, taking her hands off her face, trying to encourage her. "I'm sorry. You are beautiful, I cannot resist... My eyes betray me whenever I'm around you. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She nodded a third time, a small smile forming on her lips as she continued to lightly caress his scalp with her nails, pulling him into a deep kiss. Cullen lowered his hand again to Tessa’s hipbone, eager to feel her again as he slid his fingers down the hem of her trousers. "May I?"

"Yes." She answered in a hoarse voice, squirming to meet his touch.

"Tell me to stop and I will. I will not do anything you don’t want me to."

She smiled and nodded again, her blue eyes hiding behind her soft eyelids as he felt his fingers meet that wet confined inside her pants, sliding through her warm folds. She was so slippery that his finger slipped into her gently, causing Tessa to let out a groan of surprise at the unexpected intrusion, her eyes widening briefly. He looked at her worried, pausing his movements to make sure she was all right.

"It's okay, don’t worry." She said with a mesmerizing smile. "Please don’t stop."

With a smile of his own, Cullen continued his thrusts as he gazed intently into Tessa's blue eyes, caressing the top of her head as he masturbated her. She arched, moaned and squirmed beneath his touch as her delicate hands reached for the laces of his trousers and loosened them, enveloping his stiff cock with her soft digits as she pumped him up and down, drawing muffled sighs from his throat. She kissed him and pushed to make his finger go deeper into her. He smiled and introduced a second finger into the depths of her as he went in and out, in and out, with his thumb pressed against her nub of nerves.

"Cullen..." She said in a whisper, "I know a spell..."

"Oh?"

"It's... _pleasurable_. It will not hurt you. If you want, I can..."

"Yes," he said without hesitation, nodding his head as he breathed heavily through his nose, "Do it."

Tessa smiled and he felt a gentle wave of electricity escaping from her hand, striking him in his core, giving him instant pleasure. He increased the pace of his thrusts to try to keep up with her, to leave her as close as he already was. They pleasured each other in that glorious afternoon amidst the trees and the sun, accompanied only by the chant of the birds.

"Cullen." She called him through sighs as she contracted around his fingers and caressed him faster and stronger, releasing a surge of intense pleasure through his body. "Cullen, I'm so close..."

"Me too," he said, his voice choked with desire. "You should stop, I... it's going to be a mess."

"I don’t care if you don’t."

"I don’t want to get you dirty...” He said, trying to replace her hand on his cock with his.

"You will not get me dirty." She encouraged him, smiling mischievously, as she continued her caresses and her magic, bringing him ever closer to her climax.

He moaned her name, throwing his head back and beginning to shake, intensifying his movements in and out of her, wanting nothing more than to give her his pleasure and have hers. The two reached their orgasms at the same time, releasing themselves into each other's hands.

"I'm sorry..." he said, holding her hand, damped with his seed. "I..."

"Stop apologizing, I wanted this."

"Come here," he pulled her, lifting her off the ground and leading her to the river. They knelt at the edge, and Cullen carefully dipped Tessa's small hand in the water, gently rubbing to wash. She looked at him with a disapproving glare, shaking her head. He took her back to where they were and he watched her smile in admiration for him, as she lay down again, with him following her and stretching his arm, offering it for her to lay her head. She grinned and rested her head on his arm, hugging him around the waist.

"That was... _glorious_." He said weakly as he remembered the earlier moments.

She giggled shyly, "It was."

Tessa stretched and kissed his neck, slowly, rising to his ear and breathing in a way that made him both tremble, and gently hard _again_. She laughed softly at his ear when she heard him sigh and traced a path of kisses to his scar, but did not kiss it. She pulled back a little, just to get a look into his eyes, and touched it with her fingertips.

"How did you get it?"

"Long story, I... I lowered my guard during a battle."

"Where?" Her voice was soft and husky.

"Kirkwall." She lightly kissed his scar before kissing his lips again. He did not want to tell the story, not now, and she knew it.

"I'm sorry." Tessa continued the kiss in such a sweet way that it was no longer sexual, but an implicit affection, a caress to his wounds. As she kissed him, she nestled beside him. They stayed that way for a while, and Cullen did not know how or if she was actually comfortable with her head on a piece of metal while playing with his fingers. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Why did you come?"

"Why did I come?" He lifted his head to look at how amused she was with his hand, his brows furrowing, "I... I guess I explained in Haven, did I not?"

"You basically said I'm a means to an end," she turned to him. "Aside from not seeming to trust my bargain skills..."

"No, I ... Do not get me wrong." Cullen leaned on his elbow to face her. Tessa sat down in front of him.

"Why not? Can you answer me?"

"Do you want to discuss this now?"

"I do." She said decisively.

"About the former, it was not what I meant and you know it. And the latter, I just think the negotiations would be better if I was there."

"Why?"

" _Why_? I was a Templar, Tessa; I know what to say to them. "

"I know, you always seem so fervent to remember it," she replied angrily, "why do I need a sitter?"

"I'm not your sitter."

"Is it because I'm a mage?"

"Tessa..." She tried to continue to speak, but he was faster, "let me answer. I was worried about your safety because you are a mage, yes, but I do not think you need a sitter. I just want to help with the negotiations; I know everything you went through with the Templars."

"Do you think I could get their assistance on my own?" She waited for a long moment, and he did not have the answer she wanted. Not because of her, but because of them. They would make it difficult for her, and she would get angry. Tessa and Templars were the perfect formula for disaster. She was young, and from what he saw during their travel and the things he heard, she was reckless. Templars were her weakness. Cullen resigned himself and looked away, only to hear Tessa's weak, sarcastic laughter, "That's what I thought."

"Tessa," she was already up and marching back to the camp. He got up quickly, picked up the gloves from the corner and ran to her, holding her elbow, "Tessa, please."

"No!" She shook her arm and pulled away from him, "you do not trust me, Cullen. I..." He noticed her eyes were wet and her chin trembling, as she held her tears with all her strength, "I’ve been in the Fade, I faced demons, I closed rifts, I almost died for this fucking Inquisition, and you still doubt me. I'm giving my blood to this whole shit. If you do not trust me, if you do not trust what I am doing, if you do not trust that I am giving everything, all of me to solve this, what are we doing? What am I to you? A warm body for you to rub against when you're lonely?"

"Tessa..."

"No, Cullen! Fuck off."

She wiped away the tears that escaped her eyes and left. He considered following her for a brief moment, but he gave up with the words said, still echoing within him. He wanted to say that she was wrong, that he trusted her, that she was what kept the Inquisition working so well on the front line, but for some reason, he did not. He should have run after her, reached her and said all he intended, but instead he stood still as he watched her walk away from him. He was broken inside, and angry. He wanted to scream, curse, take the biggest stone he could see and throw away. He struck a tree with his bare hand so hard he bled immediately. He watched as the blood dripped thinly through his fingers and between thick barbs of the bulk that penetrated his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, a bit extreme. But I promise I'll make it better.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! :D  
> See you soon!


	16. The Templar's Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition reaches Therinfal Redoubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, everybody!
> 
> So sorry for the long absence (again). Had to figure some things out, then the season changed and my room now feels like Mordor. Unfortunately I don't have an air conditioner there, so it's a bit discouraging to sit in front of the computer to translate.  
> BUT I felt terrible to be away for so long and I'm posting this short, short chapter tonight. I'm changing a few things, so later this week I'll post the rest.
> 
> (yes, it is a Dragon Age Origins reference in the title - ironically to my least favourite mission, lol)

The nobles from Orlais were waiting for them to get to Therinfal Redoubt. The Inquisition’s illustrious allies set their camp next to each other, in an intense explosion of colour and coats of arms. A golden elm leaf on a green field, a heart crowned in dark blue, a red and beige snake. In the matters of Orlesian heraldry, Tessa was an ignorant. She looked at each one with a frown. Vivienne gave a lesson behind her about the history of each family there, but she did not want to hear it. Only Lord Abernache mattered; he was the one who would be accompanying the negotiations with the representatives of the Inquisition, the Herald of Andraste, and the Commander of the Inquisition. She knew how to behave, graceful and charming.

The atmosphere between Tessa and Cullen was tense and uncomfortable, but only Bull and Cassandra asked if something had happened. She fabricated the best excuse she could think of ‒ one of the advantages of growing up amongst four poorly behaved brothers ‒ and they left her be. She avoided everything: the presence, the conversations, even exchanging looks. She talked to Cullen only when it was necessary, and there, during the deal, it would be the longest moment they would spend together after the discussion by the river.

Some nobles came to greet her, after the whole group finished their preparations. Empty flattery and cheap flirting were customary, as well as judging glances and masked provocation. _Even here they play their stupid Game_. That kind of behaviour was commonplace also in the Free Marches, but only between the cities, where the political contest and the desire to stand out were enormous and overpowering. Within the cities, the relations were friendlier except between rival families. In that case, assassins and bards were also part of the routine. With luck, Tessa was fluent in sarcasm thanks to her time in the Circle, where she could only socialize hiding her real intention with the Templars. She took a deep breath and continued her walk to the fortress. Cassandra and Cullen led the way, and she and the others followed them down a trail on a low hill. It was possible to see the towers if she lifted her gaze, gigantic and sumptuous with their dark stones. They walked a little until they reached a bridge made of pale grey boulders.

"Oh, the Herald of Andraste!"

She heard the smug, grave voice of a slender man, who hid his face beneath a golden mask, only his mouth and chin revealed, and his head wrapped in a curious hat. His clothes were of a simple elegance ‒ when compared to the clothes of the others present there ‒ composed of white trousers with wine-coloured stripes at the sides, a shirt with a yellow centre; the sleeves left the nobleman's shoulders fat and pompous, but they fit the rest of the thin arms; gloves and dark red boots completed the set.

"Lord Emerald Abernache," he bowed and took Tessa's right hand to kiss her over the leather glove, a smile curling up his lips, "it's an honour to finally meet you. Lady Montilyet had not mentioned anything about your sweeping beauty. "

"Oh, thank you so much, my lord," she matched his smile and gently bent her knees, "I think she wanted to keep the secret."

"And what a beautiful secret," he chuckled trying to be charming. Beside her, she realised Cullen clenched his jaw, a gesture she knew meant irritation, "It's an honour to be part of these negotiations by your side," he continued his flirtation. Only then he turned his head slightly and seemed to notice Cullen's presence, "And who is this scarecrow?"

"My lord," she tried to ignore that remark and touched Cullen's arm with her fingertips, as the Commander behaved chivalrously folding his hands behind his body, "this is Commander Cullen Rutherford, the head of the military forces of the Inquisition."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Abernache," Cullen greeted him politely, only to be ignored by the nobleman. _Andraste preserve me, this is going to be long_.

"Oh," the Lord exclaimed disappointed, and she heard the Commander snort, "will he join us?"

"Yes, I assure you that our Commander is extremely capable of dealing with the Templars, as well as very competent."

"Yes, no question, but..."

"Shall we speak on business, my lord?" She interrupted him politely, but firmly, leaving no doubt about her intention.

"Of course, Lady Herald. The Lord Seeker is willing to hear our petition about the Breach.” The lord led them through a second path, heading towards a higher level, providing a better view of the fortress. “If I may be so bold, will you reveal what has changed? What made them change their mind? If you say nothing, the rumours will speak for you.”

“What do you mean?” Cullen asked.

“The Lord Seeker refuses to even see us, for he wishes to greet the Inquisition in person first. Such a twist from that misfortunate event in Val Royeaux.”

“I don’t know what happened, my lord. This is a surprise for me as it is for you.”

“Well, we shall find out soon enough, won’t we? A meeting is a meeting. Get his attention, my lady, as you got mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this bit! Comments are always appreciated :D
> 
> See y'all later :*


	17. Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When I wake up I'm afraid  
> Somebody else might take my place  
> When I wake up I'm afraid  
> Somebody else might end up being me"
> 
> Afraid - The Neighbourhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you realise I am not good in keeping promises, right? So I'll just stop making them, lol.
> 
> I did a lot of changes in this stage of the fic. This chapter wasn't originally written the way it is now, and it was supposed to be posted later on. But you all probably know what happens in Therinfal Redoubt, so it didn't make sense to write it in details. If you don't know, don't worry - I rewrote in a way everyone will understand what happens (hopefully).  
> If something is unclear, please don't be shy and ask me. I will be happy to answer.

The ride back to Haven was hard and unpleasant. They were aware of the risks when they went to Therinfal Redoubt, but none of what they saw and experienced there was anything they could have anticipated. Things were said and done as they ventured further to save as many Templars as possible from the ongoing butchering within the fortress’ walls.

The Lord Seeker proved to be an Envy demon in disguise, a demon that tormented Tessa’s thoughts as it trapped her inside her own mind. It played her, trying to twist her to its will, trying to make her lose herself to it. She felt so vividly the ramifications of Envy’s actions while in Therinfal, when she freed herself from its grip.

She was not herself then, doubting her eyes and all her senses, and she was utterly afraid she was losing her sanity. Even in Haven, she could still feel herself slipping. And now, she had to endure the veiled accusations of the war council about her actions in Therinfal.

“You should have consulted us.” Leliana said harshly and bluntly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t make the time to send you a raven asking your permission between fighting corrupted Templars and the Envy demon.” Tessa answered, finally breaking her silence.

She could feel the gazes of everyone in the room on her. Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra and Cullen were now staring at her more intently than before, when she was quiet, surprised by the roughness of her words and her tone. They were always used to joyous comments even when she was questioned.

“All I am saying, Herald, is that you shouldn’t have made that particular decision. Dismembering the Templars? The people are supposed to trust us, but when you make this kind of decision…”

“What was I to do, then?” She barked, furrowing in frustration, “I thought we had scarce resources to maintain an entire order. It seemed more practical to have them as soldiers.”

“And it is.” Josephine interjected while writing furiously on her clipboard.

“But it does not look good on us, and they are stronger as an Order. It was the wrong choice.” Cullen murmured, staring at the map to avoid eye contact with Tessa.

“Fine. I made a stupid decision. But why was _I_ in charge of making it? I mean, you and Cassandra _were there_. You are the Commander and the Right Hand of the Divine, and I am just a glowing hand. _A means to an end_.”

Cullen shot a glare to Tessa, a pained look on his face. “It’s not like that, and you know it.”

“I don’t. I don’t know.” She said, fighting back the urge to cry. “The Templars looked at me for a decision, and I made it. I am sorry if it was not what you expected. Someone should have told me then, and intervened, but no one did.”

“I don’t question you, Herald.” Cassandra said with a sympathetic look. “I think it was the right decision. The Order is corrupted, and we cannot afford it. We are acting as if Tessa gave the Templars no choice, but she did. She said the Inquisition didn’t have the resources to accommodate them as the mighty Templar Order, but we could, instead, have them as soldiers in our ranks. The ones who truly wanted to help us with the Breach are on their way. The others are trying to rebuild the Order. It might not have been as we initially liked, but she was honest, and she is right. We didn’t intervened.”

Tessa peered at Cassandra surprised by her words, and simply sighed in relief. She lowered her eyes and looked back up, searching unconsciously for a gaze from Cullen that never came. Instead, images of her awaking nightmare flooded her mind, and she squeezed her eyelids shut to make them leave her.

“We should discuss the preparations for the Templars.” Josephine pronounced, finally giving a rest to her quill. “Even as soldiers, they need special… _attention_. I have contacts in Orzammar, and some of them are unhappy with the deal they have with the Chantry, especially now that the Templars left.”

“You should contact them immediately, Josie.” Leliana suggested with her hands behind her back. “Don’t give the Chantry a chance to negotiate.”

“I won’t.” She responded with a small grin on the corner of her mouth. “I have already spoken to them. Speaking of which, when are the Templars bound to arrive?”

As Josephine asked, a bright explosion of light and white smoke appeared in front of them, atop of the war table, with the pale young man with blond hair emerging from the confusion.

Temporarily blind by the intense light, Tessa could hear a loud “by the Maker!” accompanied by the sound of swords being unsheathed, and felt a strong hand on her waist pushing her back gently so she was shielded by the firm arm and the muscular shape of Cullen. His sword was standing as imposing as he was, powerful and grand. Stretching her neck to the side, Tessa also saw Cassandra with sword in hand, frightening and strong. Josephine and Leliana had daggers drew – daggers the young mage had no idea they carried –, and were ready to thrust on the pale man on the table, a man Tessa recognized as soon as she lied eyes on his serene figure.

“No, wait!” She shouted a little desperate, squirming to escape Cullen’s protection. She rushed to the table, putting herself between him and the swords. “It’s alright, I know him. Lower the blades.” Seeing the warriors glance at each other with suspicion and not lowering their weapons, she urged, looking intensely at Cullen, “Please. Trust me.”

He shifted his gaze from Tessa to the man behind her, back to her again, and nodded, sheathing his blade, but keeping an intent hand on the pommel. The women mimicked his gesture a few seconds later, but Cassandra was ready to launch herself at the pale young man.

“Cole, get down of the war table.” Tessa asked gently, turning to him.

“Alright.” The man agreed, jumping down as calm as the cool weather that day. “I don’t belong there anyway… I am no war.”

“You are not…?” Cullen growled, clenching his fist around the pommel of his sword.

“Herald, who is this?” Josephine asked a little too eager.

“My name is Cole. I help.” He intervened, serene and passive. “Your Templars are almost here, they don’t like being late.”

“Where do you know this man from?” Cassandra inquired Tessa directly.

“From Therinfal. He helped me.”

“Helped you?” Cullen wondered, his brow furrowed in doubt. “He was not there.”

“You couldn’t see me, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t there. I was. I helped her.”

“Helped her how?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Tessa said promptly, trying to avoid further questions to answers she could not give just yet.

“With the Envy demon.” Cole revealed innocently, making Tessa hide her face behind her hands briefly.

“We all helped her. You weren’t there.”

“I was there both times, Commander. In the prison, and in the fight. You just didn’t see me then.”

“Prison?” Leliana asked. “Were you captured?”

“It’s just a manner of speaking. It’s nothing, really.”

“Tessa.” She heard Cullen’s voice, low and deep in concern. “What happened?”

“You were there,” she smirked trying to disguise her real feelings, “you saw what happened.”

“What do you want, ah… Cole?” Josephine questioned politely, sensing the rising tension.

“I want to help. As I helped Tessa, as I help the unknown. You help. I think I belong here.”

“You can’t possibly think…” Cassandra started with a snort of impatience.

“Cassandra, please. I can vouch for him. He _is_ trustworthy.”

“I don’t like this.”

“You don’t have to.” Leliana said, smiling. “I think someone with this particular skill of his could be useful to us, no? At any rate, we should finish our meeting. Cole, is it? If don’t mind…”

“Yes, Nightingale, I’ll leave. Small and quiet, you can’t see me unless I want you to. I _am_ useful.”

“We should really discuss this thoroughly.” Cullen suggested as he watched Cole leave the room through the door.

“I am a bit tired and honestly not on my best mood. If it is fine with you, may I propose we continue this some other time?” Tessa said, leaning on the war table and avoiding eye contact.

The other four agreed to a recess, and the mage promptly left the war room rushing to her cottage, ignoring the pilgrims, the Chantry sisters, the mages, the soldiers and the companions who were calling out to her. She locked herself inside her small and comfortable hut, and burned her finger with her magic to the point it was raw. The subtle smell of burnt flesh made her tremble, and the pain grounded her, made her feel sane. Made her feel she had not gone crazy.

Ever since the events of Therinfal, Tessa felt her will weakened. She knew Envy did something to her that caused her enormous pain; she knew it tried to possess her. It broke something inside her that she had not been able to fix. Not at that time, not alone. Envy corrupted the Templars, made them kill each other, butcher one another, it got Lord Abernache caught in the middle with an arrow on his throat. It got her. It got her to the point she doubted the very reality around her. She felt as if she could not trust her instincts until she burned herself.

As she looked to her numb and burnt finger, she sat at the edge of her bed, ready to let her tears roll while she performed a healing spell when the same explosion of light and smoke from the war room occurred in the middle of her cottage, startling her.

“Cole! Andraste’s flaming knickers!” She hissed and squinted to see him, “ _Don’t do that_.”

“Oh,” he said genuinely surprised as she continued her spell, “I scared you. I… I am sorry. I won’t do that again.”

“It’s alright.” She looked up, “What do you want?”

“I want to help. You still need it.”

“I’m fine.” She said harshly.

“You’re not. You know you are not fine. I can help.”

“How?”

“You should talk to someone.”

“I am.”

“No. Someone you fully trust. Someone you know. He knows you are not fine. He wants you to feel fine, but you don’t let him in. Not anymore.” Tessa dropped her gaze to her knees, completely aware he was referring to Cullen. “You should let him in again. He is hurting, as are you. You should talk to him.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It isn’t? He is here, and he is real, as much as you doubt it. It wasn’t him in the prison. He would like you to talk to him, or maybe open up a bit so he can get close again.” She felt the urge to say it was not that simple again, but remained quiet. “He can be hard, but he softens when he’s around you. It’s worth it, for both of you.”

“I… I don’t know if he… if he’ll forgive me.”

“He will. He will always forgive you.”

After Cole left, she kept herself quiet within her walls, pondering and reflecting about his words until she fell asleep. She was actively avoiding sleep, but fatigue got the best of her. It did not take long until the nightmares reached her, the vivid images of Envy messing her mind filling her. The memory of those horrific moments that tormented her. She woke up startled and breathless. The line between reality and hallucination was blurry and uncertain, and she felt the need to burn herself again. As she casted the healing spell once more, she wrapped her body with a thick wool coat and stepped out of her cottage. The shock between the warmth of her bare feet and the snow made her tremble, but she carried on to the Chantry building.

Her pacing took her to the cells, where she first woke up after falling from the Fade Rift. The thoughts she desperately tried to evade were incessant, and she could not do anything but cry helplessly, letting it out the way she could.

“Tessa?” She heard Cassandra’s voice. She hastily dried her tears with the sleeve of her coat and looked over her shoulder. “Are you alright? Are you crying?”

“You always seem to find me in these situations.” She chuckled nervously, peering around and seeing Leliana accompanying the Seeker. “Sister Leliana.”

“I was discussing with Cassandra about surveillance on the young man, Cole. I was just about to leave.”

“No,” Tessa pleaded, “please stay. I am sorry about before. I have been… on edge lately.”

“So I noticed.” The Spymaster said quirking a smile, approaching Tessa with Cassandra. “Don’t worry about that. You are doing more than we can ask. Apology accepted.”

“We were worried about you.” Cassandra mused, and sat in front of her, with Leliana at her side. “You are acting strange since Therinfal, and Cole’s statements made me suspect something.” Tessa looked at her as if asking her to continue, “Did the Envy demon try to possess you?”

“Yes.”

“I… see.”

“Then Cole really did help? He helped you escape?”

“He did. It has been... _difficult_ to distinguish what’s real and what isn’t. I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what? You are safe now.”

“The demon fed me visions. Horrors and torment. I saw… I saw Leliana killing Cullen in cold blood. Then Josephine appeared, saying that this ‘Elder One’ would claim me. Then Cullen appeared again… and he stabbed me to death with a dagger I _know_ he has. He said the Elder One would come and take away everything I have ever held dear… The demon would take my place as it took the Lord Seeker’s. It would bring destruction and doom upon the world under the Inquisition banner. I saw an army of demons invading Thedas, the Empress of Orlais being assassinated. I saw you, Leliana, being tortured for facilitating the escape of rebels. I saw mother Gisele being sentenced to death simply for speaking her mind. I saw Krem being denied of food and perishing slowly. I saw Cullen being sentenced to death too, for speaking against the Herald. I was dead all along, and you all thought the demon was me.”

After a few moments in utter silence, both Left and Right Hands smiled weak and awkwardly, casting Tessa reassuring looks. She felt, for the first time since Therinfal, that warm tingling in her stomach, the one she always gets when she knows she is being taken care of.

“I’m sorry,” she said brushing the back of her hand on her cheek to conceal a single tear hastily, “I doubt you came here to hear me whine.”

“You are not _whining_.” Leliana giggled.

“And don’t apologize!” Cassandra replied with an offended look on her face, brow furrowed. “I am glad you feel comfortable enough to share this with us.”

“Yes, well… it does feel good to share.” She smiled. “It was worse to keep it all to myself. A bit painful, actually. Thank you, truly. You are good friends.”

“We are here for you, Tessa. We stand together.” Leliana said, squeezing her shoulder in a caring and reassuring gesture.

That night, Tessa was finally able to sleep.

* * *

When the elite of the Templars arrived at Haven, everyone noticed. They were as loud as Cullen remembered, even though the recruits were bad, with talks about their sexual prowess – and imaginary, Cullen thought –, shouting and fighting, the veterans were probably worse – in their higher hierarchy. They agitated the common folk with their behaviour, especially after realising the Inquisition was offering shelter to apostates. Cullen had to step in a few times to prevent a confrontation from happening.

After scolding a group of Templars that were actively mistreating some young mages, Cullen turned his back, snorting and clenching his fists, and asked Rylen to continue the training for him, as one of his lieutenants took the Templars to their tents. He paced through the camp, searching for Leliana, Josephine or Cassandra, to give them the news himself.

“Commander!”

“ _Maker’s breath!_ ”

Cullen put a hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding rapidly inside him. Cole, the pale young man Tessa vouched for the day before, had just materialized in front of him.

“I’m sorry!” Cole said with wide eyes. “She told me not to do this. Let me try again. Forget!”

Cullen blinked a few times, before he realised he was startled by something he could not remember. He felt someone poking his shoulder from behind, and he turned to see Cole.

“Yes, Cole? What can I do for you?”

“I want to help you.”

“Thank you, but I don’t need it.”

“Are you sure?”

Cullen sighed, crossed his arms and quirked a brow, “What makes you think I need help?”

“You are loud.”

“I am what now?”

“I hear you. So much pain and grieving in your past that you carry close still. It lasts and it makes hard for you to focus. It’s different when you are around her.”

“Cole,” Cullen stepped closer to him, whispering so no one could listen, “what are you talking about?”

“I am saying that you should talk to Tessa. She regrets what she did to you in Therinfal. She is hurting about the river, but feels bad about the fortress. She wants to apologize but does not know how. She is afraid. Envy hurt her, made her feel like nothing. She is not certain.”

“Not certain?”

“Talk to her.”

“She told you all this?”

“She didn’t have to.”

With that said, Cole disappeared further into the camp, leaving Cullen alone deep in thoughts. The Commander rubbed the back of his neck with the truthiness of the other man’s words about him. It scared him a bit that Cole knew all of that. He knew, in his heart, he needed to talk to Tessa to put things out in the open. He had hurt her by the river, and she hurt him in Therinfal. It was not like them to do things like that, even if they had spent little time together. Instead, he kept searching for one of the three women he was constantly working with. He found Leliana leaving Josephine’s office.

“Leliana!” He called her, walking faster to reach her, “The Templars have arrived, and they are eager. Is everything prepared for them?”

“Yes, the accommodations are ready and the lyrium shipment just arrived too.”

“Shall we summon a war council with the Herald?”

“Not yet. Let’s give her a few moments to rest. Solas thinks the attempt will demand a lot from her.”

“Alright. But we really should get things moving for the attempt.”

“We are aware, Commander. Patience. Give her some time.”

“I am gathering the impression we are not really talking about the Breach.”

Leliana chuckled with a mysterious façade. “What do you think we are talking about, then?”

“You tell me.”

“So sceptical… I know things were not easy for Tessa on Therinfal, so why not let her have a few moments to herself? We need her at her best.”

“Oh, it’s _Tessa_ now, is it? Did your spies tell you about her experience in Therinfal?”

“No, Commander, she did.” She winked and smiled. “Tomorrow we will get this done.”

He nodded obedient, and got back to his duties, allowing himself to rest in between while waiting anxiously to see the Breach finally closed. The veterans were empowered by the lyrium, and were already marching to the Temple of Sacred Ashes – or what was left of it. Cullen was discussing details with Josephine’s messengers about the next lyrium shipment, when he lifted his gaze to the landscape, spotting Tessa, Solas and Cassandra chatting at Haven’s gates. He quickly excused himself, gathering all the courage he could so things were a little less awkward as he thought they would be. Obligating his voice to come out, he called her name with an unsteady voice. He cleared his throat as he saw her turning to the sound of his voice, and walking towards him. Cullen could never get tired of watching her.

“Yes, Commander?” She asked formally, making his gaze drop instantly in sorrow.

“Uh… Ma-may I…” He cleared his throat again, holding his breath, “May I speak with you?”

“Is it urgent?” She questioned, looking worried – or suspicious, he was not sure.

“A bit, yes… I, I mean, Cole… talked to me.”

“Ah!” She squeaked, “What did he say?”

“Nothing much… just that we, uh… we should talk. And I agree. That we should talk. We haven’t had the chance since…” He was feeling like an idiot tripping over his words. Not that he was the most eloquent man on Thedas, but _that_ was ridiculous.

“Yes, we…” She stopped upon hearing Cassandra calling out to her. “We really should. Talk, I mean. But…” She looked at the green rip in the sky behind her.

“The Breach. Of course.”

“Later? When I get back?”

“I’ll be waiting. Good luck.”

So he waited. Even after everything, he waited for her.

While she was away, possibly saving Thedas from that gigantic Breach, he was planning what he would say to her. Both of them were wrong and too stubborn to admit it. Both of them crossed the line. The events that led them there, to that strange and uncomfortable place they found themselves in, made him angry and distressed. He snapped at anyone that looked at him differently, and Rylen was sleeping at the brothel because he could not bear Cullen’s mood.

Immersed in his thoughts, Cullen barely felt the quake emanating from the Temple, and he almost missed the bright green light from there ascending to the Breach, shaping it, until there was nothing but a scar in the sky. The people shouted Tessa’s name with joy, recognizing her success.

The barrels of ale and wine were cracked open to celebrate, and the folk started singing and clapping hands while some danced around the fire. Excited conversations took place, and laughter flooded his ears. Leaned against a watchtower, he smiled to himself, pleased with the situation. Bull and Varric invited him for a few drinks, and he politely refused, as he waited for Tessa to come back.

When she emerged from the gates he grinned, but tried to remain discreet. She was looking around the camp, and when she found him, she offered him a small, shy smile.

“You did it. It’s a major victory.” He said when she was close enough to hear.

“I know…” She admitted, rubbing her hands together, “But it’s our victory. We all played a part in this.”

“I guess you are right.” He chuckled, and pointed to a more reserved place for them.

“You wanted to talk.” Tessa said abruptly halfway there.

“Uh, yes. Yes, I did. About before… I think I should…”

“Cullen, let me interrupt you now, because I know you are about to apologize for something you didn’t do. I’m the one who owns you an apology. I exaggerated, at the river and in Therinfal.”

“Tessa, please. I need you to know something.” He said serious, “I trust you. Utterly. I am sorry about that, I should have said something at the time. And you are not a means to an end either. It pains me that you think that. You are… much more. I’m sorry if I made you doubt that. I never meant to do this.”

“I know. It’s alright. And I’m sorry about what I did in Therinfal. I shouldn’t have… I was not myself then, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have used my magic on you. Not like that.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, Cullen, it isn’t. I pushed you down the stairs. Magic or no, I should never have done that. It was luck that kept you unharmed. Can you forgive me?”

“Yes. I will always forgive you. No matter what.” They smiled awkwardly at each other, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “What happened there, Tessa? Why were you not yourself?”

“It’s… not as complicated as I would like. Then I would have an excuse not to tell.” She chuckled, “Envy… it tried to possess me. Cole helped me resist. But I saw things that…” She stopped and took a deep breath.

“You know you can tell me, right?”

“I do. I watched you die, and watched you kill me.” He saw her eyes glistening with tears, “Envy took my place as the Herald and as Tessa Trevelyan. I saw you being tortured, and heard you say you hated me.”

“Tessa,” he brushed his thumb across her face gently to wipe her tears, “That will never happen. Nothing you do will make me hate you.”

“Cullen…” She took a step back from him, taking his hand off her face, “I think… we should keep things the way they are now.”

“What are you saying?” _Maker, I know what she is going to say. I know she is about to break my heart._

“Us. What we have… had… it only complicates things. I think it would be best to be friends.”

He let out a ragged sound, half-broken breath, half-broken word. He looked at his feet as he rubbed his scalp, and simply agreed to her request.

“ _What is that?_ ” She hissed, stretching her neck so she could see the mountain better. He turned and saw tiny dots made of orange light, like a twisted reflection of the stars above. Cullen squinted to try to have a better vision, when the alarm bell started to ring desperately and the celebration died out slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and keep tuned for updates!  
> Comments are, as usual, much appreciated.
> 
> Love :*


	18. The fall of Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition is under attack, and there is no way to save Haven. Tessa makes a certain-death decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait x.x I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> Btw, DORIAN IS HEEEEEERE YAAAAY

“Commander!” One of his scouts shouted from up the watchtower. “It’s an army, ser. A big one, it is.”

“An army?” Tessa repeated, with her voice trembling and a scared look on her face.

Cullen climbed the ladder as fast as he could, and almost threw himself to get to the edge of the wooden tower, trying to have a glimpse of what was happening. _Who are they? What do they want?_ He looked for a symbol, a banner, a coat of arms, _anything_ that could identify that army, but found nothing.

“Have you found any identification?” He asked the boy beside him.

“No, ser. There isn’t any.”

“None? Are you sure?”

“Yes, ser, I would have found it.”

 _Shit_. He looked back to the marching army. Most of it had already passed the valley through the mountain, and could reach Haven rapidly and easily. They were too close.

Cullen climbed down the ladder and ran with Tessa in search for Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine. They spotted the three women at the gates as the villagers and pilgrims started running drunk and desperate, trying to pack important things to take with them. The guards were trying their best to isolate the central camp, taking the common folk to the chantry building as fast as they could to keep everyone safe.

“Cullen?” Cassandra called for him, as if asking what he knew.

“It is a massive army, and part of it is already here or soon will be.”

“Under what banner?” Josephine asked, confused as how would anyone try to attack the Inquisition at its headquarters.

“None.”

Silence weighed on them as they tried to think of a sound plan of evacuation for the people. As they looked at each other and at the ground, a flash of bright orange light came through under the gates, making them tremble as it died out.

“If someone could open this I would really appreciate!”

Tessa ran down the stairs to the gates and swiftly opened them, as Cullen followed her closely. The open doors revealed a raven-haired man bent over, surrounded by at least six bodies; he wore a fine piece of armour – elegant for that matter – and a moustache adorned his face. His breathing was frantic, and he was using his staff for balance. The skull at its tip made Cullen realise the man was Tevinter. The Herald and the Commander took a step forward, and she offered a hand to help the Tevinter mage to stand up. The man took her hand, and lost his balance for a moment before Cullen grabbed him.

“Dorian?” She asked the man, squinting to make sure it was really him.

“Tessie?” The man beamed at her, squeezing her shoulder gently before pulling her to a hug. “Don’t tell me _you_ are the Herald.”

“You two know each other?” Cullen asked, confused.

“Yes, well, I’ll explain everything later. What is going on, Dorian?”

“I came here to warn you, but it seems I am fashionably late and a bit too exhausted.” Dorian said, catching his breath. He looked at Cullen, and continued. “My name is Dorian Pavus, and I bring news from Redcliffe. There is an army right behind me, maybe you noticed it. They are rebel mages, under the command of the Venatori. Those are in service of this ‘Elder One’ fellow I’ve been hearing about. Their leader is the woman up in that cliff,” he pointed to his right, “Calpernia. The man at her side is the commander of the Red Templars, I don’t know his name. And _that_ one beside them… is the Elder One, I guess.”

The spot Dorian indicated had three figures observing the troops advancing on Haven. The woman was pale, blond, dressed entirely in black; the man was robust and tall, wearing a massive armour that could easily outweigh him. Cullen recognised him from his days in the Templar Order in Kirkwall, his disgraced roommate that almost succumbed to his addiction to lyrium, Samson. At their side was a creature, distorted and strange, taller than anyone Cullen had ever seen.

“Who or what is he?” Tessa asked, concern flooding her voice. “What does he want?”

“I don’t know. They were already marching on Haven when I first heard anything about them. They were being very discreet and secretive; I didn’t even know anything about these Venatori. I risked my life to get here first and tell you.”

“Cullen”, she called for him with urgency, “give me a plan. Anything.”

“Haven is no fortress.” He analysed, watching around as his archers took position in the high grounds, “If we ought to resist, then we need to control the battle. We should go out there and hit them hard. Use anything we can. The trebuchets will certainly help.” Cullen unsheathed his sword and took his shield from his back, turning on his heels to address his soldiers. “Men! Gather the villagers, take them to the chantry building, to safety; defend them and yourselves. Be aware of the enemy forces. They are approaching and they will not be merciful. Inquisition! With the Herald, for your lives! For all of us!”

They moved as a wave, flowing and cohesive. Tessa’s companions were already there beside her, striking the enemies and defending the people of Haven. She led them with grace, power and fire, and he led his soldiers with strength and determination. After they made sure the common folk was safe behind the gates, running towards the chantry building, Cullen called three of his soldiers to load and aim the trebuchet, while the rest of the soldiers, Tessa, Dorian, her companions and himself protected them. There were, beside the Venatori mages, warriors and rogues, all of them crazed by red lyrium, as the Templars in Therinfal were. They charged relentlessly, and the Inquisition resisted bravely. Cullen could help but cast glances at Tessa, and soon realised she was not wearing her armour, but the leather vest and pants she wore beneath it and a simple dark cloak to protect her from the cold.

“Commander, Herald.” One of his soldiers on the trebuchet called. “It’s ready.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” He shouted as he finished a warrior with his shield. “Shoot the damn thing!”

They promptly obeyed, and a loud _bang_ echoed through the valley as they felt the ground quaking. Cullen ordered a few soldiers to stay behind and guard the gates to protect Haven while the rest of them quickly moved to the second trebuchet, fighting Venatori and Red Templars alike. By the time they got there, they soon realised the massive weapon was surrounded by the enemy, who had likely understood they intended to use as much power as they could. It was not a problem for the Inquisition, as they charged on their opponents and fought as bravely and keen as before.

While one of his men ran to load and aim the trebuchet, Cullen saw mages, warriors and rogues climbing the broken walls, coming from the forest, the valley, skirting around so they could flank. But he knew the Venatori and the Red Templars were not going to break them, for they were cohesive, strong and powerful in their own terms. They were a combat cell that would not be easily defeated.

The enemy never ceased, but from time to time, they were able to catch their breath briefly. Cullen took a glimpse of everyone, and all of them had an injury or a nasty cut. He looked at Tessa again, and spotted a long, thick line of blood running down her arm, soaking her sleeve in red.

“Are you alright?” He asked her worried, observing at her wound.

“What –” She glanced at the spot he was looking. “Oh. Yes, I felt nothing. Don’t worry.”

He nodded and marched to his soldier, “Is the trebuchet loaded and aimed?”

“Almost, ser!”

“When it’s ready, do not wait on my order. Shoot.”

The soldier nodded, and not long after the trebuchet fired. The rock soon collided with the mountain, crushing and overwhelming the rest of the army still coming through that path with the avalanche it formed. Followed closely by Varric, Tessa climbed the platform of the trebuchet to better observe the situation, as everyone there celebrated their feat. She turned around and locked eyes with Cullen, smiling openly at him. He smiled back, tricked by the ephemeral happiness of that moment.

His joy and smile soon turned into concern and fear as he watched a strange fire destroying the trebuchet, and Tessa and Varric being thrown to the ground by the force of the impact. A loud hiss flooded the air, and enormous black wings hid the stars above. The dragon flew low as if trying to catch them with its claws. Sera and Dorian ran to help the others stand on their feet.

“To the gates, now!” Tessa screamed as she clutched at her ribs, her left hand glowing violently. They ran as fast as they could, and Cullen could not take his eyes off the beast flying and unleashing its breath on everything it could see. _Maker, we are fucking doomed_.

They found Harritt punching the door of his cottage, trying to open it so he could take something from inside. Bull kicked the door open, and the blacksmith ran inside to get his hammer. _The chessboard she gave me_ , Cullen remembered instantly. Upon reaching the gates, Rylen was there coordinating with the soldiers, shouting to everyone to get inside the chantry building. Tessa and her companions – obviously – did not obey, and ran around the camp to gather the remaining people that might have been stuck and escort them to safety. Cullen looked around one more time before turning on his heels to get to his cottage.

“Wow, hey, where do you think you’re going?” Rylen asked, blocking his way.

“I need to get the chessboard Tessa gave me.” He said, pushing his friend aside.

“No, Cullen, I got it for you. Alright? It’s in the chantry.”

Nodding, Cullen followed Tessa’s group back to the fight, finding Lysette, a Templar-recruit, being overwhelmed by the Venatori. He was quick to step in, defending her from a certain deathblow. “Thank you”, she kept repeating.

“Commander,” Solas called, “can you and your soldiers handle this? There are other people still trapped.”

“Yes, go.”

He then watched the group run to the tavern and Adan’s office, slaying all the enemies in their way, as he and his soldiers stayed behind to clear a path. He looked at each one of his brave men and women, and hoped they would not die.

Once they made sure the way back to the Chantry building was safe, they ran towards it, and there they stayed. Cullen posted himself at the door, unsure whether he should search for Tessa or stare at the dragon. After what seemed like an eternity, he spotted Tessa’s companions fleeing the village into the chantry, with the mage on their heels, her lute in hand.

“You risked yourself for this?” He growled.

“It’s important to me,” she said, called out for Sera, throwing the instrument to the elf, and turning to help Cullen to close and bar the doors. Breathless, Tessa leaned on her knees for a moment, and when she rose, he realised she had several small cuts on her face – the wounds on her brow and chin were deeper, and blood was sliding down to her neck – and a bloody hand.

Cullen noticed Dorian helping Chancellor Roderick to stay on his feet. The cleric was seriously injured, with a broken nose and two black eyes, and a red cloud colouring his robes. Pondering what the next move should be, his mind racing with all the destruction and death he was seeing once again, Cullen felt as a sense of powerlessness was swallowing him whole, as all the  insecurity and pain were overwhelming him one more time. All the darkness he thought he left behind was again looming over him. There was nothing he could do, as he soon realised there was no hope. _I don’t know what to do_ , he thought filled with sadness and bitterness while approaching Tessa and Dorian.

“…There was no bargain with the mages, the Venatori just arrived and seized power,” Dorian was telling Tessa.

“Just like that? What about the arl of Redcliffe?”

“Never saw the man. The word on the village was that they casted him out his own castle. Apparently no bargain either.”

“Leliana and Josephine said there was no word from our foes here as well,” Cullen declared, “just attack after attack. We don’t know what are their intentions except wipe us out.”

“I may know.” Dorian interjected with a finger on his moustache. “I heard while hiding that the Venatori are obsessed with Tessie. My guess is they marched all the way here because of her.”

“Me?” Tessa asked confused with a high-pitched voice, “Why am I this special to them?”

“Well, for starters, you kind of foiled this Elder One plans a few times now. As in taking the Templars and sealing the Breach, remember? Now we are cornered up here with a flying beast screaming about and maniacs high on red lyrium trying to murder us.” Dorian sighed, and scratched his chin, “To think we had such a promising start with the trebuchets. If only they were still an option…”

“They are,” Cullen said soberly, “if we turned them to the mountain above us.”

“What?!” Tessa squealed, wide-eyed. “You can’t be serious, that would mean bury Haven along! What about all these people?”

“This isn’t about survival anymore… is about how we want to go.”

“That is, well, unacceptable.” Dorian marched to Cullen, a defying look on his face. “I didn’t come all this way so you could throw rocks at my head.”

“So, what? We should let them kill us?”

“Dying should be the last resource, not the first! You know, for a Templar, you think a lot like a blood mage.”

“I agree with Dorian. This is not an option, not unless there is a way to escape.”

“There is a way.” They heard Chancellor Roderick’s pained voice, the effort of speaking was taking away his breath in each word. “Few had walked the path. Its existence is unknown to those who never made the summer pilgrimage like I did. People can escape. She must have shown me…” He coughed and blood poured out of his mouth. “Andraste… must have shown me so I could… tell you.”

“Alright, Chancellor. You lead the way. Dorian, help him. Cullen, protect the people. If this thing is here because of me, it won’t get me without a fight.”

A sinister shiver ran through Cullen’s entire body and his heart skipped a beat upon hearing that statement. _No, you can’t possibly be thinking that, not really._ He took a step closer to her and held her hands, not wanting to let go.

“And when the mountain falls?” He asked, desperate, gazing those big blue eyes he adored, “What of you?”

She took a deep breath and looked away, untangling their hands.

“Maybe you’ll surprise the Elder One.” Dorian said, helping the chancellor to walk, “You were always resourceful, Tessie.”

“Go, Cullen.” She pushed him gently, smiling fondly, trying to calm him down, but he knew she was utterly afraid. “Protect them. Please.”

He nodded and ordered his soldiers to rally the people so they could follow the chancellor, while he listened to Tessa and her companions arguing; they were not inclined to leave her to distract the Elder One on her own, and she was insisting they would follow the rest of the Inquisition to safety. He saw Chancellor Roderick approaching her and saying something that made tears roll down her face, as she nodded and squeezed his shoulder. Cullen ordered three of his soldiers to accompany Tessa and aim the trebuchet.

“They will aim the trebuchet.” He said, pointing at the soldiers and marching towards Tessa. “Keep the Elder One busy until we are above the line of trees, we will figure out some way to let you know. Good luck.”

She nodded and smiled one time, fighting back the urge to cry. She spun on her heels and walked to the doors, looking back to him one last time before she left the building. It was only at that time Cullen realised just what he truly felt for her. He realised, if they survived this, he would never stop fighting for her. He ran to the doors and opened them.

“Tessa, wait!”

* * *

When she heard his voice, she immediately turned to him. Cullen was standing in front of the chantry’s doors, watching her attentively. Tessa swallowed hard, and both mage and ex-Templar walked towards each other, as if they were beacons calling out to one another, attracted like magnets. His strong, calloused hands held her face softly, and he leaned to kiss her. She closed her eyes, surrendering to his touch, fighting the need she felt to let him take her away with him. He broke their kiss quickly, but let his forehead rest on hers as he caressed her cheeks with his thumbs.

“Forgive me,” he whispered with closed eyes, “I know you said we shouldn’t…”

“Fuck what I said.” She interrupted and stretched her neck to kiss him again, sliding her tongue gently across his lips, asking his permission to enter. He responded with a grin, and kissed her back.

Tessa pulled him closer by his furry cloak, letting one hand rest on his waist and the other stroke the limit between his hair and the back of his neck. She could feel him tremble smoothly under her touch as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss and explore her mouth. Even with all the mayhem and destruction surrounding them, with the dragon hissing, the burning cottages, the dead people, in that moment Tessa and Cullen were one, and they could not help but surrender to each other. They were the one bright spot in the darkness, and they had to cling to it.

“Please come back to us. To me.” He muttered as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“I will.” She whispered, “Please be safe.”

“I will.”

“I’ll meet you on the other side.” She smiled tenderly, and pushed him again as if she was telling him to go back to the chantry.

After Cullen was safely behind the closed doors, she turned her attention back to the fight, finding Varric and Bull smirking at her while she readied her staff.

“Not now,” she was quick to say.

“We weren’t going to say anything, Boss.” Bull said defensively, unsheathing his axe, trying to conceal a chuckle.

“Right.”

It did not matter what was about to happen, it felt good to hear laughter, and the only thing she could think of was a silent prayer begging for their safety. _Please, Andraste, protect them. All of them. All of us._

As they advanced on the battlefield, more and more Venatori and a few Red Templars tried to overwhelm them. They were more exposed and vulnerable without a large group of soldiers, but they were in synchrony with each other. They were capable. Tessa laughed loudly with the ease they defeated their foes, and Sera asked if she was going insane. If she were, she did not really care.

Upon reaching the trebuchet, they soon comprehended it was taken by the enemy’s forces. Tessa stretched her body preparing for the long fight they had ahead of them. It soon clashed into a chaos of arrows, spells and clinking swords and axes. The Venatori succumbed, their mages and their warriors, and the Inquisition’s soldiers promptly took their place in the trebuchet to aim it to the mountain as more enemies approached. Tessa and her companions were resisting, fighting through the pain and the open, bleeding wounds.

After countless waves of attacks, the Venatori finally seemed to supress their onslaught, and Tessa leaned with hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

“Grand Enchanter Fiona?” Solas muttered, and they all saw her. The enchanter began her relentless attack, as the mages of the Inquisition conjured spiritual shields to protect the group, but Fiona was ruthless.

“Stop!” Tessa yelped while deflecting Fiona’s spells, “Why are you doing this?”

“The Elder One offered us the help we desperately needed. He offered us our honour back! I am simply repaying him.”

“You don’t have to do this.” Tessa screamed as she took damage and felt one more injury forming on her skin, “Please, stop. Stand with us. It isn’t too late.”

“With you?” She laughed, “Where were you when the Chantry was planning to execute us all? Off saving the Templars, yes? So yes, _it is too late, Herald_. You are a mage! How could you turn your back to us? Traitor!”

The warriors could not get close enough to Fiona, thus Cole threw a dagger on her leg, setting her off balance while she was distracted with a rain of spells and arrows. Tessa tried to make her see reason, but the enchanter was too focused on her hatred. She was on the floor, bleeding and attacking, and when Tessa hesitated, Vivienne finished her.

As they recovered from the battle with Fiona, hisses filled the air and all the moonlight was vanquished by huge black wings. The dragon came from above, thrashing its wings and flying lower and lower. Tessa yelled at the soldiers to aim faster, while her companions slowly began to walk away, rehearsing a retreat. As soon as the soldiers were done, all of them started to run, frantic, with Tessa on their rear. She glanced back, and saw the dragon flying dangerously low, its throat turning red as it prepared to exhale doom on them. She focused as she never had before, and conjured a massive shield to safeguard her friends from the odd fire.

“Tessa!” She heard Cassandra yelling.

“Go!” She screamed, feeling her feet sink on the snowy ground.

“No, we won’t leave you!” Sera shouted, crying.

“I can’t hold on for much longer!” She was now being pushed back by the dragon’s ferocity. “Go, Sera, _NOW_!”

Sera was reluctant to leave, and Blackwall had to grasp her and throw her over his shoulder as they fled. Even with all her will, Tessa was not strong enough to keep the shield. Her head was heavy in pain, and her nose started to bleed. The dragon had one more push, and Tessa’s shield dissipated, and the impact of the dragon’s breath with the ground hurled her away. She rolled a few times, tilted and broken, until she was laid on her back. Her head, arm and ribs hurt to the point she could not get up swiftly. When she did, she saw a twisted, skeleton-like creature. Long arms and fingers as daggers, with chunks of red lyrium attached to the retracted skin, and parts of the body dark as crow feathers.

The dragon landed with a quake behind her, and she shivered, scared. _Maker, please, not like this_. The dragon hissed, dangerously close to her, and Tessa closed her eyes, waiting for its teeth to rip her flesh. She saw the image of Cullen grinning to her; she felt the taste he left on her lips… She smiled, waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are, as usual, much appreciated.
> 
> Love :*


	19. Between the mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald is lost, and the Inquisition struggles without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! So sorry about the long, long wait, probably the longest yet. Life has been crazy lately, and I got a job, so I don't know how often I'll be posting. However, I know exactly where this story is going, with lots of references, to name a few: The Witcher 3, Final Fantasy XV, Wonder Woman... so it's a win, right? x)

It was a tunnel.

Dark, large, and empty. Maybe a secret passage to another world. Maybe the passage to the world of the dead. It was made of rocks and boulders, all covered in ice, forming frozen and sharp fingers from the top. The ground was also made of slippery stones, but there was portions of rotten wood scattered around. There was wood at the top as well, and a hole was proudly formed where Tessa fell. Maybe that place was a shelter of old, that had frozen into pure ice – almost.

She was under a pile of spikes and pieces of wood, unconscious from the trauma. The avalanche she caused to attack Corypheus got her, and she rolled, banging like a child’s ball, between the ground and the hard snow until she collapsed against a rail and land on a fragile wooden lid, that broke on impact. She started to regain consciousness, without knowing where she was or if it was all a hallucination before death. Her fingers were stiff and ached from the effort, and her eyes took a while to open. A slight line of saliva was sliding from the corner of her mouth, and she could feel the delicate and metallic taste of blood. She tried to get up, but her ribs throbbed, and she squirmed back to the ground, feeling the pain spread on her right shoulder. She touched it with difficulty, and realised it was dislocated. Tessa tried to turn over her left side, but a brutal pain stretched from her stomach to her back, making her scream and give up. She pushed away some of the wood and got to her knees, sitting on her ankles, with great struggle.

The dizziness and nausea made her vision blur, and an annoying buzz had installed inside her head. Tessa squeezed her eyelids shut, and rubbed her temples, feeling the skin of her belly to stretch until it hurt just above her hip, making her look down. A lean piece of metal had penetrated her torso, from the stomach to the back. Tessa had to take deep breaths while her chin and hands started to shake as she decided to remove the spike. She grasped it with her left hand, and pulled as quickly and strongly as she could, the pain almost blinding her. She had to lean on her hand to keep herself from falling back to the ground. Tears and blood started to poor out of her, as she placed her hands on the both ends of the wound, cauterizing them with the remaining strength within her. The unbearable sting and the smell of burnt flesh made her faint once more.

When she regained consciousness, Tessa tried sitting on her ankles more hastily, and grabbed a long, thick plank for support, using it as a cane. She managed to walk well a short distance, to a broken pole, where she leaned for she felt her head spin and nausea. She inhaled deeply and tried to walk again, feeling her right ankle failing. Losing her balance, she fell painfully to the ground on her knees. She tried to move her foot through the pain, and tried to conjure a healing spell, but she was too weak. She search for a small plank, and ripped the hem of her cloak, improvising a splint for her ankle, praying to the Maker it would help her. She held the cane once more, and got up on her feet, walking as best as she could through the only way the tunnel offered.

Her left hand trembled under the atacamite glow of the mark – _or is it Anchor now?_ –, the light emanating from it agitating. Tessa heard gasps in a distance, as she felt the tremor spreading up her arm violently. She made an effort to see better, spotting two demons waiting for her, though she was too weak to fight, feeling the restlessness of Anchor, begging for release. She walked slowly and warily, stretching her arm to the demons, battling to maintain her balance with the cane. A green, savage blaze found its way from Tessa’s hand to the demons, sucking them to oblivion. The Anchor stabilized, and she was able to go on, with hard and painful paces.

Tessa tripped upon reaching the end of the tunnel, unaware of the small step hidden under the dense layer of snow. She hit the soft ground with a cry of surprise, the cane escaping her reach, her face gently skimming the snow. It was then that the freezing wind of mountains winter grasped her body, making her shiver aggressively. She dragged herself to pick up the cane again, groping her ribs and shoulder, trying to secure her cloak around her body uselessly. She got up again, the wind making her hair bang against her shoulders and her face, and her cloak escaped from her grasp. She sighed, marching through the knee-high snow, the fierce wind, and the glacial temperature.

* * *

The scouts reported the next day with no updates about Tessa’s location, and Cullen was sure he would punch a wall if there were any. Instead, he growled angrily, his men glancing at each other cautiously because of his reaction. They took no time to disperse as he waved them away. Cullen remembered how lyrium helped him in those sorts of situation, and felt his hands clench so hard he could swear he felt his fingernails digging their way through his glove to his skin.

The mood around the camp was deteriorating at each passing hour, and the news brought by the scouts made it fell into the deepest of silences, with the round of prayers being the only exception. Cullen could see Leliana and Josephine holding hands, heads bowed, sharing a moment of faith, while Cassandra knelt in front of a wooden bench, her eyes closed and lips quietly offering words of belief. Sera was attending to the round of prayers dutifully, even if she stayed in the back. Blackwall, after a while, joined her but soon participated actively, leaving the elven rogue to her loneliness. Vivienne remained isolated and quiet, casting minor fire spells to keep the camp warm, and fortifying the protective barrier she erected. Solas had told Cullen the benevolent spirits kept an eye on Tessa, seeing as she caught attention in the Fade, thanks to the mark on her hand. The elf spent most of his time dreaming, communicating with the spirits to learn about Tessa. He kept updating Cullen and the chief of the scouts, but the snow hid her traces, being next to impossible to locate her. During his moments awake, Solas helped Vivienne with the camp’s protection. Varric also prayed, alone and timid, surprising Cullen with his devotion to Andraste. The Iron Bull had a different ritual, maybe it was a qunari habit, in which he was beaten with a stick on the chest as he swore. Whenever Cullen saw Cole, the young man was offering help and comfort to those in need. Dorian continued with Mother Gisele and Chancellor Roderick, casting healing spells on the wounded cleric as the revered mother used elixirs to try to ease his pains. It was excruciating to see the man that way, agonizing while he was dying slowly.

Cullen entered his tent and threw himself on his knees, praying franticly to the Maker to protect Tessa when he could not, praying to not let her die alone and frozen, to bring her back to them, to _him_ … he asked for calmness and patience to fulfil his duties to the survivors of the attack. Last, he asked for strength and perseverance to search for the woman he loved. A wave of consciousness ran through his veins and thoughts as he realised he in fact loved her. _With all his heart, he loved her._ She was easily seven years younger than he was; more impulsive than he was; just as stubborn; more tolerant – but became as fierce as a dragon when she could no longer be patient; she had more compassion, more empathy, was funnier, smarter, and wittier than he could ever be. She was the strongest, most beautiful woman he knew. She was too good for him, and for some insane reason, she wanted to be with him. _She must be more senseless than I thought,_ he laughed, thinking about the light that danced on her blue eyes when she smiled. The warmth of her body when he kissed her was fresh in his mind, and that, that memory, along with the promise she made him, pulled him up to his feet, with refreshed resolve. He grabbed a thick blanket, and left the tent.

The Commander marched to Rylen, putting him in charge of the Inquisition forces, and walked to Dennet, requiring the most healthy and rested mount. The horse master nodded, and prepared a magnificent chestnut stallion, so that Cullen could ride to valley, away from the mountains protection.

“Is he resistant?”

“Very,” Dennet replied, brushing the protective cloth on the horse’s backside, “Built for the cold. Firm on his legs, and strong on his back.”

Nodding, Cullen pulled the horse by the reins to the central fire of the camp.

“Where do you think you are going?” He heard Cassandra’s inquiry from behind him.

“I am going to look for Tessa.” He retorted to the Seeker’s sigh.

“What did I tell you yesterday? Are you really that stubborn or just stupid?”

“Maker, you’re really trying to offend me these days.”

“I said I go with you. Why are you leaving without me?”

“Cassandra,” he turned to face her, “I appreciate your intention, but I agreed to your request in the heat of the moment. It will be dangerous.”

“All the more reason for me to go and not leave you alone.”

“Cassandra…”

She did not wait to hear Cullen’s plea, as she marched to master Dennet and begun preparations of her own. Cullen took a bag and filled it with two flasks of water, a bit of food, two flints, and another blanket. Cassandra brought two more inside her bag, and one extra blanket attached to the saddle of her horse.

He saw, by the corner of his eye, Sera approaching timid, a lot different from her usual self, and he turned to look at her. She asked, from the distance, for him to get her friend back. He nodded, trying to assure both of them he would.

“Are you leaving?” Leliana’s voice echoed slightly, startling him. “I’m sorry; I did not mean to surprise you.”

“It’s alright. The scouts did not bring us good news.”

“You don’t want to send another team before you leave?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Are you well rested for this, Cullen?”

“Maker’s breath, Leliana,” he roared, “I’m fine.”

“If you say so, then I believe you. Just be careful. I do not wish to send Mia a letter in case…”

 _Maker, Mia…_ He rubbed his closed eyes with his fingers as he remembered he had not sent any news to his sister. _If the cold does not kill me, she sure will_.

Cassandra stood by his side, already on the back of her steed – leaner and possibly faster than his mount – and waved him and Leliana. He climbed to the saddle of his stallion, and rode up the valley with the Seeker by his side, the harsh wind of winter kissing their bodies.

It was early in the afternoon, and the wind and snow were so relentless it made no difference the sun was out. He curled inside his mantle for protection, and saw by the corner of his eye that Cassandra did the same.

They silently rode and left signs to facilitate the way back to the camp. They exchanged a few words about what direction they should take and whether they should search where the scouts did before them. Other than that, they did not converse until nightfall and the cold got severer.

Both of them shouted Tessa’s name every five minutes, hopeful, but only the wolves and the wind howled back in response. For a moment, in the dense darkness of the night, Cullen thought he saw something in the outskirts of the forest before them.

“Did you see that?” He asked Cassandra, pulling the reins to stop his horse.

“See what?” She looked around confused, and a weak sparkle lit.

“There!” He pointed.

Cassandra stared at him with wide eyes, and they put their horses on march carefully so the animals were not tricked by the snow. Cullen squinted, and saw a small, dark silhouette leaned against the bark of a tree. He got down his horse and ran, tripped and fell, got up and kept running, feeling the bag bumping on his back. He called for Tessa, screamed her name. He fell on his knees in front of her and sobbed when he realised she was still breathing.

“Tessa?” He called for her, cupping her face, “Tessa, can you hear me?” She opened her eyes weakly, and curved her lips in a small, fragile smile. “Oh, thank the Maker.”

He brushed the hair off her face, and saw how dark they were, with flakes of snow and ice on the strands of her hair. Her skin was pale in a blueish shade, and her lips were chapped and purple. Her eyebrows, eyelashes and the blood of her wounds had frozen, and she shivered oh-so lightly it was almost imperceptible. Cassandra was already by their side, and let a gasp escape from her mouth, as she offered Cullen two of the blankets she brought to their Herald. Before he wrapped the blankets around Tessa, Cullen took off his cloak and put it on her, as she let weak moans of pain fall from her lips. As far as he could tell, she had broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder.

“Cassandra, help me out here.” He call for the Seeker, who crouched beside him. “She has a dislocated shoulder. I need you to hold her while I… put it back in place.” Cassandra nodded and held Tessa as gently as she could. Cullen turned to Tessa, caressing her face, “This will hurt a bit.”

With a quick, strong movement, he pushed her shoulder back, under her small sighs of discomfort. He watched her worried, knowing that would make most people scream in pain. He looked to every part of her, and realised she improvised a splint for her ankle, a cane to walk and had lost her staff. Cullen wrapped the blankets around her, and carried her soft and fragile body to his horse. She still kept her eyes open, and made an effort to keep looking at him, while her breathing got weaker and weaker.

“Cullen…?” She managed to speak, her head resting on his chest.

“Yes, Tessa, I’m here.”

“Good… I was… worried…”

He smiled bent his head to gaze at her, seeing her eyes shutting slowly.

“Tessa, Tessa.” He shook her gently. “Stay awake, alright? Keep your eyes open.”

Cassandra followed them closely, watching attentively to help Cullen walk with that snow. She helped him put Tessa on his mount, holding her as he sat on the saddle. He let Tessa’s body rest on his, feeling her weight on his chest and arms, as Cassandra mounted and took the lead back to the camp. After a while, he realised Tessa was unconscious in his arms.

They arrived in the middle of the night under the observant eyes of the camp. Iron Bull took Tessa smoothly from Cullen’s horseback, and took her to the biggest tent ever made, with Cullen following him closely. Josephine moved away so they could enter, and the qunari laid Tessa down on an improvised bed made of animals’ furs and blankets, near a brazier. Mother Gisele, Vivienne, Josephine, Leliana and Cassandra were present, preparing hot cloths, potions, bandages, poultices, and opening tomes for powerful healing spells.

Bull headed to the exit and started to pull Cullen out, under the Commander’s protests, determined to stay by Tessa’s side. The qunari then pull him harder, yanking him out the tent.

“Look, I know you and the boss are fooling around. I know you care about her. I don’t know if you two have fucked yet…” Cullen stared at him angrily, “…and I honestly don’t care. All I know is that she needs space to heal, and you better respect her privacy now.”

Cullen resigned, and sat heavily outside the tent, listening to everything that was happening inside. He turned his face up until he could watch the stars above, and recited the Chant of Light mentally. By his peripheral vision, he could see Sera approaching, with a huge blanket around her, holding a basket of berries.

“Hey, General Uptight.” She called for him.

“Thought my moniker was ‘Curly’.”

“That’s Varric’s moniker for you.” She enlightened. She sat by him and offered her half-frozen berries. He took a handful and started nibbling them. “You brought her back.”

“I did.”

“How is she?” Cullen sighed and glanced at Sera, showing her through his eyes how worried he was. “Oh… but… she’ll be alright, yeah? She has to. She is strong and… risked her life for us…”

“I know. But she is in a bad shape…”

“She’ll recover. I know she will.” The elf stood up, and offered him more berries, “Thank you. For bringing her back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Did anyone notice the Tomb Raider reference? Hahaha  
> Comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading! :*


	20. Reuniting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald is tended to, as the Inquisition's leaders still struggle to find their way.

There was a certain oddness, and yet, a familiarity about that place. It usually had birds singing their songs, soft wind blowing their feathers and people’s hair, the rustle of the trees was ever there. However, things were still, as if frozen in time.

It was the Trevelyan Vineyard, she recognized immediately. It was just outside Ostwick, and she had only been there two or three times in her life, and, even if it was a distant memory, it was still one of her favourite places in the world. It was a work of art what her grandfather made of that place. It was, before the Trevelyans arrived, a dead meadow. In every corner there was straw, yellow and lifeless. Her grandfather, Lord Philip Trevelyan II, was a nature enthusiast, and did everything in his power to make the vineyard thrive once more, as it did so long before them, according to the city’s archives.

Tessa strolled between the vines, feeling the leaves with her smooth touch, the grapey smell filling her nose. She felt the sun kissing her skin just as she felt it when she was younger, and the colourful horizon mesmerised her the same way it did then. She soon realised it was a memory she was reliving.

Far from the grapevines, by the willow tree, there was a slim figure. She could not see it who that person was, but she had no sense of danger. She kept walking, marching to that one person that was in her memory. Her breathing was steady even though she felt her heart hammering hard inside her chest in anticipation.

“Hey, sister. Took you long enough.”

The young man turned to face her. He was holding a single willow leaf, making it dance between his fingers. His hair was dark brown and fell over his forehead. The stubble, the same colour as his hair, added to his charm, as he watched her attentively with the same big blue eyes she inherited. He looked exactly as she remembered from the time he last visited her.

She did not say anything – it was not necessary –, but she hugged him on sight. She squeezed him tight between her arms and did not let go, even under his protests. She heard his laugh, and felt him patting her back.

“What are you doing here, Fred?” She asked, finally letting him go.

“Came to check on my baby sister.” He pushed her gently as a jest. “How are you? It has been a long time.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He sat on the grassy ground and made a gesture for her to do the same. “You didn’t answer my question, Tess. How are you?”

“Oh, just… overwhelmed.”

“By what?”

“Everything. There’s so much craziness in the world now, I don’t know how long I’ll remain sane.”

“Right. That Corypheus fellow. We’ve been talking about him, they’re saying a lot about him.”

“Who is ‘we’ and who is ‘they’?”

Frederick grinned and did not reply.

“Brother. Where are we?”

“You don’t recognise it?” He lifted his brows, surprised. “It’s our family’s vineyard.”

“It seems like it, but it doesn’t _feel_ like it. Is this the Fade?”

“In a way. It is your mind, as well as another realm of the Fade, away from the dangerous spirits and the demons. We’re safe for now.”

“Does this mean I’m dead?”

“No, you’re unconscious, but not dead.” He lowered his eyes and stared at his feet for a moment before looking up to her again.

“What is it?”

“We don’t have much time, sister. I came here at a great risk. You should know, you will not be safe until Corypheus is dealt with. He escaped the avalanche you started, and _he is coming for you_. Surround yourself with people you can trust, for he will not be merciful with you. You spoiled his plans when you helped the Templars, and now, after what you did in Haven, he is after your head, and will not stop until he has it. _Stop him first, or everything is lost_.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Remember what Dorian said to you? ‘You were always resourceful’. You already threw a mountain on Corypheus’s head. You will figure it out, and you are not alone. Don’t act like you are. Remember that.”

“Why are you telling me all this, brother?”

“Because it doesn’t matter if I’m gone from our material world. I will always find a way to help you. You hold the power of our salvation in your hands. Use it wisely. Protect your people.” He smiled fondly to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t forget about you, and be true to yourself.”

Tessa did not know what to say, and she simply remain quiet with her thoughts. Frederick looked around, getting a little agitated.

“You should go now, sister, it’s not as safe as before.” He smiled again, and pulled her to a loving hug. “Wake up and be the hero you all need.”

* * *

It had been almost two days since they found Tessa, and she spent most of the time unconscious. Mother Gisele and Dorian tended to her wounds and took care of her during the short periods of time when she was awake, feeding her and giving her healing potions to drink. Cullen visited her whenever he could – he only found her resting –, but his duties were taking much of his time.

There was still no perspective of moving from that valley in the middle of nowhere to a place where people could rest and eat properly. Their food and field rations were running out, and the hunters had no luck on the nearby forest. They had to get out of there soon, or all would be for nothing.

He was coordinating with a group of scouts when he saw Sera going inside Tessa’s tent. As the minutes went by and he made sure the scouts had the map memorised, the elf left and went to Cassandra, pointing to the tent. Several more minutes and a few laughter from within the tent later, he saw the Seeker leaving, coming back with servants carrying something like a bath, and buckets and buckets of steamy water. The male servants left, and Cassandra and the serving girls spent a lot of time there – helping Tessa with a bath, he assumed –, and then they came out with the buckets. He was with the scouts still when he heard the Seeker's voice from behind.

“Cullen, Tessa is awake and she is asking for you.”

Nodding, he commanded the scouts to coordinate with Leliana, and excused himself, eager to see how the young mage was doing. From outside, he politely asked permission to enter, which the sweet sound of Tessa's voice granted. He stepped inside nervously, for he had not seen her awake since they found her.

He found her settled on the improvised bed, struggling with a very large tunic. He thought about how endearing and spontaneous she was, and he smiled to himself. As his eyes wandered through her body, he saw bandages wrapping her shoulder as a support, and bandages from the breasts to the hips. His heart ached a bit from the image and the knowledge that he was powerless to protect and take care of her the way she needed.

“There you are,” he said when her head popped out the tunic, “thought you got lost in the way.”

“Hah! Yeah, I was starting to think that myself.” She jested as she put her arms inside the sleeves. The tunic was too big for her. She analysed herself and frowned, stealing a laughter from Cullen’s lips for a moment.

“How are you?” He asked, worried.

“I’m fine, a little sore, but fine. Really. I just overslept a bit, I guess.” She grinned and indicated the edge of her bed for him to sit. He obliged happily.

“I think you're entitled.” He smiled fondly, as she waved her arms to feel more comfortable with the gigantic clothing. As the sleeves slid down to her elbows, thin black lines, as skeletal claws, marked her left wrist. “What happened?”

“Oh, this?” She glanced down and back to him. “You want the short version or the long one?”

“The long one, please.”

“Alright.” She sighed and bit her bottom lip. “Did anyone told you about our encounter with the dragon?” Upon his denial, she continued.

She spared him no details about how she conjured a magical shield to protect her companions from the dragon’s fiery breath, obligating them to leave her behind as she kept it up for them to escape. She told him how she put all of her strength to protect them, how the overwhelming force of the dragon drained her mana, and how she faltered. She told him about how the impact made her fly for a moment, and how the beast’s master showed himself as she still recovered. She told him how he is a slim, tall figure, with dark raven feathers and chunks of red lyrium attached to his skin. He was monstrous, as a children’s storybook villain, and called himself Corypheus, claiming to be one of the magisters who assaulted the Golden City. She paused for a moment, with a pained look on her face.

“I thought I was going to die. As his dragon landed behind me, so close I could feel its breath, I thought it was going to…” She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed once more, as Cullen listened to her attentively. She resumed, saying that Corypheus grabbed her by the wrist, and tried to remove the _Anchor_ , how he called the mark. He said she was using it to undo his work, and that she had spoiled it with her stubbornness. “It is permanent, he said. He got angrier because of this information, and threw me. I hit my back on the trebuchet – Cassandra says I have a huge hematoma to display. Then I managed to shoot the trebuchet and Corypheus and his beast got distracted. I glanced to the mountain, and ran as fast as I could, but it was not enough. The avalanche got me, and I remember feeling like a bouncy object, until all went blank. I woke up in a sort of shelter or cave, and there was a…” She cleared her throat briefly, “metal spike pierced into my torso, from stomach to back. When I removed it, I had to use my remaining strength to cauterise the wounds, for they were bleeding too much.”

Cullen had a serious look on his face. He was not sure about what to think, for he felt as Tessa did not deserve to go through such an ordeal, and was, at the same time, overwhelmed by the massive wave of new information and danger. Could it really be possible that their enemy was responsible for the Blight? He did not know what to say to her, so he simply held her hand and squeezed it gently. She smiled and squeezed his hand back.

“Thank you.” She whispered unexpectedly. Cullen watched her face lighten up as she said the words. “Before you and Cassandra found me, I was… not sure I would survive, and you both made sure I did. And now… well… thank you for listening.”

“Anytime, Tess.” He brushed the back of her hand with his thumb, and let go of her hand, embarrassed. “Did you tell anyone else about all of this?”

“Cassandra. She will brief Leliana and Josephine.”

Cullen realised Tessa was flushed, and he blamed himself. In his mind, it was definitely because of his unwarranted touch. He felt his ears and cheeks burning, and he rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact.

“So…” He heard her trembling voice, “We should talk about… uh… the kiss we shared… shouldn’t we?”

His eyes went wide for a moment, and he mentally thanked she could not see the stupid look on his face. He cleared his throat and pulled himself together.

“Yes… I-uh… Forgive me for doing that… I thought…” He sighed, unsure of what to say.

Tessa waited for him, but when she noticed he could not finish, she spoke.

“You apologised already.” She smirked charmingly, and yet, bashfully.

“I know, but still…” He sighed nervously. “It feels like I forced a situation. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.”

“You didn’t, and I don’t. I enjoy being around you. Quite a lot, actually. I’ve come to care for you… a great deal.” Cullen’s lips curled up in a satisfied smile.

“You know I… want to be with you.” He said with his mustered courage and grasped her hand once more. “If you’ll have me.”

Tessa bit her bottom lip in a grin. She stared at him, tilted her head gracefully, and caressed his cheek with her free hand.

“You know…” She started, “I talked to Frederick recently, in the Fade. We were in a different realm, sculpted by my memories, a _safe_ realm. It was my family vineyard, and he was there, resting against a tree, in that careless way of his. He looked exactly how I remembered from the last time we saw each other, over ten years ago. And he told me something valuable, that I will carry with me. Because of what he said, I decided I want to be the best version of me. I feel that when I’m with you. I feel stronger. Sure, I can be strong by myself. However…” She glanced down for a moment, thinking of the words, “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I have been for so long… You make me a better person. So… yes. I’ll have you. A hundred times over.”

Cullen beamed happily and relaxed. He felt her hand sliding its way to his hair, and her fingers stroking his scalp. He pulled her other hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles before touching her forehead with his. They closed their eyes in expectation.

“I’m sorry about what you had to endure. I will not allow that to happen again. You have my word.” He felt her lifting her head, and their noses brushed slightly. He opened his eyes to see her. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

She smiled with her eyes closed, and Cullen leaned his head and kissed her lips. He cupped her face gently, as if he was afraid she would break, and he felt the soothing warmth of her palm on his thigh. They kissed affectionately, deeply, for as long as they could. They missed each other dearly, and they needed to touch and feel each other.

“Cullen, I– oh!” They broke the kiss upon hearing Cassandra’s voice. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave you to…”

“It’s alright, Cassandra.” Tessa chuckled, as she slipped her hand from Cullen’s hair to his chest. He let out a heavy breath, and frowned briefly, wanting to stay a little while longer with Tessa, aware the Seeker had come to collect him to a meeting with Leliana, Josephine, and herself. The mage glimpsed at him and supressed a laughter. “What is it?”

“We need him to resume discussions.”

“I will be there in a minute.” He assured, looking to Cassandra over his shoulder. When the Seeker left the tent, he turned his attention back to Tessa. “I should go.” She nodded, and he smirked. She stretched her neck to reach his lips, and kissed him. He got up to his feet and planted a kiss on the top of her head before heading out and leaving her inside the tent.

“Chancellor Roderick had just passed away.” Josephine announced.

“I will arrange the proper rites for his passing.” Leliana stated firmly, “It won’t be possible to do everything by Chantry standards, but we will make the effort. Mother Gisele will conduct the ceremony.”

“He deserves no less. He did more than redeem himself with us.” Cullen said with crossed arms, “If it wasn’t for him and the Herald, we would all be dead for sure.”

“Which lead us to our next topic…” Cassandra started.

He had no idea how, but when he realised, they were fighting and the night had fallen. The discussion had grown into a yelling competition, making the surrounding people wary and nervous. A headache had installed in him from the screaming and shouting; Cullen had to move away not to get even more upset and angry with his colleagues. A few moments later, Cassandra went away and started to study a map, and Josephine and Leliana sat on a bench. They were all exhausted and hopeless. He knew they were looking at each other questioning about their leadership. They needed someone they trusted as their leader, someone they would follow blindly into the dark to bring the light. That was what the Inquisitor title meant. They all needed an Inquisitor as soon as possible.

Cullen saw, by the corner of his eyes, Tessa leaving the tent with Mother Gisele’s aid. The Herald was limping, for her ankle had yet to be fully healed, but had a confident look on her face. She slowly marched to the improvised stables, where master Dennet was tending to the horses, and Silver came trotting to greet her mistress. The mare bumped her head on Tessa, who petted her gladly, as the cleric kept close and speaking to the Herald. The mage apparently did not agree with something the mother had said, and seemed like they were: hopeless and defeated.

A grave and gentle voice echoed a song he remembered singing when he left the Circle of Ferelden to recover. It was a hymn for the faithful, to muster their confidence for the best is yet to come. Mother Gisele was singing soft and yet loud, for everyone to hear. Tessa turned to her, baffled and surprised for a moment. Leliana joined the cleric’s chant with her high and sweet voice, and soon he did too, as everyone in the camp started to gather around Tessa, resonating the melody. That was the moment when he realised they were already rebuilding. The pilgrims, the servants, the scouts, the soldiers, the mages and the templars, all the people she saved, fell to one knee before the Herald of Andraste. They chose their leader. They chose their Inquisitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It is soooo different from the one I wrote originally. I have to say I like this one better, and I couldn't wait to show you. So, please, tell me what you think!
> 
> :*


	21. Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition finds a majestic fortress, as an Inquisitor is chosen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I hope you guys like this one. I'm bringing one more character to the bunch and a lighter chapter for you, after all that tension.

It had been two weeks since they found Skyhold through Solas and Tessa’s guidance, and less than one week since the role of Inquisitor was officially offered to Tessa. She was reluctant, claiming that leading was not suited for her, that she was better at following orders rather than giving them. She said responsibility was not one of her fortes. Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra all but stood by their decision, insisting that the people had chosen her.

“Why can’t one of you do it?” Tessa asked at some point. “I mean, you are the Left and Right Hands of the Divine, an accomplished diplomat, and an inspiring commander. You have far more experience than I.”

“Lady Trevelyan,” Josephine started with a kind smile, “coming from nobility, even if you were sent to the Circle at a young age, you must recall what the vassals do to pledge their loyalty. They bend the knee.”

Tessa sighed and looked away.

“What is your point?”

“My point is that they pledged themselves to _you_ , not us. They all knelt before you because they trust you, they believe in you.”

“They are utter fools, then. They shouldn't trust me to get us lunch.”

“You joke to hide your concern?” Leliana muttered with a playful grin on her face. “There's no need.”

“Make no mistake; it is because of your actions, your choices, your efforts to the Inquisition that Corypheus is after you personally.” Cassandra remarked with a serious look on her face. “And it is also because of all those things that we are here, alive to fight another day.”

“Cassandra…”

“Tessa,” Cullen called her and stared at her with gentle amber eyes, “you were already leading this Inquisition. Things will just be official now. You can do this.”

After a lot of pondering – and encouragement from Cullen –, Tessa finally accepted their offer. She made clear, however, that she would rely on them for advice often due to her inexperience on command.

She spent a great portion of her days talking to Josephine, signing letters for support, authorising missives, scouts’ and soldiers’ deployment, reading books from the library about command and war tactics, and keeping her magical studies up to date. She was making a huge effort to learn how to lead. Because of all that, Tessa and Cullen spent little time together, but neither one of them bothered - they knew it was for the best for now.

Tessa was at Skyhold’s tavern, The Herald’s Rest, with Dorian, taking a warranted break from her duties in a round table, with a book opened in front of them. She was a bit embarrassed at first, but Dorian was still as trustworthy as she remembered.

“So, you see, this word means 'temptation’. You get the picture now?”

“Oh,” she gasped feeling her ears burn, “y-yes.”

“I had no idea my baby cousin was into this!” He said with a satisfied and amused smirk behind his moustache.

“Please, stop.”

“Are you thinking about spicing things up? Get some practice? Something like that?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, _come on_! Give me a detail!”

“I will never.”

“You know I can share my wisdom.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why have you brought me this to translate, then? A book banned by the Chantry, of all things.”

“I was simply curious to know why it is banned.”

“You’re joking.”

“I am not.”

“That's really it?”

“Yes, Dorian.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.” Tessa grinned playfully, grabbed Dorian's glass of wine and took a small sip. “Maybe you want a glass of your own, cousin?”

“No, I’m fine with drinking from yours.”

He narrowed his eyes, but nodded.

“When was Varric supposed to be here anyway?” As Dorian said this, the tavern door opened, revealing a dwarf and a human laughing idly. “Never mind, my summoning powers never fail me.”

“Inquisitor! Sparkles!” Varric greeted them with a warm smile and arms open as he took a seat at the table, the human beside him sitting next to him. “Sorry we’re late, we were just catching up. This is Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Inquisitor Tessa Trevelyan, and Dorian Pavus. Sorry, man, I don't know Tevinter titles.”

“It’s fine.” Dorian said, drinking his wine next. "Nice to meet you."

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Tessa said politely.

“You too,” the raven-haired woman with the palest and brightest blue eyes Tessa had ever seen smiled back, “though it’s just Hawke. I don't use that title anymore.”

Tessa giggled.

“And it’s just Tessa. I am still not used to my new one.”

“It’s pompous.”

“It’s unnerving.”

Hawke laughed and raised her hand asking for two mugs of ale.

“I suppose it is. You know what they say, with great power comes great responsibility.”

“Yeah,” Varric cleared his throat, “she is not big on that yet.”

“Oh!” Hawke chuckled as the ale was served, “We will get along so well, Tessa.” She took a sip, “This is good ale. Anyway, Varric tells me Corypheus is after you.”

“Yeah, I thought you could help,” Varric said to Hawke, “you and I did fight him.”

“Well,” she turned to Tessa, “you already threw half mountain on his head, I don't know how much help I can provide.”

“Anything at all. You did save Kirkwall from a horde of rampaging Qunari.”

“Is there a horde of rampaging Qunari?”

“There is _one_ Qunari,” Dorian said idly, “he qualifies as a horde, but thankfully he’s on our side.”

“Thankfully.” Hawke jested.

They talked about Corypheus and Hawke’s history for a while; about how the Grey Wardens used the blood of Hawke's father to have Corypheus imprisoned, and how he influenced them into releasing him. The four concluded that the Grey Wardens might have been corrupted to aid the creature on his current plans.

“I have a friend in the Order; he is being hunted because he spoke against their plan. He is being branded as a traitor. Again.”

As Hawke finished the sentence and took her mug in hand, the door opened one more time. They all turned to see who it is, and the Champion’s face lighted up in delight. She stood up, and threw her arms around Cullen's neck, hugging him tightly.

“Knight-Captain!”

Tessa could feel the eyes of Dorian, Varric and Cullen on her, as she watched the Commander flushing violently with the unexpected reception.

“That's not my title anymore.” He corrected Hawke, patting her back so she would let go of him. “What are you doing here, Hawke?”

“Oh, you know,” she got back to her seat as Cullen takes the one between Tessa and Varric, “I’m having a sleepover with my favourite dwarf.”

“Cassandra is going to kill you, you know that, right?” Cullen muttered to Varric.

“Ah, Curly,” Varric tapped the table with an annoyed look, “why do you have to ruin this moment? We are having fun.” He furrowed his brow, “What are _you_ doing _here_? I have never seen you having fun. I was just about to tell Her Inquisitorialness to give you mandatory fun-time.”

“What? I have fun!” Cullen protested.

“Calibrating the trebuchets is hardly fun, Commander.” Dorian said with a grin. “Here, have some light reading.”

“ _Dorian!_ ” Tessa's eyes went wide with urgency as she snitched the red cover book from the mage’s hand just before he could give it to Cullen.

“Should I ask?” Hawke joked.

“You should not.” Varric clarified.

Tessa saw by the corner of her eyes that Cullen was looking at her with confusion. She sighed, well aware her cheeks were blushed, and excused herself, holding the book tightly to her chest. Cullen's eyes locked on her, as they often did, as she marched gracefully to the counter to request more beverages. He could not help but watch her swaying hips, hypnotised by the delicate movements she made while she moved. When she turned with a jar of ale and a mug, their eyes met and locked. He could see her throat bobbing when she swallowed, and the corner of her lips curving slightly up. She looked down filled with shyness, he knew, before looking up again. She placed the mug in front of Cullen, and the jar in the middle of the table, and sat back on her chair, as the five continued to talk idly about nothing and everything. Dorian raised his hand to order more wine, and as soon as the serving girl filled his glass, Tessa quickly grabbed it and took a big sip.

“Maker’s breath, Tessie!” The mage protested, “You drank half of it already!”

“I’ll give you a whole bottle when I travel to Val Royeaux next time. I’ll even ask your preference.” She kissed him gently on the cheek, making one of Cullen’s eyebrows rise.

“I’ll hold you on that, you know.” Dorian remarked with a grin, squeezing her shoulder.

“I know.”

Cullen felt confused about their interactions. Their exchanged smiles and small caresses were making him jealous. Utterly jealous, if he was honest with himself. He also pondered of the book Tessa did not want him to see, that she was holding like a precious thing. Still, he stayed with them for a while, chatting and laughing, acting as if he did not mind – he did not want her to think he was jealous. However, the thought of her not wanting to be with him hammered on his head constantly. Eventually he excused himself and went back to the tower he chose to be his office.

It was still a mess, with books Josephine ordered in a box, the furniture at the corner, waiting for him to place them. The tower had also a ladder to a loft where he was sleeping. There was a hole on the ceiling, but he did not care. He found it calming to watch the night sky as he tried to fall asleep. Cullen was trying to get distracted by the mountain of missives and reports about supplies, when one of the doors creaked open.

“I’m busy.” He said without seeing.

“Oh,” he heard the sweet sound of Tessa’s voice and immediately looked at her, “I’ll come later.”

She was about to close the door when he raced to her and stopped her. He grasped her wrist and pulled her softly inside.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see it was you.” He said smoothly, smiling awkwardly.

“It’s fine.” She smirked, “If you’re busy, I can…”

“I’m not busy.”

“But you just said…”

“I’m not busy _for you_.” He corrected.

“Oh.” She smiled openly, and he realised she was holding on to that mysterious book. “So… that’s Hawke, huh?”

“Yes. Cassandra will eat Varric alive.” He said as he tried to organise the piles of books.

“Why?”

“You know she had Varric imprisoned too, right? That she was interrogating him?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, it was because of Hawke. She wanted to know where Hawke was. I think she and Leliana wanted to ask her to be the Inquisitor.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I don’t think she would have accepted, though. She supported the mage rebellion, even though she did not agree with Anders. She wouldn’t trust Cassandra.”

“It seems like you know her well.” Tessa said as she leaned against the table. Cullen glanced at her quickly.

“Ah, we were close, you know. At the end, I stood with her against Meredith, the Knight-Commander.”

“You rebelled? _You_?” She chuckled, amused by the idea.

“Why is that so hard to believe? Am I really that uptight?” He sighed.

“I’m sorry.” She giggled, and hid her mouth behind her hand. “Was that all? You just… stood with Hawke?”

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason in particular. I got curious when you said you were close. I... gathered that in the tavern.”

He quickly figured out where she was getting at, and could not help but feel a little pleased with himself.

“Yes, well… it happened.”

“You and Hawke? Really?”

“Once.” He grinned. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“No, no. Not jealous.” She shook her head. “Surprised is the right word. It’s just… I know you have a past, I just never thought I would meet them.”

“It meant nothing, trust me. Different from you and Dorian, it seems.” He tried to appear carefree as he said that, but he only got Tessa to narrow her eyes to him.

“ _Dorian_? Where does that come from?”

“Well, in Haven you two already knew each other, and I often see you with him, walking arm in arm through Skyhold, drinking from the same glass, kissing his cheek… There’s this book too,” he pointed to the red-covered book on her hand, “that I can only assume is _Carmenum di Amatus_. Now why you are reading it with him is the true mystery, since I thought you and I had made a commitment towards each other.”

“Oh, sweet Maker! You are jealous of Dorian!”

Tessa burst out laughing the second he finished his sentence. He could see tears forming on the corner of her eyes as her laughter filled his office.

“What’s so funny?”

“You really have no idea, do you?” She said drying away the tears with the tip of her fingers. “I forgot to tell you, but Dorian is my cousin. Distant in blood, but he was always close to us. And he likes men.”

“Oh.” Cullen’s brows went up in surprise, and he started to feel like an idiot. “Does he?”

“Yes. He asked me once if I was willing to share you with him.”

Cullen chuckled, as only a relieved idiot would.

“So you and Dorian never…?”

“Maker, no.”

Cullen marched to her slowly, and grasped her waist. She put down the book, and rested her hands on his arms around her. He kissed her neck smoothly, as he felt her hands wandering his arms and shoulders.

“So, I have a question if you’ll indulge me.” She started in a husky voice.

“Mhm…?”

“Besides Hawke, how many have you, you know… been with?”

“You don’t want to know.” He answered between the kisses he peppered on her neck, pulling her body closer to his.

“That many, huh?”

He chuckled and did not reply, but kept his caresses. One of his hands went to the back of Tessa’s head, and he gently pulled her hair back so he had better access. He kissed his way to her lips, still pulling her close to him, as she slowly surrendered to him.

“What about you?” He asked in a low voice, with his hands skimming through her body. She giggled when Cullen bit her bottom lip.

“What about me?”

“How many men?”

“Men? Just the one.”

Cullen stopped and glanced at her with a quirked brow.

“Why did you…” He furrowed in confusion, and then grinned, “Have you been with women?”

“A few… not many.”

“Maker’s breath, what are you doing to my head, you temptress?”

The Commander kept grinning, even when Tessa pulled him to a kiss. He took her in his arms and placed her on his table, positioning himself between her legs. He thrusted his hips towards her, rubbing his erection against her. She pulled his tunic from his trousers, and started working on his belt, as he gradually and slowly slid up her shirt by the hem. When she finally finished undoing his belt, she moved on to the laces of his trousers.

“Commander!”

The bang on the door was loud and urgent, just like the voice that called to him. Cullen decided to ignore, gesturing to Tessa to do the same. They kept on kissing deeply, and he could feel her small hand tracing its way to his cock.

“It’s important, ser!” Another bang.

Tessa distanced herself from Cullen just enough to look at him, and smiled wearily as she handled him his belt. He let his head hang, and sighed, defeated.

“What?!” He growled to the person at the door.

“It’s from Rylen, ser. About the Venatori activities.”

He watched Tessa with adoration, cupped her face and kissed her softly, while caressing her jaw. He looked at her as if apologising.

“Don’t worry, Commander.” She said jumping down the table, smiling and walking towards another door, one that led to a bridge connecting his tower to Solas’s study. “We have time. I’ll be with Josephine if you need me.”

He exhaled heavily as he watched her go. They did have time, there was no rush. He wanted it to be special with her, and for her. He wanted to make it work. Maybe he should go slow, let their relationship flourish before jumping into bed – or table – with her. He did not have relationship experience, and he was afraid of ruining everything by acting the way he always did with women. It was always about pleasure, and nothing else. This time, he had something that was unknown to him until her – he had love.

It was hard for him to let anyone come this close. It was hard to let anyone become his friend. It was like that with Rylen, Cassandra and Leliana. He always tried to push them away, keeping focused on his duties, but they were resilient and too good for him. Every time he stumbled, Rylen was there to hold him; every time he doubted himself, Cassandra was there to show him how capable he was; every time he was feeling down, Leliana was there to cheer him up. Even away from home, he still had two sisters and a brother. If it was not for them, maybe he would have struggle so much more to keep control when the lyrium withdraw hit or when he remembered the horrible things he did. He was afraid his past would repeat itself.

Especially because _he remembered everything_.

What he felt towards the mages, that dark side of him that brought to surface the worst part of him, crept within him, waiting and wanting him to succumb. However, he would resist one more time, and, Maker willing, he would resist forever. For his friends, for his family, for the Inquisition, for Tessa.

What he did as a Templar hunted his dreams and thoughts, and he could never get rid of the blame he felt. With Tessa around, things were so confusing. So ambiguous. It was both hard and easy at the same time. He kept his mind on atoning, making an effort to make things right by the mages. He needed to make things right by her. He wanted her to be happy, and he would make her happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading! :*


	22. To Crestwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The War Council tries to set a plan to disrupt Corypheus's, as Hawke offers an exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness. It has been so long (too long). There is no acceptable excuse for that, but, hey, here's a chapter for you!

The days that followed Olivia Hawke’s arrival filled Skyhold with an uneasy feeling of tension, due to a brawl between Cassandra and Varric. The Seeker was not accepting the fact that Varric concealed Hawke’s location from her – even if it was to protect his friend –, and sought a way to soothe her anger through her fists in Varric’s face. The situation was unnerving to everyone, but it was especially challenging to Tessa, who had her leading skills put to the test. At one point, she thrusted herself in between the Seeker and the dwarf to avoid a physical encounter. As the time went by, Cassandra and Varric grew more and more distant.

Because of that, Tessa made the decision of sitting down with the pair and worked as a mediator, alongside Leliana, Josephine and Cullen, to let both Cassandra and Varric to talk their problems and produce a fitting solution. At moments, it seemed they were going to cut each other’s throats, but Tessa had the control of the situation. In the end, everything worked out for the best, and the Seeker and the dwarf were at least sharing the same air peacefully.

After they solved that problem, another one immediately required the War Council attention. They needed Hawke’s friend safe and sound so he could provide aid to the matter of the Grey Wardens. A meeting was scheduled to happen at that evening, and Olivia Hawke’s presence was required.

They did not wait long, as the raven-haired woman strolled joyfully into the room. She quickly raised her hands in an apologetic stance, although her face was still playful.

“I feel like I have to apologize in advance.” She stated.

“Why is that, Lady Hawke?” Josephine asked politely as always.

“You know Loghain Mac Tir, right?”

“King Maric’s best friend? King Cailan’s general?”

“The one that betrayed him and got him killed at Ostagar?” Cullen questioned, his brow furrowed in suspicion.

“And put a price on Kallian and Alistair’s heads ten years ago,” Leliana continued, sighing as she examined one of the pawns in the map on the table, “and anyone associated with them. Including myself.”

Hawke scratched the top of her head, looking embarrassed.

“Yeah…” She cleared her throat. “That’s the one. Glad to see you don’t have any memory problems.” She giggled awkwardly.

“Why do you ask, Hawke?” Tessa broke her silence, watching the warrior with doubt and suspicion.

“Because she is about to tell us that Loghain is her contact in the Wardens.” Leliana said with no apparent expression, completely masking her feelings. Tessa knew by now that every time her Spymaster did such a thing, was because it had a deep meaning to her, for good or ill. The Inquisitor’s eyes went to meet Hawke, who simply confirmed with a nod.

“Maker’s breath, Olivia,” Cullen said in exasperation, “I can’t even begin to think of why you would associate yourself with that scoundrel.”

“Business, he helped me with some stuff, and I helped him in return.”

“So why are you trying to help him now, if your relation was just business?”

“Well first, he is not _that_ bad…”

“Not that bad? He betrayed the king!”

“... Second,” Hawke continued as if Cullen was not present, “he is now the Grey Wardens’ number one enemy. He knows a lot about what the hell is happening there, he is on the run, and _he can help us_.”

“It’s good enough for me.” Tessa stated calmly.

“You are not taking this serious, are you?” Cullen insisted. “The man…”

“Betrayed the king, I know.” She completed. “I was still a child within the Circle of Magi in the Free Marches, but correct me if I am wrong, Loghain was conscripted by Kallian Tabris, the woman who later became Warden-Commander of Ferelden, was he not? Because of that, his past crimes, including this betrayal, was pardoned, right?” She did not wait for a response. “This man can help us. He can shed a light upon this, and Maker knows we need it. I need to know what our next moves should be.”

“Yes, Inquisitor.” Everyone in the room said in unison. A crooked smile started to grow on Tessa’s lips, as she felt her confidence boosting slightly.

“Do you know where he is?” She asked Hawke.

“On Crestwood. He sent me word from his previous location letting me know where he was going.”

“Are you positive he is there?”

“Yes.”

“Alright…” Tessa sighed. “We received word from that village, did we not?”

“Yes, Lady Trevelyan,” Josephine quickly answered, giving a rest to her quill, “from the mayor. They are having problems with the rifts, same as the rest of Ferelden and Orlais, but he did say there are other issues. With undead coming out of Old Crestwood.”

“I had scouts there, and their report said that, in addition, there are grey wardens in the area, but they did not know what for.” Leliana said.

“They’re looking for Loghain, no doubt. He said the Warden-Commander of Orlais ordered his capture.” Hawke completed the information.

“Also,” Leliana continued, with a faint smile appearing in the corner of her mouth as she stared at Tessa, “they spotted a dragon there.”

“ _A dragon?_ ” The Inquisitor’s voice trembled with excitement, as the Spymaster giggled with grace, fully aware of Tessa’s adoration towards the winged beasts.

“Tessa, _please_ ,” Cullen’s voice was low as a warning, and yet filled with concern, “don’t go near the creature.”

“Argh, don’t you rain on her parade!” Hawke exclaimed with a grimace. “Let the girl enjoy herself.”

“Running around chasing dragons is hardly enjoyable.”

“To you, maybe.” Tessa muttered with a pout.

“I just want you to be safe.” The Commander whispered with loving and kind eyes, matching his tone. Upon realising Hawke watched him attentively with a question mark across her face, he cleared his throat. “Inquisitor.”

“So, demons, undead, grey wardens and a dragon.” Tessa continued, her cheeks rosy with embarrassment, “We need to get Loghain to safety, and the only safe place for him to be is here, inside Skyhold’s walls.” Tessa started, watching the map attentively. “Leliana, I need your best agents to extract Loghain and bring him here without raising any kind of attention. I suspect the Inquisitor and a small party will be enough distraction. I will be going to Crestwood with Varric, Dorian and Bull to provide assistance in any way we can.”

“It will be done right away.” Leliana said with certainty.

“We leave in two days. Get your people ready, Leliana.”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

 

* * *

 

Those two days flew as the wind in a beach. Leliana herself handpicked the Inquisition’s stealth specialists, and Tessa had seen them work. She could not tell they were there at all, she only saw the results, which spoke highly of their abilities. Dorian, Varric and Bull were also handpicked to show the Inquisition’s influence across Thedas, as a Tevinter mage, a Marcher dwarf rogue and a Qunari spy were joining forces to help the Inquisitor herself in the matters of the land.

Crestwood was Tessa’s first mission after they found Skyhold, and Cullen could not shake the feeling of unease from inside him. Ever since Haven, he kept a watchful eye on Tessa, even if she was just strolling around the fortress. He was always afraid that something could happen to her, even though he knew she would leave again to aid those in need. It was in her spirit and her soul that selflessness. If it meant protecting the people, he knew she would stay behind once more.

Inside his tower, looking down the slim window to the main courtyard, he saw her tying her bag on Silver’s straddle. He left quickly, and plucked a wildflower that was growing from between the boulders of the battlements, keeping it safe amid his fingers. He climbed down the stairway, two steps at a time, eager to see her closely and touch her one more time before she left. There were a few people watching her departure, wishing her and her companions safe travels and good fortunes on their objectives. Cullen flowed between them, excusing himself, but not really caring if he bumped into someone.

“Tess?” He called as soon as he stopped behind her. She had her dark blue cloak on, a black cotton tunic, ram leather vest and pants and knee-high leather boots. The copper of her hair was more intense due to the sunlight and the colours she wore. She turned, revealing the blue ocean of her eyes and the most endearing smile on her lips.

“Hi.” She said, simply.

“Hi.” He smiled and chuckled right after, feeling as a young boy, so different from the man back in the tower, where they almost laid together. He leaned towards her, and kissed her forehead as gentle as a cloud would be. “I, uh…” He cleared his throat as he stumbled with the words. It still amazed him just how clumsy he was around Tessa, as if she was the first woman he had ever talked to. He raised the flower he plucked to her face awkwardly, “For you.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed, genuinely surprise as she collected the gift, “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Cullen.”

“You’re welcome.” He said with a proud grin on his face. “Promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“That you will be careful. That you will not take unnecessary risks. And that you will come back safely.”

“Of course,” She beamed, “but what do you mean by ‘unnecessary risks’?”

He frowned.

“You know what I mean.” She kept pretending ignorance, making Cullen roll his eyes, “Don’t go after the dragon.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.” She pouted jestingly, “I promise I won’t attack the dragon. In fact, I won’t go near it. Unless it tries to kill us.”

“Tessa…”

“What, we can’t defend ourselves?”

He reprimanded her with his eyes, and she giggled as she moved toward him to hug him. He squeezed her small body, unwilling to let go. He felt her pushing him gently, raising her head to see him. Cullen leaned in her direction, removing the distance between their lips. As they kissed publicly, he could perceive his soldiers and Tessa’s companions cheering and clapping hands. It was utterly embarrassing, and yet satisfying to hear the commotion. Was it the first time they exchanged caresses in public? He honestly could not remember, but did not care.

“Ahem.”

Upon listening someone clear their throat, the couple broke their kiss and turned their heads towards the sound. It was Olivia Hawke, with a light backpack over her shoulder, grinning mischievously.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she quickly said, not letting the smile on her face die, “but where can I get a horse?”

“Are you going somewhere, Hawke?” Cullen asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“Well, Crestwood.” She replied as if it was obvious.

“You can’t go, Hawke.” Tessa declared unceremoniously. “We’ve been through this.”

“Oh, you were serious? Sorry.” She shrugged, and remained in place, “so, the horse?”

“You can’t go.” Tessa repeated, crossing her arms.

“Loghain is _my_ contact. You can’t just tell me to stay put as _my_ friend is out there, being hunted like an animal. I’m going.”

Tessa sighed, and Cullen scratched his brow in exasperation.

“Olivia, you will raise too much attention.” Tessa explained patiently, “The Inquisitor _and_ the Champion of Kirkwall, walking into a Maker-forsaken village?”

“So?”

“Come on, Hawke,” Cullen said. “I know you’re trying to wear us out by acting foolishly. Crestwood did not get the attention it needed during the Blight, but now there will be two major political figures there? What will you say? They are not daft; they’ll know something is amiss.”

“I can always say I’m just sightseeing. Besides, Loghain will attack you on sight, because he doesn’t know you, and if I’m not there, who will protect you, Inquisitor?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Tessa retorted.

“Hawke, be reasonable.”

“I am.”

“You are not going.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“Because I say so.” Tessa stated, with her authority-or-something-similar tone of voice. “As Inquisitor, standing right in the middle of the Inquisition’s fortress.”

“Using your title already I see.” The Champion nodded with a snort, “Well played. Fine, I’ll stay.”

She turned around, letting the bag on her back fall and dragging it back to the fortress, defeated.

“Sometimes she acts like a child.” Cullen whispered when he made sure Hawke was not on earshot.

“Her heart is in the right place.”

“I know, but she should not be this difficult.”

Tessa smiled once more, and hearing the companions that will accompany her in the mission, she raised herself on her toes, and kissed Cullen. He held her close and firmly, as he caressed her hair and waist.

“Be careful.” He said again.

“Yes, Commander. I will be back before you know it.”

With that, she rode her beautiful mare to the main gates, into the mountains that almost claimed her, surrounded by her faithful companions and Leliana’s agents as he watched with a heavy heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, short one :( but I'm going out of town for Christmas, and did not want to update this later, so I was kinda in a hurry.  
> Let me know if you enjoyed it in the comments :D
> 
> And, of course, merry christmas to all of us! :*


	23. A struggling Inquisitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa faces failure in a personal quest, as Cullen reveals his decision.

Her difficulty was subtle at first, and she could almost delude herself into thinking she knew what she was doing. As the time went by, though, it became more and more apparent that she was not in the same required pace.

“Where is your head?”

Fooling herself was one thing; it was a completely different one fooling her trainer. Tessa open her eyes, recognising her surroundings. It was the place Cullen took her when she returned from Crestwood, and the place she chose to be her private gardens, just skimming the grove near the fortress. Located east from Skyhold, it had a natural hedge fence, with colourful flowers poking out. The gardens were fairly secluded, away from the shouting soldiers and madness of the Inquisition, and, because of that, the chant of the birds was higher, as well as the chirping of the crickets. Tessa had just started to plant some trees and bushes, when her trainer asked for a private, calming place to practice.

“I…” Tessa started to try explaining herself.

“Feelings and emotions are ephemeral, but you need to control them.” The elven woman snorted, “You are not. We have been training for days and you still has not been able to summon your blade. It is a child’s task. So I ask again. Where. Is. Your. Head?”  
Tessa’s head had become a turmoil in the awake of Loghain Mac Tir’s arrival at Skyhold, the escape of Crestwood’s mayor, the need to attend to an Orlesian ball. The most urgent matter was the news Loghain brought with him.

Leliana’s elite agents had successfully collected the Senior Warden from Crestwood while Tessa, Dorian, Bull and Varric provided a distraction to the Wardens searching for him. The Inquisitor and her party effectively resolved the village’s most urgent issues, such as the undead crawling out of Old Crestwood, the rifts, bandits seizing control of a fort, and a dragon. The four claimed the fort for the Inquisition after dealing with the bandits; they fought their way through Old Crestwood, after using a dam to drought it – for it was flooded since the Blight by darkspawn. They closed the rift underground that was causing the dead to walk again. They spotted – and then killed – the dragon that was terrorising the farmers. In the meanwhile, they sealed all the rifts they saw through the area. After their success, the mayor fled, leaving behind a confession in a letter claiming responsibility for the flooding of Old Crestwood to prevent the Blight from spreading.

After arriving in Skyhold feeling victorious because of the positive result, a meeting with the War Council, Loghain and Hawke took place. Loghain told them everything they needed to know about the Grey Wardens’ disappearance, saying they vanished under orders from Warden-Commander Clarel. He claimed _all_ Wardens were now hearing the Calling, certain they will die soon. As a desperate consequence, they were willing to do whatever it took to end the Blight for good, including raising a demon army – which meant blood magic.

The Council set the Inquisitor’s next journey to the Western Approach, a wasteland in western-Orlais, where there was nothing but bizarre fauna, a high dragon, and Tevinter ruins suitable for blood rituals.

Tessa forced herself to concentrate on what was happening at that moment rather than preoccupations that would never leave her, and that would not help her.

“I’m sorry, Helaine.”

“Commander Helaine.” She corrected with an exasperated tone, “I do not care for excuses. I question myself if you have it in you to be a Knight Enchanter. The answer is becoming clearer at each passing day.”

“Wait…!”  
“Go train the sword techniques. You are dismissed.”

Nodding, Tessa turned on her heels cursing under her breath, feeling the failure weighing down on her. Ignoring the surroundings she loved from the moment she laid eyes on them, she walked through the natural archway the trees above formed, and marched to gates, heading to the main courtyard, turning left to secure a practice sword from the rack. As she felt the balance of the weapon on her hand, she thrusted herself to the training dummy, bringing down the sword for a high attack. With a thud, the dummy trembled under her strength, as she continued her merciless assault.

“Wow,” Tessa stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard the voice and turned her head to the sound, “what in the Maker’s name did that poor dummy do to you?”  
Tessa grunted, and did not reply. Hawke’s grin evaporated from her face.

“Alright… what happened?” The warrior asked with genuine concern in her eyes, “You’re usually very cheerful and not at all hostile.”

The mage tossed her sword away, and exhaled heavily as she dropped on the ground.

“I’m failing.”

“Failing? On what? Using your magic? Because you were using a sword just now…”  
“Yes.” Upon seeing Hawke’s puzzled look, she continued, “I’m failing on using my magic.”  
“What, seriously? That’s actually the first time I get one of these things right.” Hawke said with a little too much excitement, Tessa throwing her an annoyed expression. “Sorry, not funny at all. Okay, I’m no mage, but… maybe I can help?”

“I doubt it.” Tessa muttered looking down to the grass below her, plucking some of the small leaves to distract herself. She looked up, encountering Hawke’s wide sad eyes. “Ugh, not the puppy face, Hawke.”

“Come on, it always works!” She sustained her gloomy expression, cracking a smile from Tessa. “See? It is working already.”

“Helaine says I need to focus and control my emotions. However…”  
The young mage fended off, watching the movement of the people within her keep and protection. It was just another busy day in the Inquisition, people going through with their duties, and yet... Tessa sighed.

“I can’t. There is just too much going on, with all that information Loghain shared, the upcoming ball at the Orlesian Court, the rifts, the more and more people gathering here expecting our protection…”

Hawke stayed quiet for a moment, carefully considering her words.

“Well,” She said after a while, gazing at Tessa, “you’re right. It’s impossible to control our emotions. If Helaine claims she does so, she is either lying or she is a fool. You know what you can, in fact, control? What use you will make of them. You know?”  
The expression on Tessa’s face lighted up like a beacon, shifting from defeat into one of hope.

“You mean I can use my emotions in my favour?”

“Yes, that’s it. We cannot always control what goes on inside us, but we always have the choice to make the best out of it. Maybe you can use what you’re feeling to do whatever it is you need done?”  
“Yes!” She exclaimed excitedly, “You are absolutely right! Thank you, Hawke.”  
“Don’t mention it.”

“That was actually some good advice.” Tessa said with a smile as she kept her eyes on the people, “I must admit I was somewhat amazed by it.”

“Ha! I know, right?” Hawke chuckled proudly, “Although I _love_ to take credit for awesomeness, it is something someone said to me a while ago. Made a lot of sense back then, and I’ve been using it ever since.”

“Then make sure to give my thanks to this someone.”

“It may take some time. He is… not really around.”

“Oh. Is he…?”

“Dead?” Tessa nodded, “No, not dead. Just hiding. He has been living like this now. It’s what happens when you are the Templars’ number one enemy.”

Tessa frowned, gawking at Hawke, thinking about those words.

“Are you talking about Anders? The one who blew up the Chantry?”

Hawke chuckled sadly, throwing her head back to look at the sky above.

“Yeah, the one and only.”

Both women stayed quiet, an awkward silence lingering between them. Hawke kept her intense pale blue eyes on the clouds, as Tessa started to play with a tendril of her hair. She looked up, turning her gaze to Hawke.

“Thank you.”

Hawke lifted an eyebrow, confused.

“For what?”

“What you did in Kirkwall. Supporting the mages. It is a terrible thing what happened, and I am truly sorry that Anders felt like he needed to explode the Chantry to make people listen, but… it kind of worked. It is because of him and because of your support that the Conclave was going to happen. That we were given voice.”

“I wish he hadn’t done that…” Hawke whispered in a depressed tone, “but he felt like his hand was forced.”

“I know. I wish it hadn’t come to that either.”

More silence lingered between them. There was not much they could say, for they were too different. The Inquisitor kept her eyes on whatever there was in front of her, not paying attention to any of it anymore. She was deep in thought, trying to let Hawke’s words sink in, grasping them as she could. The Champion, on the other hand, was alert and aware, watching as the servants came and went, their legs moving fast and the leaves under their feet rustling frantic, listening to the roaring shouts of the soldiers’ training outside Skyhold’s walls, Cassandra’s scolding the new quartermaster, and spotting a shy young man waiting in a corner, looking expectantly at the two women in the grass.

“ _Ahem_ ,” Hawke cleared her throat when she realised Tessa had her mind elsewhere, “I think there’s someone here for you.”

Tessa blinked, startled, coming back to reality, smiling warmly to the man, who was now trembling. She immediately recognised him as Cullen’s messenger, and wondered why the Commander chose that insecure man to such a job.

“Yes?”

“I-I…” He stuttered, clearly nervous to be talking to the Inquisitor. “The Commander, that is, he is requesting your presence, ma’am. At your earliest convenience. Ma’am.”

“Oh, alright. I’ve been meaning to talk to him.” She said as her face brightened with a soft grin. “Tell him I’ll meet him in his tower in five minutes.”

“I… Of course…”

Tessa did not wait for the end of his sentence and prompted herself to her feet, turning to Hawke to say goodbye and then turning to the messenger.

“And _please_ do not call me _ma’am_ , makes me feel really old.” She beamed at the messenger, who flustered, coughed, nodded in agreement and sprinted to the direction he came from.

“I think you broke him!” Tessa heard Hawke’s voice from behind her, giggling as she raced to the quartermaster to pick up a valuable and precious object.

She slowly pushed the door open, peeking inside the office.

“Master Morris?” She called, stepping inside.

“Oh, Inquisitor! Forgive me!” A blond man appeared from behind a room divider, carrying a huge package in his hands. He gently, and yet nervously, placed the package on top of his desk, hurriedly putting his arms behind his back to conceal his shaking members. “It took longer than expected, I was not sure…”

“ _Eustace_. Relax.” Tessa reassured him, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, looking into his eyes to express her seriousness. “You are doing a good job so far, and you tend to get better. Trust in your potential, all right? Now take a breath.”

Quartermaster Morris obeyed, breathing hard and slow, nodding afterwards.

“Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“Don’t worry. I will let you know if there’s a decrease in your performance on this job, but so far, so good.”

The blond man once again projected nervousness, making Tessa shake her head as she left the room with the package secured in her hands. It was bigger than she remembered, and heavier. She hoped it was the right thing to do, as she climbed the staircase to the battlements to reach Cullen’s tower. Tessa stopped in her tracks before the wooden door, knocking softly.

“Come in.” She heard Cullen’s stern voice from inside.

She obeyed, stepping into his office with a shy smile on her face. Cullen was rubbing a cotton cloth over his face to wipe the sweat from his forehead, for he was, just moments before, training his soldiers. As soon as he laid eyes on her, his grave and professional stance swiftly transformed into one of relaxation and, paradoxically, seriousness. Tessa decided to ignore the mixed signs, and planted a kiss on his lips. Cullen placed his hands on her waist, trying to close the gap between their bodies, but incapable of doing so because of the package in her hands. He rested his forehead on hers, gazing intently into her eyes, and then to the box between them.

“What is that?”

“It’s…” She grinned, taking a step back from him, to fully drink from the sight of him with a ragged, wet tunic, “something I picked on Crestwood. For you.”

“For me?” His eyes went slightly wide in surprise as she nodded with a sweet beam, handling him what she had been holding.

Cullen furrowed his brow, keeping a small smile on his face, swept by curiousness. He opened the box like a small child receiving a present, furrowing even more as he touched interestedly its content.

“It is a… dragon’s tooth?” He looked up from the box, at her eyes.

“Yes!” She exclaimed excitedly, “The one from Crestwood!”

“The one you _killed_ in Crestwood.”

“Are you still upset about that?”

“Upset is not the right word… You had me really concerned.”

“Everything went fine, I told you.” She went up on the balls of her feet to cup his face and kiss his nose, “I wasn’t alone, and we were really careful.”

“I know. I just can’t help but worry about you.” He kissed her forehead tenderly, and then turned his gaze back at the dragon’s tooth, looking embarrassed. “I… don’t know what this means though.”

“It’s a Qunari thing!” She replied, eyes wide in enthusiasm, but Cullen remained oblivious to the significance of such Qunari thing. Tessa sighed, her cheeks blushing faintly, “You know how dragons are important to the Qunari, right? Bull told me that there is a custom amongst his people. They give a dragon’s tooth split in two to the…” She cleared her throat, clearly nervous, “…to the person that means the most to them. That way, no matter how far apart life takes them, they’re always together.”

Cullen observed the dragon’s tooth for a moment before looking back to Tessa, his hands automatically cupping her face, tangling in her hair as he kissed her deep and passionately. She surrendered under his touch, her hands tracing the line of his spine, ghosting the waist of his trousers.

“You never cease to amaze me, do you?” He said breathlessly between caresses. “You’re just too good to be true.”

“I _do_ try to keep you on your toes.” He smiled widely, before breaking the kiss. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. She eyed him worried, “What is it?”

“As leader of the Inquisition, there’s something you should know…” He marched, head bowed, to the other side of his desk, looking intently to a small box placed in the centre.

“You’re looking especially serious now.”

“I know.” He exhaled heavily. “You know that Templars take lyrium, and it grants us our abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer; some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here, but I… I no longer take it.”

Tessa inhaled calmly, aware that this conversation would come up eventually.

“When did you stop?”

“When I joined the Inquisition. It’s been months now.” His eyes locked on Tessa’s, his brow furrowed in a troubled expression. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“I’m not. I've known… pretty much since we met.”

“Did Rylen tell you?”

“No.” She reassured him, “No one told me. When I was a girl, I had an uncle who was a Templar. He too stopped taking lyrium, so… I recognised the symptoms. The tea I gave you back in Haven was a concoction my uncle used to take to ease his withdraw. I didn’t say anything because I thought you would when you felt comfortable.”

“I see… Thank you for respecting me.”

“Cullen, this can kill you.”

“It hasn’t yet.”

“It’s not reassuring.”

“Tessa…” He closed his eyes briefly, as if to gain strength. “After what happened in the Circle, I gave the Order another chance, but then after Kirkwall… I _will not_ be bound to that life any longer. Whatever the suffering… I accept it. But I will not put the Inquisition at risk. I have asked Cassandra to… watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will step down and be relieved from duty.”

“Are you in pain?”

“I can endure it.”

“That was not my question.”

Cullen sighed, sitting on his chair.

“Yes.”

Tessa nodded, walking towards him as she removed her leather gloves. Rubbing her hands together, she placed one in each of his temples, massaging as she whispered under her breath a healing spell. Cullen could _feel_ the dim white light leaving her fingers as it spread across his head, releasing him from the aching’s grasp.

“How is that?”

He did not respond, and, instead, he wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her chest. He knew he took her by surprise, as she stiffened for a moment before caressing his hair with both her hands.

“Why are you so good to me?” He muttered.

“Because you are the one I gave the other half of my dragon’s tooth.” Cullen chuckled, his hands wandering across her back oh so tenderly.

He sighed, closing his eyes one more time, trying to cast away the painful memories of his past with the Templar Order, relishing on the fact that Tessa respected him enough not to ask. She was, indeed, too good for him.

“You have been taking care of me since we met. I…” He looked up to watch her face, “I want to take you somewhere.”

“You do?” She asked with a timid grin curling up on her lips.

“Yes. I have some business to take care in Ferelden. Will you join me?”

“Of course. Who else will take care of you while you’re there?”

They chuckled together, savouring the moment for as long as they could before their duties caught up to them. Cullen’s mind started to work as soon as Tessa agreed, thinking of something, some gesture, to amaze her as much as she amazed him. His thoughts took him back to his childhood, to a place he wanted to share with Tessa. The place where he had been the happiest in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this one, made with a lot of love :)
> 
>  
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> Comments are, as always, very welcome and appreciated!


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